Page 24 of It's Always Been You
“How do you know I’m frustrated?”
“The Superman power pose. That’s your frustration move. At least, it used to be.” He says that last part quietly, pain in his tone as if the idea that something he knew about me not being true anymore is devastating.
The part of me that wants to tell him it’s too late for us, the part that wants to protect myself from any more hurt, gets just a little smaller at his show of vulnerability. I suddenly want to give him this.
“It still is.”
“And is pink still your signature color?”
“Well, obviously,” I scoff, cocking a hip and waving a hand at my outfit.
The grin that spreads across his face could light the room. And that fucking dimple winks at me. I’m not sure how I feel about it, but I’m warming to him. And then I warm even morewhen he walks to me and hands me the cup of coffee and the plastic bag. I take a sip of the coffee. Peppermint mocha. Of course he brought me my favorite.
I don’t have a chance to look in the bag because Gabe leans forward slightly, then seems to change his mind, taking a step back. He looks like he’s arguing with himself for a second before he mutters, “Fuck it,” and he leans forward again, kissing me on the cheek, lingering there briefly before pulling away.
Electricity zaps me from the place where his lips touched my skin, and from the look on his face, he felt it too.
“At least we know that part still works,” he murmurs.
“No shit,” I mutter.
He laughs and inclines his head towards my office couch. “Want to tell me about it?”
“Tell you about what?”
“Whatever it is that had you silent screaming in a power pose in the middle of your office.”
He takes the coffee and plastic bag from me and sets it on the end table next to the couch before clearing space to sit. The couch is covered in a mess of stuff, including a jacket, two sweaters, a pair of heels, a few client files, a copy of the estate tax code, my Kindle, a box of markers, and a sketchbook, but he organizes nothing. He just puts everything right on the floor in the exact position it was in on the couch and holy hell. The move is so reminiscent of the Gabe I used to know that for a second, I wonder if I’ve actually gone back in time ten years.
“You didn’t organize anything.”
He looks up at me and winks. “How would you find anything later if I organized it now?”
I don’t know what to do with this little reminder that, even all these years later, he still knows me better than anyone. It’s a real mindfuck, and I need to take a minute. Except I don’t have a minute because he sits and pats the seat next to him.
“Tell me.”
“Tell you what?”
“Tell me everything.”
“Everything?”
“Come sit, Rory.”
Without any reason not to, I kick off my heels and sit, tucking one leg up on the couch so I can face him.
Our eyes meet, and his are swirling with emotion.
“I want to know everything about you. Everything I missed between then and now. I know that’s a tall order, and a decade is a long time to catch up on, but I’ve got nothing but time. I could tell you I’m here because I need a lawyer, and even though I do, it’s not the whole truth. The truth of it is that I’m here for you. I’m here because without you, I’ve only been living half a life. I’m here because for ten years you’ve been the first thought in my head in the morning and the last one at night. I’m here because even though I broke us, and I don’t deserve a second chance, I would do anything to get one. To prove to you that I’m worthy of it.”
Gabe tangles his fingers with mine. I stare down at our joined hands, not surprised they still fit together perfectly. With his other hand, he tips up my chin so our gazes lock again.
“I’m here because you were the best thing in my life, and I was too young and broken to know how to keep you when everything else was falling apart. I’ve wished for years that I would have done everything differently. Because Rory, there is no one else for me. It’s always, always, always been you.”
I suck in a breath, my heart pounding at his last words. The way they mirror the thought I had so many times in the past ten years. When I went on yet another first date, I knew I would never allow it to turn into a second. When I spent the night with someone and left disappointed and sad. When I looked at my best friends falling in love and knew I had that once and wouldnever find it again. When I wondered, for the millionth time, what my life would look like if things hadn’t happened the way they did.
It’s always been Gabe, too, and that scares the absolute shit out of me. My heart has been shuttered for a long time. Opening it back up again takes a kind of courage I’m not sure I can muster.
