Page 99 of It's Always Been You
“It’s only fair.” Asher shoots his empty beer bottle across the bar to Jeremy, who catches it on the fly like the bartender he is. “Especially since I’ve always been an early adopter.”
Ben gives Asher ayou’re so ridiculousexpression. “I seriously sometimes wonder how you get through the day.”
Asher gives him a lazy grin. “Your sister keeps me in line.”
“Hey Jeremy, can we grab another drink for Jordan?” We all turn as Jordan’s brothers, Elliot, Noah, and Cooper, walk up to the bar. I met them earlier this morning, and I appreciated how the three of them glued themselves to Jordan’s side and have stuck there all day. Ben told me they drove in from Boston the second they heard the news and haven’t left since. It’s obvious they’re a close-knit family, and I’m glad for Jordan that he has that.
“Sure,” Jeremy says, turning to grab the whiskey Jordan likes off the shelf. “Has he said anything?”
I turn and glance over at where Jordan now sits with his parents on either side of him. His mom is leaning down and talking quietly to him, and the rigid line of his shoulders tells me how tightly he is holding onto his control. I know that feeling. I have lived that feeling, and my heart clenches, knowing how many impossible days Jordan has ahead.
Elliot sighs. “Not much. Thanks for opening your bar like this. I think going to Allie’s parents’ thing might have actually killed him.”
“A country club post-funeral gathering—what the fuck?” Noah mutters, shaking his head with a look of barely concealed disgust. “It’s like they didn’t even consider what Jordan, the person who loved Allie more than life, would want. The way he would need to grieve. I hate everything about that.”
Cooper lays a hand on Noah’s shoulder, squeezing it in comfort. I barely know these guys and I can already tell that even though he’s the youngest, Cooper is the peacemaker of the group. The one who holds everyone together. “Jordan never liked them anyway, and Allie wasn’t close to her parents. We were her family. Us, Mom and Dad, and everyone in this room. It’s about Jordan now, and what he needs to get through this. This is what he needs.”
Noah takes a deep breath and nods, but I can see the pain in his eyes as he glances over at Jordan.
“You know we’re happy to do it. We would do anything for him. For your family too.” Jeremy hands Elliot the drink and a glass of water. “Make sure he drinks the water. I’m sure he’s not eating, so a hangover is basically inevitable, but at least he’ll be hydrated.”
“I think he’d have a hangover even if he was stone cold sober right now,” Ben says, glancing over at Jordan with a concerned expression on his face.
“This whole week is one long hangover,” Elliot says, scrubbing a hand over his jaw. “I’m worried about him. We all are.” Elliot gestures to Noah and Cooper. “We’re all staying another week, but we tried to convince Jordan to come home with us to Boston for a while when it’s time for us to leave. He won’t. He doesn’t want to leave their house. When we go just…”
His voice catches and he closes his eyes for a second. When he opens them, I see the worry for his brother and also grief for the sister he and his brothers lost too. Cooper puts his free hand on Elliot’s shoulder, so the three brothers are linked together, and then glances between Ben, Jeremy, and me.
“Just watch out for him, okay? No one has ever loved another person like Jordan loves Allie. We really don’t want him to be alone.”
“He won’t be,” Jeremy says, his voice serious. “Ever. I promise. We all promise. He’s our brother too, and we’ll be here to help put him back together.”
“Thanks, guys, we all appreciate it.”
“Always,” Ben says, leaning in and hugging all three brothers before they go back to their table, sliding the drink in front of Jordan and then surrounding him on all sides, ready to hold him up until he’s ready to stand on his own again.
“They’re really good guys. Jordan’s brothers,” I say.
“The best.” Ben leans his elbows on the bar and props his chin on his hand. “They’re all super close, and I think it was a hard decision for him to decide to settle here instead of in Boston with the rest of them. I wonder if eventually he’ll go back there now that Allie’s…”
Ben cuts himself off before he saysdeadorgoneor whatever it is he can’t bring himself to say and shakes his head, huffing out a breath. “Well, whatever he decides, we’ll be there.”
Jeremy and Asher nod, and I’m about to say something but stop short when I see Molly step away from the girls. She catches my eye and nods towards the back of the bar. I’m in motion immediately.
Thirty seconds later, we’re face-to-face in the small hallway by the bathrooms, and Molly grabs my hand. The small gesture is everything. She might not think she can share her grief with me right now, or give me the thoughts in her head, but holding my hand seems to give her some kind of comfort, and I’m glad for it.
I cup her cheek with my other hand and study her face. My girl. She’s gorgeous, but she’s muted right now. She’s wearing all black, with not a color in sight. Her curls are pinned back instead of flying free. She’s not carrying any bags. And with only one single bracelet on her wrist, the jingle of jewelry that is so uniquely Molly is missing. It’s like grief has turned down hervolume, stripped her of everything that makes her, her. It breaks my heart even as it makes me determined to help return her to herself.
Leaning forward, I press a kiss to her forehead and hear the hitch in her breath. The sharp inhale that means the stifling of tears.
“Rory,” I murmur against her skin. “Let it out, baby. Talk to me. You can tell me anything.”
She shakes her head and squeezes my hand. “Not now, Gabe. I can’t. I just…I can’t right now.”
I pull back so I can look in her eyes, my hand still on her cheek. “You don’t have to. Not today and not tomorrow, but one day you’ll be ready to, and when you are, I’ll be here. I’m not going anywhere. I’ve waited ten years to get you back and now that I have you, I’m never letting you go. This is always and no matter what.”
The distress in her face has my heart squeezing and also steels my resolve to be exactly what she needs me to be. She’s sad and grieving, but I’ll be damned if she feels alone while she works through that.
Molly takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “Emma is leaving now to go relieve the babysitter. She’s going to drop me off at the house.”
