Page 30 of Always There Bayou
“Y’all are a trip,” I say. “Now come on, old man, and show Denny how you make the best cup of hot cocoa.”
“Yeah, she talked you up so now I gotta see what all the hype is about,” they nod.
“Oh, trust me, love. Once you’ve had ‘ole Jeffery’s hot chocolate, you’ll dream of it for the rest of your life,” he boasts, winking. Denny giggles as he begins to work his magic.
We watch as he cuts up bars of chocolate and melts them down. “Are you okay with mint?” He asks Denny, and they nod enthusiastically. “Perfect. What about cinnamon?”
“I love it!” They assure him. He nods.
“And here we are,” he says as he places two coffee cups of the delicious beverage in front of us. He added a few marshmallows and red and white striped candy canes before placing the tops on. “My specialty.”
“Thank you, Jeffery,” I smile, handing him a $20 bill. “Keep the change.”
“Thank you, love,” he nods before stuffing the bill into his pocket. He turns his attention back to Denny as they take a sip of the drink.
“Whoa, this is MAGICAL,” they exclaim before blowing and taking another sip. “I see why you never stop raving about it, babe. This is damn near orgasmic.”
“I told you,” I chuckle, and Jeffery nods. I grab their hand. “Come on and let's sit so you won’t spill anything on your shirt.”
They nod and follow me, but not before telling Jeffery thanks one more time. We take a seat on one of the benches and people-watch as we enjoy our drinks. They are a bunch of families and couples going around looking from tree to tree to find the perfect one.
It was still cold as hell out here, but the hot chocolate did a great job of keeping us warm. Denny kept going on and on about how good it was and downed their drink in a matter of minutes. I bought them another cup, and then I bought one more for myself before we headed over to help with the tree that our families had picked out.
The ride back up to the cabin went by quickly, and soon, we were all helping to move the tree inside, setting it up, and then getting to decorating. The house was filled with laughter and the sound of my dad’s favorite Christmas playlist. Mama B and Aunt Daphne got started on dinner with the help of Imani and Delilah occasionally, so the smells in the house were immaculate.
There was a football game that the guys were watching on TV, but neither Denny nor I was interested. I’ve never been the biggest fan of football, and Denny wasn’t a sports person at all. Besides a bit about basketball, they didn’t know a single thing about them, and they didn’t care to. They’ve always been more into the arts in all forms.
That’s why I was so excited about the gift I’d gotten for them.
A couple of months ago, when I learned that their favorite musical,A Long Trip to Nowhere,was being turned into a movie musical and playing in theaters, I jumped at the opportunity to go all out for the perfect gift. I rented out an entire theater just for us so that they could watch it and whatever other movies they wanted for the entire day. I mean, of course, they’d seen it already because they had noidea what I’d planned, but I knew that they would still enjoy it again.
This date was scheduled for the 29th, and I couldn’t wait to see the excitement on their face when they opened my gift in a few days with clues explaining what I was going to do. Honestly, I’d do anything to see them smile, and as I sat there on the sofa running my thumb across the back of their hand as I held it, I realized that that had always been the case.
Ever since we were kids in middle school, I’d always done whatever to make them happy. Back then, it was because I was grateful to have a friend who loved and accepted me for who I was. As we got older, that was still true; however, my feelings for them also played a role. I didn’t wanna see them hurt or sad or sick or mad. All I ever cared about was them being happy, and I didn’t care who I had to knock down or push aside for it to happen.
And that seemed to be why a lot of my relationships never worked. Like I said a while ago, a lot of my girlfriends were jealous of the relationship Denny and I shared, but it never made sense to me because we were nothing more than friends. Looking back, I can see all the confusion I caused, not just to them but to Denny, too.
Even though we never dated, I always wanted them to myself. I always wanted to be able to lie in their arms when I got into fights or arguments with my girlfriends. I’d always look to Denny for comfort…fuck, I was a terrible person, wasn’t I?
I glanced down at Denny as they rested their head in my lap, slowly dozing off, and a pang of guilt traveled through me. They didn’t deserve to be used as some emotional support person that I dumped all my baggage onto, especially because of how they’ve always felt about me. I wanted to cry just thinking about how many times I gave them false hope by snuggling into their arms one day and then being back in my girlfriend’s bed the next.
To me, everything we did for a long time was purely platonic, but to them…it was different. I knew it had to hurt, and it was all my fault. My intention wasn’t to hurt them, but because I was being selfish and not truthful to myself, I had done so anyway.
My emotions were all over the place, and I could feel that pressure building up in my chest. I needed some air. So, I slowly slid from under Denny, replacing my lap with a pillow, and I exited the room. I made my way out to the warm, enclosed porch and away from everyone else right as the first tear fell. I could feel myself shaking as I took a seat on one of the cozy porch swings.
“Cory, you are such a dick,” I say to myself, wiping my eyes. “Ugh, and you’re a crybaby. Grow up!”
“Cory, sweetheart, are you okay?”
My head snaps to the right to see Denny’s aunt standing in the doorway. I nodded, swiftly wiping the last of my tears as she came to sit beside me. She didn’t say anything but wrapped me in one of the warmest hugs ever. I could feel a few more tears slip down my cheeks as I sighed into her comfort.
She pulled back after a while and looked at me, concerned. “I was heading to get something out of the pantry when I saw you walking out here. You looked stressed, so I decided to come check on you,” she says. “What’s wrong, love?”
“Auntie, I’m a terrible person,” I say, shaking my head. “Denny doesn’t deserve me. They deserve so much better than someone who strung them along for years. Fuck, I feel so bad.”
“Honey, look at me,” she says, cupping my face in her soft hands. She smiles. “Cory, Denny loves you so much. They always have, but they were also never honest about their feelings for you. You cannot keep blaming yourself because it took you a while to realize your feelings. I love my baby, I do, but they’re not the most straightforward when it comes to a lot of things. They also have a hard time expressing their feelings about what they want, so don’t feel bad.”
“Yeah, but I feel like I used their affection as a safety net,” I sigh. “I knew that they’d never turn me down if I wanted to cuddle or lie up under them, but then I’d run back to my girlfriends when we’d make up. I’m afraid that I broke their heart unintentionally so many times. Hell, they’ve said as much. We’ve only officially been together for a day, but I’m already feeling like I'm not good enough for them. Shit, I’ve always felt that way. That’s why it took me so long to admit how I felt. What if I mess this all up before it even starts? I don’t know if I could live with myself if Denny wasn’t in my life.”
