Page 113 of A Fate of Blood and Magic
So much horrendous and painful grief.
When would we stop losing people we loved?
When would we know any peace?
When would the enemy stop stealing from us?
Chapter
Twenty-Three
ELIAS
I wasn’tsure when or how we’d made it to Koa and Bon’s hut. I’d only realized we were there when Bon had offered me a mug of warm tea that remained in my hand, cooled and untouched. On the floor, Leah sat atop a pillow with her head leaning against one of the thick posts that kept the tall house upright. Her mug sat beside her, empty of the tea she’d drunk in two quick swallows.
If Eiran was right, if in the aftermath of death, grief was a gift, I didn’t want it.
With my every breath, my every step forward, every lunge back, it lingered. It stung.
Teddy watched me, her eyes glistening with the threat of tears that she held back for me. I kept my palm on her cheek, wanting to reassure her despite the emptiness I felt.
No, it wasn’t emptiness exactly. There was fury and anguish but also a sense of emptiness that lingered where my magic had lived since I was a babe. There was an emptiness in my soul that had housed our soulmate bond for a few shortmonths. That emptiness was greater and wider than my despair over losing my mother.
“Fate chose wisely. Your mate is as strong, stubborn, and gentle-hearted as you are.”
She was that and more. So much more.
She’d held a sword against Eiran’s throat and drawn his blood. The vision of her ready to take on Death, take on the world, all for me, to keep my heart safe, seared into me and made room in my lungs so that I could breathe easier.
“What can I do for you?” She nuzzled her cheek against my palm, her eyes searching my face for an answer I couldn’t give her.
When she circled her fingers around my wrist and kissed my palm, I held that kiss tightly in my hand, digging my fingernails roughly into my skin, and watched her as she unclenched my fingers to hold my palm against hers.
I motioned toward the room Donnie rested in. While Brenton had returned from the astral realm healed, Leah had been the one to heal Donnie. Even with our joined magic, it’d taken a long time for him to regain consciousness. Leah had taken the last of our offered magic and shattered what remained of my heart when our soulmate bond had disappeared.
The way Teddy had cried out in anguish and torn at her chest when she’d felt it leave her would haunt me until my final day. Was the price we paid too great? I’d lost my mother, my magic, and the bond that tied Teddy and me together. Yet the love I held for her remained. As long as I had that, as long as I had Teddy, I could and would move forward.
But there was an emptiness inside me where my magic once lived. It was like a phantom pain that throbbed, knowing what should’ve been there had been removed. It made meedgy, and that, coupled with the weariness that threatened to pull me under, was an erratic combination.
I wanted to move, to fight with my friends against the enemies within my kingdom, while also wanting to bury myself beneath layers of blankets so I could sleep off the remnants of today.
Already, I missed the way Teddy would wrap her magic around the threads of mine, calming me in a way only she could. I missed the way Teddy’s mind-speak magic would brush against my mind so we could communicate privately. Guardians, I missed the way I could call to my magic to heal myself.
What more would I miss?
“You should check on Donnie,” I finally said.
My head was heavy and a little foggy when Teddy cupped my face to pull my attention to her. I blinked several times until the black spots that marred my vision cleared.
Guardians, she was beautiful. Even with the worry lines creasing her forehead, she was the most exquisite creature I’d ever laid eyes on.
She took the full mug from me and handed it to Bon.
“I’m not leaving you.”
I leaned forward and pressed my lips to her forehead, where I murmured, “I know.”
And I did know. She wasn’t one to leave when things got hard. She’d stay by my side and offer her unwavering support just as she’d done when my father had died.
