Page 116 of Yours to Lose
Ben rubs a hand over his jaw, and I see on his face the kind of relief that comes with letting go of the worry I know he’s felt over Jordan since Allie died. With knowing that Jordan is okay. “You’re my best fucking friend, Jordan. Today, tomorrow, next month, next year. Always. That didn’t change when you moved here, and it won’t change when you’re in Boston, no matter what happens in either of our lives. We’re family. I’m just happy you’re happy.”
Jordan glances back at me, eyes swirling with a depth of emotion that makes my breath catch and my stomach swoop. When he answers Ben, his eyes stay locked on mine. “I am. I’m really, really happy.” He turns back to Ben. “Now get in the car so I can say goodbye to my girl.”
Ben grins at both of us. “Your girl, huh?”
Jordan smiles back. “My girl,” he says again with conviction.
“I’m so happy for both of you,” Ben says as he rounds the car, sliding into the driver’s seat, smile still on his face.
Jordan turns to me, sliding his hands around my neck and running his thumbs over my jaw. “I don’t know how to say goodbye to you,” he says, voice ragged.
I close my eyes and will back my tears, but one slips out anyway. Jordan wipes it away with the pad of his thumb.
“I can’t say goodbye to you,” I whisper. “It feels all wrong, so let’s not use that word. Kiss me, J, and tell me you’ll see me soon.”
“Halloween?” he says with a small smile. He asked me to come to Boston for Thanksgiving, but I told him that felt too far away and said I was coming for Halloween first.
I lean forward, resting my forehead on his chest, and he wraps his arms around me. “It’s the best holiday.”
“You’re not going to plan a couples costume, are you?”
I lift my head and scoff. “It’s like you don’t know me at all. Of course, I’m planning a couple’s costume.”
Jordan’s lips turn up in a smile before he leans down and covers my mouth with his, hands coming up to frame my face. He tips my jaw up to take the kiss deeper, sliding his tongue into my mouth to dance with mine, tasting me like it’s the last time he’ll ever get to do it. The kiss goes on for what feels like forever, and we say with our mouths all the things we can’t say in words.
“My girl,” Jordan whispers again when we finally break apart, his thumb grazing my jaw in a caress I know I’ll feel on my face the entire drive home. His eyes cataloguing my face, like he’s trying to memorize it for the weeks ahead.
My shoulders ache with the effort of holding myself together when every part of me wants to crumble at the idea of being apart for who knows how long, but I won’t. I can’t. Not yet.
“My guy,” I whisper back, kissing both his cheeks and then rising on my tiptoes to press a kiss to his forehead. “It’s time, J.”
Jordan nods, wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug. “See you soon, Hurricane,” he says quietly into my ear.
“See you soon, J.”
He kisses the side of my head and lets me go, reaching around me to open the passenger door. I kiss his cheek one last time and slide in, letting him close the door behind me. He steps back from the car, his eyes never leaving mine as Ben starts the engine and gives Jordan a wave before pulling away.
I glance into the rearview mirror, tears flooding my eyes as I see Jordan standing there, his eyes still on the car as we drive down the block. I last until we turn the corner, Jordan disappearing from sight, before I let the tears fall.
Ben reaches over to take my hand, and I grip it like a lifeline.
“So, you love Jordan, huh?”
I let out a watery laugh, leaning my head back against the seat. “Whatever gave you that idea?”
He squeezes my hand. “He loves you too, Jo. I could see it all over him.”
I sigh, swiping my hands under my eyes. “I know he does.”
I know it with more confidence than I’ve ever known anything. And I hope, once he gets settled intohisnew life, that he’ll be ready to say the words, and thenournew life can start.
Together.
CHAPTERTHIRTY-SEVEN
JORDAN
September
