Page 79 of Because of You
I scrub my hands over my face, hating the idea of talking to Julie without mentioning it to Hallie first, but it’s probably the best option.
“Okay. You win. I’ll talk to her after breakfast.”
Jordan elbows me in the ribs. “You are the ultimate fixer, Ben. And I know you love them both. You can help make this right.”
Two hours later, I walk through the door of the girls’ office and straight up the stairs. Julie’s office door is closed, so I knock and wait.
“Emma, I told you I’m not ready to talk,” comes Julie’s voice from the inside.
“Not Emma.”
Silence. “Ben?”
I open the door and stick my head inside. “Yeah, me. Can I come in?”
Julie just shrugs, which I take as a good sign. At least she didn’t kick me right out. I sit down in one of the chairs in front of her desk and study her. She looks rough. Dark circles stand out like bruises under her eyes, and her hair is a mess, thrown on top of her head in a knot that’s flopping to one side. She’s wearing ratty clothes and looks like she hasn’t slept in a week. It’s a shocking look for my always put together twin sister.
“So, how are you?”
Julie chuckles darkly. “How am I? Well, Ben, my best friend and future law partner kept a huge secret from me and then told me she wants to change our entire plan less than five months before we open for business. How do you think I am?”
“Is that what you think she did?”
“Isn’t it?”
“Well, no. She came in here and tried to have a reasonable conversation with you about something that has been on her mind and the direction of her career and some changes you might have to make to your business. This wasn’t a whim. She had a plan. She figured it all out. She wanted to tell you, her best friend and partner, about something she wants and is excited about. And you tossed it back in her face, said terrible things, and stormed out.”
“She could have talked to me anytime during the last year. She could have told me she was struggling. That she was unsure. But she kept it to herself and dropped a bomb at the last minute.”
I blow out a breath. Fucking hell, my sister can be frustrating. “Jules, I love you, but you have never been unsure of anything in your whole damn life. You expect other people to be as certain about everything as you are, or you shove them until they get to where you want them to be. Of course she didn’t feel like she could come talk to you about it.”
“I wouldn’t have done that.”
“Are you sure about that? Hallie has spent her entire life as your best friend, walking beside you while you made all the decisions with your ironclad certainty. She has gone along with them because, well, sometimes it’s easier that way. And I’m sure that this is hard to hear, but you’re not always the easiest person to talk to and to disagree with. And for someone like Hallie, who just wants to please the people who she loves, it’s even harder.”
“She told you, though. You knew. She opened up to you about it, and she didn’t tell me. You didn’t tell me.”
Okay, so now we’re getting to the root of the issue. I start talking, hoping that this all comes out the way I want it to.
“First of all, it wasn’t mine to tell. It was Hallie’s. But opening up is hard for her. And you getting mad and refusing to talk to her for four days after she told you, her very best friend, her hardest, scariest, deepest secret, just affirms what she believes. That when she lets people really know her, they walk away. You crushed her, Julie. I’m sorry it hurts you that she came to me with this and not you. I’m sorry you felt left out for even a second. I don’t want that for you, and I don’t want it for the three of us. You’re my twin sister. We shared a literal womb. You are one of the most important people in my life. And in Hallie’s, too.”
“But you have her now, and she has you. There’s no room for me anymore. And now she wants to switch practices, so we won’t have work. There’s nothing left for me.”
“I’m so sorry if anything Hallie or I did makes you feel like there isn’t a place for you. Because of course there is. But I love her, Jules. I love her so damn much it’s almost too much sometimes. She’s it for me. My person. My goddamned soulmate. It’s always been her for me, and it always will be. What we have is real and true and so fucking right I think my heart is going to explode with it. But I promise, it doesn’t make you any less her best friend. The three of us will always be best friends.We will never not be family even if what Hallie and I have makes it look a little different now. And I’m sorry if Hallie opening up to me about what she was thinking in a way that she didn’t to you makes you feel like that isn’t true.
“Hallie is sorry too, and this is killing her. You have to talk to her, Jules. And you have to listen to her when she tells you what she wants. Really listen and hear her when she tells you what she decides. She is an adult and a whole person who is facing some hard truths about who she is and what she wants, and she doesn’t need you bulldozing over her, telling her the way you think it should go. This is her decision, and you need to support her. Support her and help her and be there the way family is. The way we always are. You and I will always have each other no matter what. But I can’t live without her, and she can’t live without you. It’s a tangled web, but it’s ours. It’s tough love time, Jules. This was a colossal fuck up. You were wrong. You handled this badly. It’s on you to fix it.”
As I finish, Julie’s eyes fill with tears. Julie never cries. Ever. There has always been a layer to Julie that is unknowable, even to me. A part of her that she keeps locked up tight and never lets out for anyone. I see hints of it sometimes, like now. It’s a look, or something she says. I wonder a lot what it will take for her to finally set that piece of herself free.
The sight of her tears has me out of my chair and around her desk in less than a second. I pull her up off her chair and wrap my arms around her. She puts her arms around my waist and cries out her tears into my shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I’m so fucking sorry, Ben. I got scared. Everything was so out of control. Like you and Hallie were forming your own unit without me. And then when Hallie told us about the offer, I freaked out.” She pulls away from me, wiping her eyes and sinking back down into her chair. I get down on my knees in front of her so we’re eye level.
She lets out a shaky breath. “It wasn’t really about the practice.”
“I know, Jules.”
“I feel like my best friend and my brother are slipping away from me. And god, I’m such an idiot. I’m so happy for you both. I swear I am. It just happened fast, and I’m having trouble adjusting. It’s a me thing, not a you thing.”
