Page 26 of Because of You
“I’ll deal with you later,” she says to Jordan. Then she turns to me. “This is big news, Ben. How long has this been going on? I can’t believe Hallie didn’t tell me.”
“There would have been nothing to tell. Nothing has happened,” I say quickly.
Hallie and the girls are still making their way around the room. It’s only a matter of time before they spot us, and when they do, they will be over here in a flash.
“But you want it to,” declares Allie. Not a question. A statement. It is eerily similar to what Jeremy said at the bar last week when I told him. Fucking hell. Is every emotion I have just written on my face? I look at Allie helplessly. I seem to have completely lost the shield I usually have in place when it comes to Hallie. Telling Jeremy last week and the red dress tonight blew it to pieces.
On the upside, I’m no longer worried about hiding a hard-on in tux pants in a room full of the wealthiest and most important people in the sports world. Having my feelings forHallie discovered in the middle of this party took care of that pretty quickly.
I shrug, not sure exactly what to say. My biggest secret is out there for the second time in a week, and once again, the thought of someone else knowing is a relief. I’m not so sure how long I can keep up appearances anyway. It’s already hard to keep a lid on my feelings where Hallie is concerned, but ever since she opened up to me over her worries about the firm, giving me a piece of her that no one else has, it has been damn near impossible.
“How long have you felt this way?” asks Allie.
“Since senior year,” I mumble. “Of high school.” If I’m going big tonight, I guess I’m going all the way.
Allie just stares at me, completely still and silent. When I turn to Jordan, I see the same stunned expression mirrored on his face.
“Fuck, Ben. I had no idea it’s been that long. I thought you just had, like, a kind of crush on her. I’m sorry, man, I should have realized.” Jordan reaches over and squeezes my shoulder in a gesture reminiscent of Jeremy’s from earlier in the week. The show of support from the other man I consider a brother has emotion welling up in my throat all over again.
“I kept it from you.” I sigh. “I kept it from everyone. Although, Jeremy knows now. He got it out of me last weekend when we met to talk about the business. Hallie and I have been friends our whole lives, and she and Jules might as well be sisters. I’ve always just been afraid to risk that, you know? If she doesn’t feel the same way, or it doesn’t work out, it would affect a lot more than just me and her. It always seemed easier to bury it. But lately…” I trail off, not sure what to say next.
Allie says nothing, just puts her arms around my waist and holds tight. I hold her back. “You should tell her,” she whispers.“I know it’s scary, but life’s too damn short not to find your happy, Ben. If she’s it, you need to tell her.”
Do all my friends share the same brain or something? I close my eyes and rest my cheek on the top of Allie’s head. I know she’s right, and I also have no clue what to do about it. She gives me one final squeeze and lets go, looking up at me, her face filled with empathy.
“Thanks, Al,” I say. “I know it’s time. I just have to figure out how. Don’t say anything, ok?”
“I would never, Benj. Just know we support you. I love you, and I love Hallie. I think you would be beautiful together.” Allie can be prickly and scary sometimes, but she is a good human and a really good friend.
“Look alive,” hisses Jordan, before I can say anything else. “We’ve been spotted.”
Chapter Eighteen
Hallie
It takes forever to make it through the ballroom where cocktails are being served. The four of us are stopped a thousand times by friends, family, and people we know from attending Jeremy’s foundation events over the years. The Kids Play gala is a major event, which isn’t usually my scene, but I look forward to this night every year. Something about all these beautiful and powerful people gathered in one place to raise money to help kids through a foundation started by a man who has become like family to me over the years gives me all the warm and fuzzy feels.
We finally make it through the crowd and approach the high-top table where Ben is standing with Jordan and Allie. Allie rushes forward and, impossibly, catches all four of us in a hug. She squeezes tight, and when she lets us go, she shimmies a little.
“I am so happy to see all of you,” she squeals. “I’m excited for the lake tomorrow. Dressing up and the gala is fun and all, but two weeks at the lake where I don’t have to cut anyone open or yell at a resident for doing something stupid? Now that is living.”
I laugh at her characteristically blunt delivery. I’m excited too. Our two weeks at the lake are a precious slice out of time. Inever lose sight of how special it is that we are all able to take the time off every year to make it happen.
“Fuck, yes,” says Molly. “It’s vacation time. These last few weeks have been exciting as shit, but also fucking exhausting thanks to our resident drill sergeant.” She nudges Julie in the side.
Julie must be riding the same happy vibes I am from the gala and from being all together. Because instead of taking Molly’s bait, she just smiles and shakes her head. “You’ll be thanking me when we open an organized and well-supplied firm in a few months.”
Molly opens her mouth, probably to shoot something back about how Julie should thank her for making everything at the office look so amazing and how Julie better not bring all her spreadsheets to the lake and ruin our vacation, but before any words can come out, Emma claps her hand over Molly’s mouth.
“Don’t even think about it, Mol.”
We all laugh, even Molly. “There’s something comforting about having friends who know you well enough to know when you’re about to lay on the snark. Now, let’s find ourselves some drinks.”
“Got you covered,” Ben calls out from the table behind us. The five of us turn together to see Ben grabbing a bunch of champagne glasses off a server’s tray. We crowd around, me standing next to Ben with my shoulder pressed to his, as we all try to fit around the tiny table.
He turns to me and sweeps his eyes down my body and then back up again. “You look beautiful tonight, Hallie,” he says, his voice low. His normally ocean-blue eyes are dark and filled with something I have never seen before on him and can’t read. Whatever it is, I feel stuck in it, unable to look away, even as a feeling I can’t identify swirls low in my stomach. Then Ben breaks the spell, handing me a glass of champagne. He swingshis arm around my shoulders and smacks a kiss to my cheek like he always does, as if nothing happened.
What the fuck was that?I look around to see if anyone else caught it. They are all chattering away, oblivious to the moment Ben and I shared. I glance back up at Ben, but he is laughing at something Jordan said and not paying any attention to me. Is it possible I just imagined it? I don’t think so. My conversation with Molly in the dressing room last week about Ben having feelings for me flashes through my brain. She got into my head, and now I’m reading into everything Ben does. That has to be it.
