Page 54 of Because of You
“She told us you know exactly what to do with your mouth, which is information I did not need to know about my brother.”
The caveman part of my brain lights up at this information, and I start thinking about what I can do with my mouth again at the earliest opportunity.
Julie slaps my shoulder. “I see where your mind just went, and fucking gross, Ben. Think dirty thoughts about Hallie on your own time. This is my time.”
I clear my throat and try to shake out the images flooding my brain—images I have no business having in my head while I’m talking to my sister. Also known as Hallie’s other best friend.
“Sorry, Jules. That was weird. This whole thing is a little weird. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. Are you mad?”
“I’m not mad. I’m trying hard not to be offended that you and Hallie both thought I wouldn’t be happy for you. I’ll tell you what I told her. I love you both so much, and I want you to be happy. If being together like this and exploring whatever this is between you makes you happy, that’s good enough for me. I guess I’m just wondering how it’s possible that all of this has been inside you this whole time, and I never saw it. And maybe I’m a little sad you didn’t feel like you could share it with me. I get it, but still. We tell each other everything.”
“I know we do, but this felt like a secret I had to keep. I couldn’t let it out because I was afraid it could mess things up for everyone if I did. And Jules, you didn’t see it because I didn’t want you to. I didn’t want anyone to. Even you, and especially Hallie. I never told Jeremy or Jordan either. But the last couple of weeks…” I trail off, wondering what even to say next. One look at Julie’s sad face, and I know I owe it to her to give her everything. “My feelings got too big, and they took on a life of their own. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. Like I told Hallie, I think eleven years was my limit.”
“I understand, Ben. I really do. So, what happens now?”
“Now, we’re going to give it a shot—being together, I mean—figuring out what all this means and what it looks like.”
Julie studies me. “But you’ve already figured it out. Haven’t you?”
“You’re too fucking smart for your own good, Jules. Yeah, I’ve figured it out. I know what we could be, but I’ve had more than a decade to work it all through. Hallie has had less than a day, and she deserves the time to work it out on her own, too. Idon’t want to dump all my feelings on her before she’s had time to get her footing.”
Julie’s eyes gloss over. It’s so unusual for her that I reach out and pull her into me. She buries her head in my shoulder, and I hear her sniffle. After a couple of seconds, she pulls away.
“I’m sorry, ignore me.”
“What is it, Jules?”
She swipes her fingers under her eyes. “I’m fine. I swear. You are just such a good person, Ben. My favorite person. And Hallie is my best friend. My second favorite person. You are lucky to have each other, whatever this turns out to be.”
Jules abhors showing any kind of vulnerability and would rather die than tell me what she’s worried about. But I hear what she’s saying without her having to say it. I pull her back into me for another hug.
“No matter what happens, you always have me. And Hallie too. You’ll never be left behind.”
She takes a deep breath and pulls away again.
“Thanks, Benj,” she whispers. “I needed to hear that.”
“Maybe we do have a little of that twin telepathy after all.”
She looks like herself again as she grabs my hand and pulls me up from the bed.
“Come on. Let’s go downstairs and make Jeremy bartend an early happy hour. I think we all could use a drink, and he mixes better than you do.”
She tosses me a wicked grin, then flies out of the room, yelling for Jeremy on the way down. I follow behind her, thinking that a drink I don’t have to make myself sounds great and plotting a way to get Hallie alone later so that we can pick up right where we left off last night.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Ben
Later that night, after dinner, I slip out of the kitchen and onto the deck. All the parents went to town to meet some other friends from home who are also up at the lake, and everyone else is otherwise occupied. Hallie stands alone by the deck railing, staring out at the sun setting over the lake. She’s wearing cutoff shorts, a hoodie, and flip-flops, her golden-brown hair loose around her shoulders. An August night personified. I come up behind her and press up against her back. Resting my hands on the railing on either side of her, I cage her in. She melts back into me and leans her head against my shoulder. We stand there like that for a few minutes in silence. She watches the sun slip lower, and I watch her.
Even in the dimming twilight, her green eyes sparkle at what I know is her favorite view. Her face looks calm and happy. I wrap both my arms around her, and she settles back even deeper against my chest. She fits perfectly against me. Her body curves like we’re meant to stand together exactly like this. I lean down and kiss her where her neck meets her shoulder, breathing in her cherry vanilla scent. And I wish, just for a second, that I could stop time and stand here like this forever. The fireflies flash, and the crickets sing, and the lake laps against the shore, and myfavorite girl is wrapped in my arms. There has never been a more perfect moment.
The sun drops below the horizon, leaving behind a sky full of brilliant slashes of color. The sunset in this part of Western Maryland never disappoints, and this one is extra brilliant. Like it was sent here just for us, to bless whatever this is that is growing between us. To add a little strength to the still-fragile ties holding it together. Hallie is still staring out at the lake, smiling softly. Her face glows under the painted sky.
“Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?” she breathes.
“I have,” I say, my eyes still locked on her. There must be something in my voice because she turns her head to look at me. Our eyes meet, and her breath catches at whatever she sees on my face.
