Page 59 of Because of You
“I just… I guess I’m nervous about going back into the office tomorrow. I know Jules has a zillion lists of things we need to do, and she wants to jump right back in. But now that I’ve let myself think a little about what it would be like to practice the kind of law I’m passionate about full time, it’s all I want, and I don’t even know how I can do it yet. I know that’s what the meetingwith Charlie is about, but the thought of going to the office and pretending that I still want the same thing as Jules, Molly, and Emma is overwhelming.”
Ben takes my now empty plate from my hand and puts it on the coffee table with his, before reaching over and crushing me in a bear hug. He holds on for an extra minute, whispering, “I’m so proud of you, Hal,” in my ear before letting go.
“Proud of me for what? For being a hot mess who can’t even be honest with her best friends?”
“No, proud of you for telling me what’s on your mind. I know that opening up isn’t always easy for you, and I want you to know I see that. I’ll never take for granted it’s me you’re opening up to.”
Well, hell. My eyes start to water up. I wonder if that’s going to happen for the rest of my life whenever Ben says something that makes me realize how well he knows me and how clearly he sees me. And wow, my brain seems to have gotten too far over its skis because the rest of my life? No clue where that came from. But in this moment, I can really see it. I can see us coming home from work every day and having dinner together. Sitting on the couch like this and talking about our days and telling each other what we’re thinking and feeling safe enough to do it. And maybe it’s too soon, but that picture warms me from the inside out. For one wild second, I want it more than I have ever wanted anything.
Ben glides his thumb over my cheek and catches one rogue tear that managed to spill out, then puts his arm around me and pulls me into his side. I rest my head on his shoulder and let out a deep breath.
“What time is your meeting with Charlie tomorrow?”
“Eight-thirty. I told Jules I’m meeting with him about a case he wants me to take on. Which could be true, actually. He said he’s been wanting to talk to me about something, too.”
“Good. So go meet with him, call me after and tell me all about it, and then go to work and do whatever jobs Jules assigns you. Then, after work, I hope you’ll let me take you on a date.”
“A date? Seriously?”
“Seriously. We’ve been doing this for a couple of weeks now, but since we were at the lake, we haven’t had a chance to be together in real life. I want that. Let me pick you up and take you out and hold your hand and be with you out in the world. Please?”
“Yes. Take me on a date and let’s be together out in the world. I want that, too.”
Ben puts a finger under my chin and tips my head up so he can kiss me. The kiss is long and deep, and it makes my head spin. We break apart and stare at each other before Ben leans in again and lays his lips on my forehead for a long minute before he tucks me back into his side.
Once my brain starts working again, something occurs to me.
“Hey, you know, I’m not the only one with big career decisions on the horizon. Have you thought more about talking to your dad about the Stonegate deal?”
He didn’t talk much about the deal at the lake. He just told me that he told his mom, and his mom told him to talk to his dad. But Ben has been hesitant to have that conversation for reasons he still hasn’t told me.
Ben shrugs, looking a little uncomfortable. “I know I should.”
“So, what’s stopping you?”
He lets me go and turns around so we’re facing each other. “I feel…inadequate when I talk to my dad about my bar.”
I don’t say anything, knowing there’s more. Ben looks down at his hands and takes a deep breath before continuing.
“You know what my dad does. He’s this big real estate developer who does huge deals and makes millions, and I own a bar in my hometown. And it’s not that I want his life. I like beinga bar owner on the South Side, watching the neighborhood grow and change around me. I love that I have regular customers, and I know them and their families and all their drink orders. I love watching the college kids come flooding back every fall and being the place where they study and eat and date and have fun. And I love running a business with my best friend in the city where I grew up. I am living exactly the life I want. It’s not a huge life. My name isn’t on buildings, and unless I take this damn deal, my business will never make millions. And whenever I talk to my dad, I feel like it’s not enough.”
I squeeze his hand, feeling a rush of affection for the Pittsburgh boy I have known my whole life who grew up into this sweet, lovely, amazing man.
“Ben, did you hear yourself? Your bar and your friends and the city where you grew up? You are living the life you want. What we are to each other now might be changing, but don’t forget I have known you your entire life. I know how happy your bar makes you. What you’re doing is real and special and important. It is what you were born to do. If you don’t want to take the Stonegate deal, then don’t. What you’re doing is more than enough. It’s perfect. Talk to your dad. Do it tomorrow before you go to the bar. He loves you. I promise you, he only wants you to be happy. And so do I. You are my favorite person, Ben.”
I shift on the couch, so I’m straddling his lap, and wrap my arms around his neck. His arms circle my waist, and he buries his face in my hair. We both hold on tight, breathing each other in.
“You’re my favorite person too, Hallie girl.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Hallie
My alarm blares into the early morning. I reach out and shut it off then snuggle back into the warmth of Ben’s arms. His hard body is pressed up against my back, both of his arms tight around me and his face buried in my neck. I have never slept as well in my life as I do when he’s in bed with me. I start to unwind myself from him, but his arms tighten back around me, and he murmurs something unintelligible into my ear. I roll over in the circle of his arms and talk quietly.
“I have to get ready for my meeting with Charlie. You sleep, Benji. I’ll text you after.”
Still half asleep, and without opening his eyes, he captures my mouth with his for a long, slow kiss. My entire body lights up. I wonder idly if it will always be this way, and then I banish the thought. It is way too soon to be using words like “always.” I lean in and kiss him one more time before reluctantly pulling away. His breathing evens back out almost immediately, and I giggle as I climb out of bed. He is really not a morning person.
