Page 57 of Texas Hold Em'
My nails had been gnawed so short I couldn’t pick up the playing card face down on the outdoor coffee table. I could feel Suzie and Samantha’s eyes on me as I gave up, slid the card to the edge of the table, and picked it up that way. The tips of all my fingers were pink and angry with pain from sitting there and chewing them down to the quick while the men spoke of their plans in the garage.
“We don’t have to play,” Suzie said, a note of concern in her voice. “I don’t think it’s been a very good distraction.”
Somehow, my thumbnail was back at my lips and I was chewing at it.
I put my cards down and clasped my hands together in my lap. “Maybe that would be for the best.”
Samantha scooped up all the cards and stacked them in a neat pile before tucking them back in their box. She set them off to the side on a small table beside her that held both her and Suzie’s drinks. Suzie was nursing a beer while Sam sipped at a glass of water. Suzie had gone inside about twenty minutes ago and offered me a beer, but she hadn’t extended the offer to Sam. Instead, she brought her out the water wordlessly.
Suzie twisted around in her chair and peered over at the shop. “Still looks like they’re pretty into their conversation. At this rate, the sun is going to go down before they settle on a plan.”
Samantha settled deeper into her chair after fluffing the pillow at her back. “Suits me fine. Jackson has been insufferable lately. Everything he does gets on my nerves. Does that happen with you and Mason, Suzie?”
Suzie shrugged. “Sure, from time to time. But I never really feel like I need a break from him. Your situation is different. It’s not your fault he’s annoying you.”
I frowned. What did that mean?
Suzie caught me looking at her and blinked rapidly as her cheeks turned pink. “Um, I just mean my brother is a special kind of annoying, you know?”
I shrugged. Sure. I did know. Jackson had been jumping down my throat since the first moment I showed my face around here.
Samantha changed the subject. “It doesn’t matter. Jackson is Tex’s problem right now.”
I wished I could disappear.
Sam gave me a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry, babe. These guys? They do this kind of life-risking stuff all the time. It’s kind of their shtick. If one of them isn’t having a brush with death, it’s an off month. Right, Suzie?”
“Right,” Suzie agreed quickly.
I appreciated their efforts to make me feel better, but it wasn’t really working. I was full of regret and I couldn’t shake it. On one hand, sex with Tex yesterday had been incredible. On the other hand? It had sewn me even closer to him. In the moment, I’d been relieved of my worries, but afterward, when I felt closer to him than ever, I had to face the truth that I might lose him.
And it would be my fault.
How did I navigate through all those feelings? I had no fucking idea where to turn, what to think, or how to pass the minutes that somehow felt like they were flying past as well as crawling. Time felt like a bizarre construct and its walls were closing in on me.
On us.
“They’ll work out the details, Carrie,” Suzie said softly. “They always do. I promise.”
Sam leaned forward to rest her elbows on her knees. She was dressed in loose-fitting sweatpants and an oversized T-shirt that might have been Jackson’s. “What are you thinking about right now? It’s like you’re here but you’re not here.”
I sighed. How real did I want to get with these women? They’d shown me support before, and they were rallying around me now, but I wasn’t sure where the line was.
Still, I needed to get the crushing weight off my chest. I needed others to know what was happening with me and Tex. We’d agreed to keep it from Jackson, but would the women have my back in this?
“I just won’t be able to forgive myself if something goes wrong,” I muttered. “I can’t have Jameson’s blood on my hands. I just can’t. It will… it will…” I trailed off and shook my head, unwilling to continue.
Sam wore an empathetic frown. “I’m sorry you’re in this position.”
“Thank you,” I said.
Suzie chewed the inside of her cheek. I could see a question dancing in her eyes, but it seemed like she wasn’t sure if she should ask it or not. Finally, she made a decision. “Has crashing at Tex’s place made you fall for him?”
“Suzie,” Sam scolded, using her friend’s full name for the first time in my presence.
Suzie shot her a menacing look. “Don’t call me Suzie.” Her sharp stare returned to me. “Isn’t that exactly what you said you didn’t want to happen? Are you crushing on Tex?”
Crushing?No.I’d gone a lot further than just crushing.
