Page 6 of Always There Bayou
“Always!”
2009.
CoryTate-May16th - 18 years old
“Get yo ass out my face with that shit before I backhand the fuck outta you!” My mom yells at me as I stare at her. “You always judgin’ me like you better than me since you stay over there with yo uppity ass daddy and his new bitch! I don’t need your pity, Coraline!”
“Ma, please,” I beg as I take a seat on the sofa beside her. “Just hear me out.”
I blinked the tears away as I looked at the woman who claimed to hate the sight of me ever since the day I told my dad about our living conditions and her struggles. He immediately took us out of this situation, but not without also trying to help her. She refused repeatedly for a year straight, and eventually, he gave up. He told us that we were his main priority, and although he still had love for our mom, he couldn’t force a grown woman to get help if she wasn’t ready.
Even though I hated leaving my mom behind, I appreciated him for getting us out of that environment. Ever since then, we’ve been living a much better life, surrounded by love and care, thanks to him, his family, and our stepmom, Brenda. No longer did I have to worry about how we were gonna eat if our mom sold the last of our food stamps to get drugs or alcohol. No longer did I have to worry about strange people coming in and out of the house as I protectively held my little sister and brother as we slept in the full-sized bed we all shared. No longer did I have to worry about her annoying ass boyfriend, who hated the sight of us. No, all those worries were gone.
I had so much respect for my dad because my siblings weren’t even his kids, yet he took them in, along with me, and raised them as his own. However, I shouldn’t have been surprised, seeing as he’d always treated them as his own, even after he found out that our mom had cheated on him with one of her co-workers and conceived them. Hell, it wasn’t until their third birthday that an argument finally revealed the truth. He was devastated, and that’s what led to their divorce.
I was nine at the time, but I remember how heartbreaking it was to see my dad pack his things, and then we went from being able to walk down the hall to see him to having to travel to the next city over to stay with him every weekend. Don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t a deadbeat dad by any means. Even though he no longer lived in the same house as us, we still saw him regularly when he wasn’t away on business. But it wasn’t the same.
To make matters even worse, not long after their divorce was finalized, our mom moved her boyfriend in, and it’s like everything went from bad to worse. That one wrong boyfriend led her down a path of self-destruction, introducing her to things that I wish she’d never discovered. I may have been young then, but I wasn’t blind to the many different substances she consumed to get through the day. I wasn’t blind to the copious amounts of alcohol that she drank. I wasn’t blind to the types of shady people she constantly entertained.
For almost two years, I didn’t say anything to my dad because I was scared that my mom would be mad, but when she left us in the house for a week with no food, and I had to steal from a local grocery store, I decided that enough was enough. I was tired of watching as she wasted her life away, giving in to the temptation of a quick fix, ignoring me and my younger siblings. So, little 11-year-old me confronted her about it once she got back, but she told me to grow the hell up, claiming that I was old enough to care for my siblings when she was away.
We got into a screaming match as her bum ass boyfriend watched in amusement until I began to tell him about himself. Oh, he didn’t like that, and before I knew it, he had slapped me across the face. I was shocked and angry as I used all the strength I could muster to hit him back. I was strong for my age, but evenIknew that I was no match for a grown ass man. He pushed me off him, and I fell against a glass table. He towered over me, and it was then that I feared for my life.
My siblings were crying off to the side as my mom pulled him away from me. He called me every name in the book and told methat he couldn’t stand us kids before storming out of the house. My mom ran after him, leaving me bleeding on a pile of broken glass and my siblings crying and shaking in fear.
I managed to pull myself up and worked through the pain to pack up a bag for us. Fifteen minutes later, we were sitting outside of a McDonald’s as we waited for my dad to pull up. I’d managed to call him before leaving the house to tell him where we were. He arrived in record time and ushered us into his car, taking us to a nearby hospital as we explained what had happened.
After my wounds were cleaned and I’d been given pain medicine. He took us to his home and made sure we were comfortable, assuring us that we never had to go through that again. I’m not sure where he went that night, but when I woke up a few hours later, he wasn’t there, so I went back to sleep. That next morning, he was there waiting for us. He explained that we’d never have to go back over there again, and all I could do was cry. If there was one person I could always count on, it was my dad.
“Coraline, I know you hear me calling you!” My mom yells, bringing me back to the present. My eyes focus back on her, and she stares at me with annoyance in her eyes. “Since you’re here, you may as well go get me a pack of cigarettes. Can you do that? Do you know how to be useful?”
“Ma, I’m not here to buy you more shit to help you kill yourself quicker,” I say, getting more frustrated by the minute. I wipe my tears before cutting my eyes at her. “I came here to offer you help like I’ve been trying for years now. It took me forever to get Dad back on the same page as me. He’s willing to help again if you want it.”
“I don’t need no funky rehab! I’m doing just fine how I am!” She spat, pushing off the couch. She struggles to stand on her feet, and I quickly jump up to help her. She waves me off. “I’m fine. I’m fine! Just let me walk it off.”
I watch as she struggles to keep her balance as she walks over to the kitchen. Part of me wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her, but another part of me wanted to leave and never come back. The woman before me was not the same woman who loved and cared for me when I was younger. She’s not the same woman who read me bedtime stories and played dress up with me when I was five. She wasn’t the same woman who encouraged me to shoot for the stars and told me that everything would be alright when I was seven.
No, this woman before me was the shell of the woman I once looked up to. I wasn’t sure when she decided that being a mother wasn’t for her anymore, but it was as if one day she was the best mom in the world. Then the next…it’s like she hated even looking at me and my siblings.
It hurt my heart because, as mad as I was at her for going down that path, I knew that deep down, she was hurting somewhere. I may only be 18 now, but over the years, I’ve learned that there was always something more to what people were going through. That’s why I am here now. In a few days, I will graduate from high school, and in a few months, I will begin college. But before I left, I wanted to try once more to get her some help. My dad was against me coming here, so I may have lied about him being on board, but I knew thatif I could convince her, he’d come around. I knew deep down that he still had a soft spot in his heart for her.
“Ma,” I plead once more as I catch up to her, gently taking her hand in mine. “Please. I miss you. Imani and Ian miss you. Please let me and Dad help you.” I could feel the tears threatening to fall again. “I want my mom back. I need her.”
She turned to face me, and I could see the exact moment her hardened expression wavered. We stood there in silence as we stared at each other. I hoped that she saw the sincerity in my eyes. There was nothing I wanted more than for her to agree to leave with me. I could tell that she was contemplating it, and my heart beat wildly against my chest as the seconds ticked by.
“Coraline, I just-”
“Hey, babe, I’m…home…”
My head snaps toward the front door, and the moment my eyes land on her boyfriend, Trevor, I feel sick to my stomach. Even after all these years, she was still with him. The same man who pushed me into a glass table and caused permanent scarring. He leaned against the doorframe of the living room and lit a cigarette, taking a drag before blowing the smoke into the air. His eyes found mine, and a look of disgust mirrored mine as he rolled his eyes. Whatever he felt about me, I felt that times ten about him.
“What is this lil bitch doing here?” he said, walking over to where we were.
“She was just leaving,” my mom says, snatching her arm out of my grasp. And just that quickly, the annoyed expression returned toher face before she smiled at her boyfriend, greeting him with a kiss. “Hey, baby. How was work?”
“It was good,” he smiled at her, deepening the kiss, which made me even more nauseous. When they finally break apart, he glances back over at me. “Gon get up out of my house, bruh. You ain’t welcome here.”
I ignored him and turned back to look at my mom. “Ma, please,” I plead one last time. “Just let me help you.”
