Page 71 of Yours to Lose
Are you still at the hospital?
Lucas
Yep, leaving in a few.
Breathing a sigh of relief, I explain what’s going on, then shoot him a list of things I need and Jo’s address, and he promises to bring it all up within the hour.
I’ve barely set my phone on the nightstand when it rings, Elliot’s name flashing on the screen. With my eyes glued to Jo’s sleeping form, I slide my thumb across the screen to answer.
“Hey, El.”
“What’s wrong?” he asks, easily picking up on the stress in my voice.
I sigh, my anxiety too high right now to do anything but tell him exactly what’s going on. “I’m at Jo’s apartment. She’s sick. Really sick.”
“Sick with what?” His voice is immediately concerned.
“I don’t know yet. We had plans tonight, but she didn’t text me all day like she usually does, and then when I called her, she didn’t answer her phone. I got worried, so I came to her apartment and found her asleep. She’s burning up and has a bad cough and her lungs sound like shit. Someone I know from the hospital is bringing some stuff over for me so I can figure out what she has and try to bring her fever down and help her breathing, but I don’t…I mean, I can’t…” I break off as my voice catches.
“Jordan.”
I suck in a breath, trying to pull myself together. “Yeah.”
“You’re a doctor. A whole ass surgeon.”
“So?”
“Where are you right now?”
“In Jo’s room. She’s still sleeping. I don’t want to wake her, but I also don’t want to leave her, so I’m sitting on her bed.”
“Good. Look at her and be a doctor right now. What do you think is going on?”
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, my eyes glued to Jo. She stirs a little, coughing again. “I think she has the flu, but I won’t know for sure until I test her. It’s unusual to get the flu in the summer, but it happens, and she works with kids all the time. They’re, like, vectors for this shit.”
“And in your many, many medical school classes and years of being an actual doctor, did you ever learn how to treat the flu?”
“Fuck off. Of course I know how to treat the flu.”
“So why are you so freaked out by Jo being sick?” My brother’s voice is gentle, and it breaks me open, just enough for all my defenses to fall.
“I just…I need her to be okay.” My voice is low, almost a whisper, as I struggle to keep my emotions under control.
“You like her. Like, really, more than a friend like her.” Elliot’s matter-of-fact words hit me right in the chest, and my defenses are low enough that I can’t do anything but give voice to the thoughts that have been circling in my brain since I talked to Allie at the cemetery last week and saw the note Jo left for her.
“I do. I really, really like her. She’s my best friend, and she’s also…more. So, so much more. It scares the fuck out of me, El.”
“I know it does, and that’s okay. I’m going to say some things now, and I want you to really listen. Can you?”
“Shit,” I mutter, knowing Elliot is about to do the thing he does where he drops all the truths and he’s right about everything. “Yeah.”
“Losing someone you love the way you lost Allie leaves scars that don’t fade all the way. You’ll never be who you were before she died. You may think we don’t understand that, but we do. All of us, and we’re here for you. But it’s okay to have feelings for someone who isn’t Allie, and it’s okay if it feels weird and a little uncomfortable. But don’t run away from those feelings because you’re scared. You’re different this summer, in the best way. You seem lighter. Happier than you’ve been since Allie died, and I think it’s because of Jo. Talk to her when she feels better. She deserves to know where your head’s at, and from even the little you’ve told us about her, I think she’ll understand. I think she’s yours, and you know better than anyone that life’s too damn short not to tell the people you care about how you feel. You deserve to be happy, Jord. We love you, and we all want that for you.”
“Thanks, El,” I manage, clearing my throat in a futile attempt to staunch my rising emotion.
“Always. Will you stay in touch? Let me know how she is?”
“I will,” I promise.
