Page 52 of Anything for You
I chuckle, enjoying the hell out of her.
“Just let me know when and I’ll be there. If you want me to be, that is.”
She nods with certainty. “I want.”
“Then I want to. Also, I’ll text you the camp details so Maddy can come learn to skate next week.”
I wish I could be the one to teach her, I think again.
Like always, Emma reads my mind. Reaching down to take my hand, she links our fingers together, squeezing my hand the way she does when she’s offering comfort. She leans up and kisses my cheek, whispering a goodnight into my ear, and I wrap her in a tight hug, kissing the side of her head, and then leave before I do something like beg her to let me stay.
As I walk to my car, contentment washes through me at the same time as anxiety pools in my stomach. It was all a little simpler sitting on the couch in Emma’s warm, happy house, kissing the breath out of her for the first time in eight years, feeling the rightness of it all. Stopping us from taking it too far so I don’t screw it all up again.
As the chill of the fall night seeps into my bones, it suddenly seems like the opposite of simple. I’m the last person who knows how to be in a relationship of any kind. If I could do it for anyone, it would be Emma, but my trauma runs deep, and permanence scares the shit out of me.
Needing a distraction, I turn on my phone as I slide into my car and pull up my email. I click on one from a name I don’t recognize. The subject line readsgetting in touch,and it’s not immediately suspicious since I get all kinds of emails from people I don’t know through the foundation. But as soon as I open the email, I wish I hadn’t.
From:[email protected]
Subject:Getting in Touch
Dear Jeremy,
You don’t know me, but my name is Brian Simpson, and I think I might be your brother. I know this is a bizarre email to send someoneout of the blue, but I thought it was the best way to get in touch. I thought about calling, but didn’t want to ambush you. At least with an email you can decide whether you want to respond or not.
It’s a long story, and I would love to tell you the whole thing, but the short version is that I’m pretty sure we have the same father. I think we’re family.
If you would be up for it, I would really like to meet you. I live just outside DC in Bethesda, Maryland, so we actually aren’t that far apart. I know this is probably a huge shock, so take all the time you need.
All the best,
Brian
What the fucking fuck?
I read the email again, and then two more times before I finally stab the delete icon so fast my phone slips out of my hands and tumbles to the floor of the car. I pick it up with a shaking hand and drop it into the cup holder before finally turning on the car and driving away, words likebrotherandfatherandfamilyslamming into my head like hammers. All the way home I try to convince myself it’s a scam, terrified of the small part of me that hopes it’s real.
Emma
I close the front door behind Jeremy and lean back against it, closing my eyes and blowing out a breath. I can still feel the ghost of his kiss on my lips, and the damp spot between my legs makes me want to run upstairs to find a vibrator and conjure up some fantasy of what would have happened if Jeremy hadn’t stopped us with both uncertainty and determination in his eyes.
He doesn’t think he’s good enough for this. He doesn’t think he’s worth someone who will stay. He didn’t believe it eight years ago and he doesn’t believe it now, but joke’s on him, because I’m not going anywhere. I couldn’t look him in the eyes for eight years, but I see him now. The broken boy and the good man. The boy afraid to let anyone know all of him and the man who buys eight boxes of cereal to make a little girl smile. The boy who doesn’t understand permanence and the man who looked at me with a fierce need in his eyes.
I want all of him to be mine.
Heading up the stairs, I gently push open the door to Maddy’s room to check on her. I smile at the picture of her fast asleep, a stuffed dog under each arm, low light burning in the corner. It was a good night. A night that made me think that I can really do this. Care for her. Give her what she needs for as long as she’s with me. Tonight, I fell a little in love with her. Felt her heart braid into mine just a little more with every smile and giggle and word she spoke. I want to be good at this with a ferocity that surprises me. Tonight made me feel like maybe I already am.
Closing the door quietly, I head down the hall to my own room. I see the note as soon as I walk into my bathroom to get ready for bed. It’s taped to the center of the mirror, Jermey’snow familiar handwriting standing out against the white paper. He must have left it here when he got up to go to the bathroom while we were watching TV. I didn’t even notice him go up the stairs.
Ems,
You are doing such an amazing job with Maddy.
Thanks for letting me be a part of it.
I can’t believe I get to kiss you now. That’s amazing too.
