Page 126 of A Fate of Blood and Magic
“Donnie said that either each life is precious or none of them are,” I told the group. “He told me that by killing the soldiers and those who snuck in, I was making enemies of the very people I’d allowed into our realm. What if he’s right? What if all killing brings us is more killing? When does it end?”
“What if there is no end?” Alastor asked. “What if the only way to protect your people and those you care about is by killing?”
Because there had to be punishment. There had to be justice.
Didn’t that also apply to me?
“I hear you, Alastor. I hear all of you.” I sighed.
“I, uh,” Javier said, and I turned to watch him stiffen his back and shoulders. “I’ve never killed anyone before, and if I’m ever in a fight where I have to, I don’t know that I’d be able to, but I hope I am. Or, you know, maybe George is right, and I’m fooling myself into thinking I can be a warrior.” He drew his head down and shifted his weight, but when Delaney brushed a finger across the back of his hand, he looked up with determination in his eyes. “You didn’t ask why I voted not to kill them, and maybe my opinion doesn’t matter.” He paused when Delaney whispered something to him, and I found myself holding my breath. “I think there’s a difference between killing someone when you’re in the heat ofa fight and killing someone when they’re locked up. I think there has to be a difference between the two. Rather than killing them in battle, George ordered for them to be imprisoned. I don’t know why they let them live—if it was to torture them or have them be an example of what you’ll do to those who harm your people. If that’s why, then I’m already wrong in the way I think, but killing them now, when they’re defenseless, is brutal. Just as brutal—horrific—as what they did to our defenseless, but it feels wrong.” He shrugged. “You’d be killing unarmed men and women. I get that they killed innocent people, a lot of them children, but it seems wrong to have spared their lives only to kill them later. If you want to make an example of them, you can punish them another way. Maybe they can serve out their sentence in isolation or through hard labor. I don’t know, but I think it’ll show people you’ll uphold justice and that killing isn’t the only solution. And maybe I’m wrong, but if you’re killing people because you hate them or hate what they did, are you even fighting for the people you say you love?”
My chest tightened as tears welled in my eyes. This young male, who’d been through some difficult situations, kept surprising me with his sense of responsibility, kindness, and now, his wisdom.
“I don’t think you’re wrong,” Teddy said.
Delaney smiled at him, and when she brushed her hand across his knuckles, he grabbed it, which only made her smile widen.
“I want to change my vote,” Delaney said. “Just because killing has always been the way we’ve punished people doesn’t mean it has to remain that way.”
“Our past shouldn’t dictate our future when so much has changed,”Kieren added through his mind-speak connectionwith everyone.“We have humans living in our realm now. We’re allied with shifters, mages, and lirio. Would it be so terrible to adapt and try something different? I want to change my vote too.”
I wasn’t surprised when Aidas raised his hand. “I want to change mine, too.”
Despite the manytimes I’d vomited, my stomach twisted in agony. It was my own fault—for not only biting George but also for not spitting out his blood. At least the nausea had lessened.
Teddy had remained quiet after everyone left, although she’d made me an herbal tea that did nothing to settle my stomach. The cool rag she had me put on my forehead helped a little.
I wasn’t sure if her silence was because of how I’d acted with George, but with my thoughts on Javier and his father, I’d needed the fight, even if it’d ended far too quickly. Or maybe Javier’s words about his father had hurt her too.
So much was already rolling in my head. As much as I was angry with George, I understood everything he’d said and felt. I had been selfish in every single way when it came to Teddy, but the thing was, aside from Javier’s father, I didn’t regret any of it.
Given the chance, I’d do it all over again. I’d damn her world, bring turmoil into mine, and shorten my life if only to get a taste of her.
I loved having the kids in my life. Pride had swelled at the way Javier had stood his ground and spoken what he believed to be correct. And a lot of what he said was true. If hate wasthe driving force behind what we fought for, we weren’t any better than those who’d attacked us. We were just on the opposing side, with our own perspective skewing how we thought and reacted, all in the name of justice.
Teddy leaned down to where I still sat by the toilet. Her hair covered my bare arm, and when she kissed my shoulder, I nestled the side of my face closer to her.
“I’m going to make you another tea.”
A satisfied rumble of pleasure came from me when she threaded her fingers through my hair. I tracked her as she left, and when I could no longer see her, I leaned back to watch her until she walked through our bedroom door.
I heard the surprised gasp that came from Teddy. When her voice filtered from the other room, I rose slowly.
“Was Elias there the day my dad died?” Javier asked.
Before Teddy could answer, I stepped into our living room and found Javier sitting on the couch with his arms folded across his chest.
“Yes,” I answered, my throat bobbing as I gripped the doorframe hard.
Javier’s attention slammed into me, and I had to fight my body not to retreat.
This was it, the moment I’d been dreading while also hoping it would one day come. Part of me was proud of him and how well he handled the truth. How he could pivot when faced with adversity. I just didn’t know what this would do to him. To us.
But it was a truth he should’ve known about before he’d chosen to trust me.
He glared at me, and I wasn’t sure if it was hatred or pain that I saw in his eyes. I managed another swallow around the thickness in my throat.
“Do you want me to tell you what happened?” Even to my own ears, my voice sounded distant and foreign.
