Page 45 of It's Always Been You
Julie
We need donuts for this.
Hallie
It’s Saturday night. There are no donuts. Give us the highlights and reserve Monday morning for a more detailed story time.
Me
The date was amazing. Details later, but it just…I don’t even know. It gave me back a piece of myself that I think maybe I lost ten years ago when we ended. When we got back to my house, he kissed me in the rain like we were starring in our own adaptation of The Notebook. Fuck, it was everything. I don’t know what would have happened if the tree hadn’t fallen but it did, so here we are.
Julie
Where is here, exactly?
Me
Well, right now, here is in my car stopped at a red light while I follow him back to his house. I’m staying there for a night or two until I can find something to rent while my house is being fixed.
Hallie
Stop it. A fake engagement and forced proximity? I just absolutely die. That’s an A+ combo.
Julie
That’s a lot, Mol. Are you okay?
Me
Surprisingly, yes. I mean, I don’t love that it’s currently raining in my bedroom, but considering all that, and the fact that I’m about to spend the night at my ex-boyfriend slash love of my life slash fake- fiancé’s house, I am shockingly calm.
Hallie
You’re not just saying you’re fine, right? It’s okay if you’re not fine. You can tell us. You can tell us anything.
Emma
I was there. She’s fine. Better than fine, I’d venture to say.
Do you want to know what I think?
Julie
Yes.
Hallie
Yes.
Me
Literally always.
Emma
I think there is no rental in your future. At least not for a couple of weeks. And I don’t think that’s a bad thing. This time together will be good for you. It’ll help you figure out what you want. Whether what you feel for him is left over from what you felt for him before, or whether there’s something still between you that can grow into something new. There’s a really important difference there, and the only way to figure it out is to be a part of each other’s lives.
But don’t let what he wants influence what you want. What he wants is you. That’s not a secret. Take this time to decide what it is that YOU want.
