Page 48 of Because of You
Julie has barely said a word yet, and I look at her, a little shimmer of fear slicing through me at her mostly blank expression. I reach over and grab her hand, squeezing it.
“Maybe we should all sit.” They come all the way into the room and pile on my bed. I pull Julie down next to me and gather my courage, directing all my attention at her.
“I’m sorry you had to find out like this. I wanted to tell you today before everyone found out, but I didn’t expect you all to show up at my door. I understand if you’re upset, but I swear I wasn’t keeping anything from you. It all just kind of happened after the bonfire last night.” I look down at my hands, unsure of what else to say, worried that Julie still hasn’t said anything at all.
“Hallie, I’m not upset.”
I look up. “You’re not?”
“Of course I’m not. I mean, I was pretty fucking surprised to find the two of you all loved up in here first thing in the morning. But it’s clear that whatever went on last night made you happy. You are happy, right?”
“Yeah, Jules, I’m really happy,” I say, surprised at her reaction.
“That’s all that matters to me. So how did this happen? When did this happen?”
“I’m not sure how to answer that question. There’s been a weird vibe between us for a few days. Ben has been acting kind of…different, I guess? Like, more than just friendly. I was all confused about it. When we came up from the bonfire last night, we had a moment in the kitchen when I thought he might kiss me, but he didn’t. Then he showed up here an hour later and definitely did kiss me. And…other things.”
“Yeah, we’re going to need details about those other things.” Molly flops forward so she is laying on her stomach, her chin in her hands like a kindergartener ready for story time.
“I wish I could disagree with them, but it’s been way too long since I’ve had sex, so if you’re having sex, I’m going to need to live vicariously through you for a while,” says Emma.
“Guys. No. Just, no. It’s too weird.” I never have any trouble talking about sex. We talk about sex all the time. But this is Ben, and his twin sister is literally sitting next to me. There is no manual for how to talk about this kind of sex. Julie must sense what my hesitation is all about because she takes my hand.
“It’s not weird, Hallie. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I don’t relish the thought of hearing what my brother gets up to in bed, because, ick. But I love you, and I love Ben. If it’s you he’s in bed with, it feels different. We talk about this stuff, Hallie. We always have. That shouldn’t change now. I don’t want it to. And think about it. If you guys get married, then we’ll get to be actual sisters.” She leans over and bumps her shoulder with mine, and I feel a rush of gratitude for her easy acceptance of what she stumbled in on.
I lean over and hug her. “Thanks, Jules, but no one is getting married. It was just one night.”
“But you want it to happen again?”
“I do. I don’t know what it is, exactly, but it all felt so…right, I guess? Like, I thought it would be weird because—friend Ben. And shouldn’t it feel weird when a guy you’ve been friends with your whole life kisses the shit out of you? But it didn’t feel weird at all. It felt like the easiest thing that has ever happened to me.”
“Aww,” says Molly. “You are literally blushing. I didn’t know you did that. But enough of the sweet stuff. I want to hear the other stuff. Like, is Ben a dirty talker? I bet he is. It’s always the sweet ones.”
I pause for a second and then decide, what the hell? Last night changed something in me. Being with Ben changed something in me. And it might be a little weird with Julie sitting right here, but these women aremywomen. “His mouth could win an award. For dirty talking and for…other things.”
“Fuck. Yes.” says Molly. “I don’t know why, but I find that so satisfying.”
Julie shoves her back into the pillows. “You are so weird, Mol.”
“Your brother is hot, Jules, deal with it. And now we know the mouth matches the man. There is nothing better than a man who knows what to do with his mouth. This morning is all kinds of surprising.”
I just smile at them all, and as we keep talking, I feel lighter than I have in days. I have my favorite women piled around me. I had the most amazing night with a man who I am starting to suspect I have feelings for that go miles beyond the friendship we have always shared. And it is all happening at my favorite place on earth.
I have big career decisions ahead of me, and everything between Ben and me could implode and take our families down with it, but I’m not thinking of any of that now. Because in this moment, everything feels pretty close to perfect.
Chapter Thirty-One
Hallie
Eventually, we get hungry and wander down in search of breakfast. When I walk into the kitchen, Ben is standing at the island with a frying pan in one hand and a carton of eggs in the other. He tosses me a look so full of heat that I stop short, and my core turns molten.
“Holy god, even I want to jump him after that look,” mumbles Molly from behind me.
I snort out a laugh, and Julie elbows her in the ribs.
“Gross, Mol, that’s still my brother.”
“You were okay when Hallie was talking about him like that!”
