Page 5 of It's Always Been You
I’ve tried so hard. I’ve done everything I could think of.
It all feels like nothing.
Gabe hasn’t touched me in a month. Not since the dance studio when he got the call.
He’s grieving, and I love him with everything I am. This isn’t how my life was supposed to go, but Gabe is my life, so this is where I am.
Except maybe it’s not.
Because Gabe whirls around, eyes blazing.
Amelia and Olivia take one look at him and dart out of the kitchen. I stand my ground and let his angry gaze meet its mark. He doesn’t scare me.
“Molly. You need to go.”
“Excuse me?” I ask, my heart twisting at his use of my real name for the first time since Iceland.
“I don’t want you here. You can’t be here anymore.” His voice is vacant, even as anger clouds his vision. For the first time, my own anger rises, because how fucking dare he. The fury feels good, cleansing almost. I’ve been holding him and his sisters together for a month. I would lay my life down for any of them. And he asks me to leave? I think fucking not.
“Well, that’s just too fucking bad, Gabe. I love you and you’re mine, and we’re in this together.”
“No. You don’t understand.”
“Well then make me understand.”
I take a step closer to him, but when I press my hand against his chest where his heart thuds, he snaps.
“I can’t look at you,” he roars, the force of his anger knocking me a full step back. Even he seems startled by it, and when he speaks again, his voice is quieter.
“You remind me of everything I don’t have anymore. Everything I’ve lost. Every time I look at you, I’m so angry I can’t breathe. I know it’s not fair. It’s not fucking fair Molly, but life isn’t fucking fair.”
He laughs, but there’s no humor in it.
“My parents were killed in a helicopter crash because they couldn’t just go see the Grand Canyon on foot like every other person in America. And now I have to raise two kids and settle an estate and figure out what the fuck to do with the rest of my life when I can barely figure out what to do five minutes from now. And I know you’re trying to help, but you’re?—”
He cuts himself off, looking down at the floor. He’s about to break us. I can feel it in my bones. But I think maybe we’ve been broken for a month already, our relationship dead the moment his parents’ helicopter went down. I didn’t see it. Didn’t want to see it. But I see it now.
“Just say it,” I order, keeping my voice strong through sheer force of will.
“You’re making it worse,” he whispers.
Pain lances through me, so acute it steals my breath. I wrap my arms around myself to hold all my broken pieces together.
You can, in fact, feel a heart shatter.
I love Gabe too much to be the one who makes it worse. His life is in tatters. I won’t be one more thing he has to survive.
I take one step forward, leaning up to kiss his cheek. His familiar scent is a knife straight through my ribs.
“I love you, Gabe. I’ll leave if that’s what you need, but not forever. For now. Call me when you need me, and I’ll be here. No matter where I am or what I’m doing. Nothing could keep me from you.”
I will my words to land, but he says nothing, just nods. The single tear that slides down his cheek has a sob rising in my throat. I shove it down. I can fall apart later. Not now. I look at him for one more minute, drinking in his gorgeous eyes, red-rimmed and exhausted, with his shaggy hair my fingers itch to touch. I catalog every part of his body like I need to commit it to memory in case I never see him again.
And I don’t see him again.
He never calls. Not that night or any of the ones that follow.
I do.
