Page 34 of Where There's Smoke…
Before they can answer, the door slides open, and in walks Phoenix with a few plastic bags as the doctor excuses himself. When she lays eyes on me, she drops the bags and rushes to sit in the seat that Orion vacates. She gently cups my cheek in her right hand and examines me closely.
The room is quiet as we stare at each other. My eyes take in her slightly disheveled, yet attractive appearance. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a graphic tee, but it was the cast on her left arm that caught my attention, making my stomach lurch. She was really hurt.
Soon, tears were falling from my eyes.
“Angel…are you alright?” she asks softly, but I shake my head as she delicately strokes my cheek.
“It’s all my fault,” I cry. “You’re hurt because I wasted so much time arguing with you instead of doing what I was told. I’m so sorry, Phee.”
“Angel, no, baby, it’s not your fault,” she tried to assure me, but I couldn’t hear her. All I could hear was that little voice in my head that said that it was. Every bad thing that has happened this past week. “Hey, Sweets, look at me.”
“Phee, I just...can you give me some time?” I whisper.
“Time for what?” she asks, slightly offended that I would even suggest that.
“Time to process all of this,” I reply. “You can say it’s not on me all you want, but I know it is.” My eyes meet hers, and I see them gloss over. “Please.”
Before she can say anything else, I pull away from her and duck under the covers, my mind spinning. I could hear my brothers trying to get me to stop acting like a brat, but I wasn’t. Thiswasall my fault, and there was no reason I should be babied when I messed everything up. Not only had Phee gotten hurt because of me, but my shop was probably ruined.
“Angel, I just want you to know that I’m not going anywhere,” I hear Phee say, but I don’t reply. “I don’t care what your mind is trying to tell you. Me getting hurt was my own fault, not yours.”
I let the tears fall as my breathing became uneven. All I could picture was the terrified look on her face as she asked me to go, but I wouldn’t. Seeing her trapped under the beam, with me unable to do anything, was like a stab to the heart. I’d never seen her cry before then, but just remembering how defeated she looked made my heart ache.
I’m not sure when I dozed off, but when my eyes opened again, the room was dark, and the covers had been removed from over my head. I blinked before sitting up in bed, realizing that I was alone. My chest tightened as the tears welled up again. Had she left after all? Did my brothers leave? It hurt. It all hurt so much.
I was just about to call them when the door to the room opened, and Chris appeared with a bag in his hand. When he sees I’m awake, he quickly closes the door and shuffles over.
“Angel, you’re awake,” he says, and he sits beside me. I don’t hesitate to pull him in for a hug. He chuckles, patting my back softly. “Whoa, sis. Everything’s good.”
“Chris,” I sigh, and we break apart. “I thought everyone had left.”
“Nah,” he assures me. “We moved out to the waiting room once you fell asleep because we didn’t want to wake up with our talking. Your body is exhausted, Angel, and you need all the rest you can get.”
“Phoenix…”
“She’s out there too,” he nods, and my heart calms a bit. “She’s giving you your space, but she refuses to go too far.” I stare down at my hands, slightly embarrassed. “You know she loves you, right? You know that she’ll never blame you for what happened. She’s not upset with you. Hell, I don’t think she ever could be. However, she wants to respect your wishes, but I can tell it’s hard for her...and I know it’s hard for you.”
“Yes...” My voice trails off.
“I think having a little distance for a bit is good, though. This was a lot, you know? Y’all almost could’ve died, Angel. She couldn’t help you like she wanted, and vice versa. That’s enough to mentally drain anyone.”
“And then I added to it,” I sigh. I could feel the tears building up again. What was I doing, pushing her away?
Chris andI talked for a bit longer as we ate the dinner he’d brought. Later, Phee came back in and sent him home to get some rest, assuming that I would be in good hands. We didn’t say anything for a while, but she sat on that uncomfortable ass seat beside the bed and held my hand in hers as we watching some old western movie on the TV.
I couldn’t help but steal glances at her throughout the night. She was so gorgeous and protective, but there was a slight anxiousness that wouldn’t go away. It was etched in the eyebrow furrows and jumpiness whenever one of the nurses came to check on me.
She gently squeezed my hand every thirty minutes or so, almost like she was checking that I was still there. It’s the way I’d catch her eyes traveling to the heart monitor every few minutes, or the way she chewed the inside of her cheek when she didn’t think I would see. Everything about her exuded nervousness and discomfort. I was confused.
“Phee, baby, are you okay?” I asked her after the fifth time she checked the monitor. “You seem anxious. Is it because of me? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make it seem like I didn’t want you around. I do! I’m just feeling some guilt about the whole situation and...”
“No, it’s not you,” she cuts me off before sighing. “Sweets, I understand how you're feeling when it comes to all of the guilt because just like you’re blaming yourself, I’m blaming myself too for not taking you out of the building. This could’ve all been avoided had I stuck to the protocol, but that’s neither here nor there.”
“Then what’s wrong? Why are you suddenly on edge?”
“It’sjust...hospitals make me nervous,” she admits. “My grandpa spent his last months in a hospital, so I equate them with death more than anything. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and dementia about a year before he passed, and it progressed quicker than even the doctors could imagine. I watched as he slowly slipped away until he was nothing more than a shell of himself. Then, one day his heart decided it was tired, and...yeah.”
“Baby, I’m so sorry,” I say, pulling her in for a hug. I could feel the tears fall against my shoulder. “If it’s too hard...”
