Page 47 of Always There Bayou
“Get out,” I say, cutting him off. When he doesn’t move, I shove him as hard as I can, causing him to stumble back. “Get out, before Ikillyou! Just like you killed my mom!”
He freezes in his tracks, almost as if he’s seen a ghost. Footsteps sound behind me, and soon, everyone is crowding the small hallway, tryingto figure out what’s going on. I hear a gasp and know it’s Denny, because soon, I feel them tugging me back away from the man in front of me.
“What in the hell is going on?” Unc demands, but I can’t answer because I’m trembling and about two seconds from beating the fuck out of this grown ass man.
“Get out!” I yell once more, never breaking eye contact. “I’ve been doing good all these years, yet here you come again, messing shit up. Do you know how many nightmares I had about you, huh? How many times my mind replayed you pushing me into that glass table? How long I’ve tried to scrub the memory of you encouraging my mom to take another hit, even when she was well past her limit? I can’t prove it, but Iknowyou had something to do with her death, and I refuse to let you pop back up like shit is sweet, so GET OUT! NOW!”
“Cory, baby, please let Uncle Darnell handle this,” Denny said beside me. I could hear the fear in their voice, and my heart damn near stopped. I turned to face them to see tears streaming down their cheeks. My gaze softened. “Please, you don’t owe him any conversation. Please, let’s go.”
“Honey, go with Denny to help Cory calm down,” Unc said. He pats me on the cheek before turning to the man with a gaze that exuded power. The man practically shriveled up where he stood. “Now, I wasn’t aware of who you were when I hired you, but now that I know, your business is no longer needed.”
“Come on, Cory, darling,” Auntie said as she led me and Denny back down the hall to the den, followed by Lilah and Nanny.
I was shaking as Denny helped me to sit down. Soon came the hyperventilating, and that intense pressure I always felt when I thought about my mom. I felt trapped. I felt weak. I felt out of control.
I hated feeling out of control.
Someone told me to breathe, but it sounded distant, as if they were in another room. The hyperventilating got worse, and I frantically pulled at the collar of my shirt in an attempt to pull it away from my neck and free it from confines that weren’t there.
The only thing that replayed over and over in my head was my mom’s face when she’d get high or drunk off her ass while we were sitting in the same room. All I could see was that bitch ass boyfriend of hers telling her to take one more hit, and then her being knocked out in a matter of seconds. All I could see was my siblings crying as they scrambled to help me from the ground after he pushed me.
Tears flowed down my face as a hand rubbed my back softly. I knew it was probably Nanny or Auntie, but I jerked away, fearing that they would graze the glass that had long since been pulled from my back. The scars were still there, though, and although they didn’t hurt anymore, I hated it when people touched them.
I hated it when people touched me.
Although that never included Denny…
“Corduroy, he’s gone,” Denny says softly, and they sit beside me. I’m still shaking as I look up at them. “Unc and Parrain made sure he and the other guy left. You’re okay now, baby.”
“I need to lie down,” I say, my voice coming out dry and scratchy. They nod, helping me up.
Without another word, they escort me to their room and help me over to the bed, but I don’t immediately lie down. I pull them into my arms and sigh at how comfortable they make me. Their hands rub along my back, but this time, I don’t jerk away. I melt at their touch and feel a wave of calm wash over me.
“I’m here for you always, Corduroy,” Denny whispers. “I know you hate opening up, but I’m glad that you allow yourself to be vulnerable around me. I know how much you hate people touching you, but I’m glad you allow me to comfort you. And I’ll always be here to do so.”
“I-It hurts…” I admire it, feeling my walls slowly start to crumble. I was always able to hold my emotions in, but not around Denny. I let the tears fall as I hold them closer. “I miss her so fucking much. Why did she have to leave us like that? Why couldn’t she break up with him? Why didn’t she love us enough to put us first?”
“I don’t know, baby, I don’t,” they reply. “But I do believe that she loved you and your siblings. She was struggling with some things that she couldn’t shake even ‘til the very end. But Corduroy, she’s at peace now. Just like my mom is at peace, I know it.” They pull away and cup my face in their hands. “Your mom loved you, even if it didn’t seem like it.”
“I’m so tired, Denny,” I sigh, shaking my head. “I’m so tired of it all. I want to be free of all the bad memories, drama, anxiety attacks, and depression. I want all of it to stop.” The tears fall again as I look them in the eyes. A look of terror flashes in their eyes once I say, “Please, help me make it stop.”
“Cory, stop talking like that,” they say, visibly trembling with every word. “You’re scaring me. Please, don’t think of doing anything drastic. I can’t…”
My eyes bug as realization settles in. I frantically shake my head, assuring them that it’s not what they think. They start to cry in relief and sit down on the edge of the bed before pulling them down beside me. I hold them in my arms as they shake.
“I think I need to start back therapy,” I say once they’ve calmed down. They look over at me. “I’m ready to get to a better place. That’s what I meant. I…I’m sorry for making it seem like I was contemplating…you know…”
“It’s okay,” they sniffled. “The thought of losing you was just too much to bear.” I nod. “Cory, if you’re ready, then know that I’m gonna be there by your side every step of the way. You mean so damn much to me, and all I ever want is for you to be happy and at peace. You deserve that and more.”
“Thank you, Bunny.”
They nod before climbing into the bed and motion for me to join them. I do, and we cuddle together in the quiet and stillness of the room. The sun was beginning to set, so the light in the room was getting dimmer by the minute. I’m not sure when we fell asleep, but I could feel myself at peace.
That night, I dreamed of flower fields and a life with Denny where we had a few kids, a dog, and the house of our dreams. It was the first time in a long time that I had a good dream, and when I woke up the next morning, I was determined to make that dream a reality.
13
Descisions Bayou.
