Page 13 of It's Always Been You
“I was in a bad place, but the one thing that kept coming back to me was how helpless I felt when Gabe was trying to wade through the morass of his parents’ estates, and I didn’t know what any of it meant. I know it’s stupid, but I got it into my head that if I had been able to help with that, I wouldn’t have lost him in the first place. So, I signed up for the LSAT and applied to law school so I could learn. It’s stupid, but my brain was in a weird place.”
“It’s not stupid, Mol,” Julie says, squeezing my leg.
“Why Pittsburgh?” asks Hallie. “Julie and I are from here, and Emma grew up in Cleveland, so the University of Pittsburgh made sense for her. But I always wondered how you found your way here.”
I shake my head. “It’s an even stupider reason than going to law school because I couldn’t help my ex-boyfriend administer his parents’ estates.”
“I swear we won’t think it is,” Emma says, squeezing my shoulder.
I shrug a shoulder. “I liked the Cathedral of Learning. There’s a picture of it on the Pitt homepage. It’s so soaring and regal and gorgeous, and it looks like a place where important learning happens. I love to learn, and it’s weird, but seeing a picture of that building gave me the first comfort I felt since Gabe ended us. The Cathedral just spoke to me. Once I saw it, I had a one-track mind. It was Pitt or nothing. I sometimes think…” I break off again because this time I really am afraid I’ll lose it. When I speak again, my voice is quiet, my eyes fixed on the blanket on my lap.
“I sometimes think it called to me because that’s where you guys were going to be. Like I was supposed to come here and find you. Meeting you put me back together. You gave me back pieces of myself I thought I had lost forever. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you all this before. It was too painful to talk about. But I should have. I should have told you a million times over the past eight years how much you mean to me. How I never could have gotten through those first few years after the break-up without you. Or any of the years since.”
The room is silent for a full minute before I’m attacked on all sides by my friends. For five full minutes we’re a tangled pile of limbs and tears and crumpled tissues, and I think again for the hundredth time today how lucky I am that I have this. I may have lost the love of my life, but I gained this. I’ve learned how to live without him, but I could never, ever live without them.
“So, what are you going to do, Mol?” Julie asks once we’ve stopped crying and unwrapped ourselves from our dog pile on the couch. “That man was determined. I’d be surprised if he hasn’t already called and left a message requesting a meeting.”
I straighten my shoulders in determination. Molly Jenkins’ shoulders slump for no man.
“If he wants to meet, we can meet. I don’t even know why he’s here. Who’s to say he’s even here to get me back?”
“Uh, his face when he saw you,” Hallie mumbles.
Emma snorts out a laugh. “Sorry, I’m with Hallie on this one. That man is definitely here for you.”
“He might be here to get me, but I’m not available to be gotten. I’ll meet with him when he calls to schedule a meetingbecause it would be rude not to. I’m not the one who bounces people out of their lives. He is.”
Even as I say it, I know that’s not quite fair, but I’m a little tequila tipsy, and I don’t care about fair right now when I can’t get Gabe’s fucking dimple out of my head.
“Okay.” Julie gives a satisfied nod. “I gave him my card so he would call me to schedule the meeting. I wanted to be able to gatekeep for you if you needed me to. If he calls, I’ll set it up. I can be there with you if you want me to.”
“We all can,” Emma says.
“I love you guys, but that’s not necessary, I’m sure I can handle one meeting with him on my own.”
Also lies. I’m fairly sure being in the same space with him is going to be unbearable, but I’m a fucking professional. Good thing I picked my pink suit up from the dry cleaners.
“Okay, but you know if you need us, we’ll be there, right?” Hallie picks up her glass again and hands me mine.
“I know. I love you all for it. Now, should we finish eating? It’s a well-known fact that reheated french fries suck, so we need to eat them now.”
We all grab our plates again, and it’s only when we’re digging back in that Julie asks the question I’m shocked no one has already asked.
“The Redwood phone. That’s a nod to you, right? You said he carved your initials in a Redwood when you were at school. He named the most profitable electronic device in human history—the device that made him a billionaire a hundred times over—after you.”
There was a time I knew Gabe better than I knew myself. I could hedge and equivocate or outright deny it, but what’s even the point.
“Yeah,” I sigh, sinking back into the couch and wondering what the fuck happens now.
Chapter Four
Gabe
The early morning spring air is still cool as I walk down the sidewalk in my new neighborhood.
I’m light as air. I’m practically fucking skipping. I love it here already.
I wasn’t sure how I would feel, leaving California. I was born and raised in the Bay Area and went to school in Berkeley. When my parents died, I stayed in San Francisco to keep life stable for my sisters and because Northern California is in my blood. But walking down this pretty Pittsburgh street, bathed in the golden sunshine of morning, I can finally admit to myself what I’ve known for a long, long time.
