Page 106 of Anything for You
Molly sighs heavily. “We were talking about the craziest places we ever had sex. I said I once had sex in a dance studio and got…creative with toe shoe ribbons and a barre. It all kind of spiraled from there. But I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” She shoots Julie a dirty look.
Hallie reaches down from her perch on the couch and puts her hand on Julie’s arm. “Stop it, Jules. Remember when you kept debilitating anxiety from us for years? If Molly doesn’t want to tell you, she doesn’t have to. Everyone is entitled to a secret.”
Julie huffs out a breath. “I know. I’m sorry, Mol. I just thought I knew everything about you. It surprised me that you had this huge part of your life you’ve never told us about.”
Molly shrugs, but the movement is stiff and jerky, and she crosses her arms over her chest before she talks. “It’s fine. It’s just something I used to do. I never said anything because I honestly never even think about it anymore. It’s part of my past.”
Her body language and the tinge of pain in her voice make me think it’s not nearly as far in the past as Molly wishes it was, but if she wants to drop it, I’ll help her.
“Is Maddy asleep?” I grab a handful of M&M’s bags and flop on the couch next to Hallie.
Hallie nods, grinning. “She was falling asleep in her candy, so we took her to bed. We didn’t make her brush her teeth and we let her sleep in her Hermione cape because we’re the cool aunts.”
“She’ll live,” I say, tearing open a bag of Peanut M&M’s and tossing a handful into my mouth. “Is she sleeping with her wand?”
“You bet she is.” Hallie’s voice is full of humor. “She has a stuffed dog under each arm and the wand in her hand, and it’s the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. She asked about Jeremy again, by the way. I told her he was traveling for work, like you did earlier. My guess from the way you’re hoovering your anxiety M&M’s flavor, and the texts Jules and I got from Ben and Asher that they were on their way to Jeremy’s house instead of coming here from the bar like they planned, is that he’s back and something is going on.”
I look each of my friends in the eye, knowing that they love Jeremy too, and he’s going to need every single bit of that love. If he wants to be mad I told them, he can get over it.
“It’s a long story,” I start.
Julie pours a margarita into an empty glass and hands it to me. “Do we need tacos?”
I take a grateful sip and nod. “We definitely need tacos.”
“I’ve got it.” Molly picks up her phone to place the order.
“So, what happened, Em?” Hallie’s face is full of concern.
I consider how to start. “I guess maybe it’s not that long of a story, actually. Jeremy has a brother in Maryland he didn’t know about until a few weeks ago. That’s where he was today. In Maryland, to meet the brother. His name is Brian, and they have the same father. He found out about Jeremy at some point in the last year after their father died. Apparently, their father has known about Jeremy since Jeremy was born but just let himgrow up in the system. He was keeping a fucking file on Jeremy in a locked desk drawer. He knew everything, he just didn’t care enough to tarnish his perfect suburban family image or some shit like that. Goddammit.”
I take a long breath and let it out slowly. I guess I’m not done being mad yet. It’s then I realize that my living room is silent, and my friends are all staring at me, wide-eyed.
“What?”
“It’s just…” Julie trails off.
“I don’t…” Hallie can’t finish her sentence either.
Molly snickers. “Good to know you can get angry just like the rest of us. You’ve always been so level-headed.”
I down the rest of my drink then lean my head back against the couch. “God, I’m so fucking angry. The way he grew up…” I shake my head. “No kid should have to grow up like that. And knowing he had a living parent who could have saved him from that? I just don’t understand it. I think about Maddy and how much I love her and want to protect her from everything bad for the rest of her life, and I don’t understand. And Jeremy. God, he’s so angry and so sad. He looked so broken, but of course he did. I love him so goddamned much, and I want to burn down the entire world for the man he is now and the little boy he was then.”
Hallie takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. “So why are you here with us and not over there burning down the world?”
“I’m not who he needs right now.” I rub my hands over my tired eyes. “He doesn’t think he’s enough to keep anyone. He thinks everyone close to him is going to leave him one day, and of course he does. How can you grow up the way he did and not think that way? But I’m not the right person to show him he’s enough tonight. Even though we’ve been a long time coming, the way we are now? It’s still new. Maybe even a little fragile. Heneeds people who are close to him in a different way than I am. My part comes later.”
Molly nods. “Ben and Asher. Jordan too, probably, right? Brothers.”
“Yeah, I called them all. And your parents, Jules. I know it’s the right thing. It feels right. But leaving him like that? It was the most counterintuitive thing I’ve ever done.”
Julie stands from the floor and takes a seat next to me on the couch, turning so she’s facing me. She takes my hand, and her eyes are serious.
“You did the right thing, Em.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Julie gives me a small smile and her eyes go soft, like she’s remembering something.
