Page 118 of Anything for You
I felt a little burst of pride at that. I’m already teaching her well.
I put a hand on Emma’s thigh, squeezing to let her know that I’m here with her. She gets to take the lead here, but she doesn’t have to do it alone if she doesn’t want to.
“Sure,” Maddy says through a mouthful of Reese’s Puffs.
“I wanted to talk to you about your dad.”
I’m not sure what I expect, but it’s not a nonchalant shrug and a casual, “Okay.”
“You know that the reason you came to live with me is that your dad wasn’t able to take care of you the way a parent should take care of his child.”
Maddy nods. “He went to jail. I think maybe I wasn’t supposed to know that, but I do because one night I heard the parents in my last house talking about it. They said if I found out, maybe it would make me sad, but it doesn’t really because I never knew him. Or maybe I did once, but I don’t remember him now. Is that okay?”
My heart clenches at everything she has been though, and at the vulnerability in her question. But Emma knows exactly what to say. She always does.
“Of course it’s okay. You get to feel however you want to feel. I hope you’ll tell me about your feelings, but if you don’t want to, that’s okay too. Sometimes feelings are private.”
“So, um, did something, like, happen to my dad? Is that why you want to talk to me about him?”
“No, honey, nothing happened to him. But Hallie and Ms. Cindy told me that you won’t be able to go back and live with your dad when he gets home. So, if you were okay with it, I was hoping that you could stay with me.”
“Like, forever?” Maddy whispers.
Emma nods and reaches across the table to take Maddy’s hand. “Forever. It’s called adoption. It means this would be your forever home. You would stay with me, and you would never have to go anywhere else.”
“So, you would be my mom?”
Emma’s body tenses with the effort of holding onto her control. I am in awe of her. I have never loved her more than I do in this moment, watching her explain this to Maddy so carefully and patiently, giving her what she needs to understand what’shappening. She is going to be the most amazing mom. I’m so fucking lucky I get to be here to watch her do it.
“I would, if that’s okay with you. You don’t have to call me mom. You can still call me Emma, or whatever makes you feel comfortable. The most important thing for you to know is that I love you so much, and I will always be here to take care of you. Adoption means forever. I’ve loved you since the first day you came to live with me, Maddy, and your home will always be with me now.”
It's the same thing Emma said to me yesterday and again this morning, but it hits so differently listening to her say it to Maddy. I know how much Emma loves her. I can feel it. Nothing on earth would make Emma leave her. I can feel how much she loves me too. It’s in every look. Every touch.
She won’t leave me either.
The realization hits like a bombshell.
“What about Jeremy?”
I tune back into the conversation when I hear my name.
“What would you like to know?”
“Well, you love Jeremy, and I love Jeremy. Is his home always with you now, too?”
I suck in a quiet breath and my hand tightens on Emma’s leg. She covers it with her own, running her thumb over the back of my hand in a gesture that calms my roiling emotions. When she speaks, it’s for Maddy, but I know it’s for me too.
“I do love Jeremy, and his home is with me too. I’m hoping that soon we’ll all be able to live here together.”
“I mean, don’t we kind of already all live here together? He’s always here.”
Emma and I both laugh because she’s not wrong.
“He is, but he still has his own house. Hopefully soon, he’ll sell that house, and then this would be his only home too.”
Maddy nods, staring down into her cereal bowl. I can see the wheels turning in her brain and I know there’s more. Emma does too.
“I know this is a lot, Maddy. Do you have any questions for me? You don’t have to ask me now, and it’s okay if you want to take some time to think about it. I’ll always be here to talk to you.”
