Page 22 of Because of You
“I’m just thinking about college. I was there, remember? Our bedrooms shared a wall for three years. You weren’t exactly…saving yourself for the love of your life, if you know what I mean. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for some fun, and from the sounds that came out of your room, I bet you were excellent at that particular brand of fun, but?—”
“They weren’t her,” I cut in sharply, interrupting Jeremy’s recap of my string of college one-night stands. Then I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “They weren’t her,” I say again, quieter this time. “No one ever could be. I guess I was just trying to…” I trail off, not knowing how to finish that sentence.
“Fuck her out of your system?”
I wince at how that sounds, but also… “Yeah, pretty much.”
Jeremy’s face softens and he holds my eyes, his filled with a deep understanding.
“Sorry, man, I was just kidding. I understand. Really, I do.” He lets out a heavy sigh. “I saw this a lot when I was in the league. Teammates who seemed like playboys when really they were just searching for their person.”
Jeremy looks away then. He seems to be collecting himself, but I don’t quite understand from what. Before I can ask, his gaze clears, and he starts talking again.
“You could have come to me, you know. I never would have said anything.”
“I know, and I trust you with my life, you know that. But it never felt fair to ask you to keep my secret. You’re close with Hallie, too.”
“I am, but you’re my brother.” He reaches out and lays his hand over mine.
The matter-of-fact way he says that, coupled with his simple gesture of solidarity, has my throat tightening with emotion.
“So, are you going to tell her?”
“I don’t know. It could really mess up both our lives. And Jules’ life. And our families. But it’s getting harder to keep it in. I’m in love with her. I’ve been in love with her for eleven years. I don’t know how much longer I can hide it from her. Fuck, Jer, there are times when it’s been torture. I’ve had to watch her for years, dating people who aren’t me. Seeing her when she brought her college boyfriend home almost killed me. I wantedto punch that smug asshole. And when she dated that lawyer at her firm last year? Watching them together tore my fucking heart out.”
“Look, I know it’s not the same thing, but none of us know how long we have with the things we love.”
Jeremy’s face darkens for a split second and unconsciously, his hand drifts down to his bad knee. I know he’s thinking about his hockey career and the way it ended. He never acts anything but okay with the abrupt end to his career, but sometimes I wonder if that’s really the truth.
“If you really love her, you should tell her,” he says quietly. “Or at least start hinting around and see what happens. Life’s too fucking short not to.”
I say nothing; he’s completely right. It’s time.
Not a moment too soon, the server drops two huge baskets of wings and fries on our table. “Can we be done with the emotional wreckage portion of this afternoon now?”
“You know it, pretty friend,” Jeremy snarks.
I throw a napkin at him, and we settle in with our wings and our beers to watch some baseball, content to put our big thoughts aside for now.
Chapter Fifteen
Hallie
“Are you fucking kidding me with that, Hal? Take it off.”
Molly is sprawled on the couch in the big, lavish dressing room of Gallery, champagne in one hand and phone in the other. She convinced her friend to shut down the store for two hours, so the four of us are on a solo shopping excursion. Molly chose her dress ten minutes after we set foot in the store, and she is now doing her very best impression of one of the difficult family members on aSay Yes to the Dressepisode.
I am wearing a massive pink dress with ten layers of tulle and short, puffy sleeves. It is the most hideous one I could find. I can’t figure out why it is in this chic, painfully expensive Shadyside boutique, but the second I saw it, I knew it was perfect for the dressing room picture Ben so weirdly requested.
“Quick, take a picture.” I toss my phone to Molly and strike a pose.
“Um, why am I taking a picture of you in a dress that resembles cotton candy?” she asks as she stands up and snaps the picture.
“Ben asked me to send him pictures of the dresses I try on, so I wanted to find the grossest one I could and send him a picture of that.”
She hands my phone back to me. “He asked for what?”
“Dress pictures.” I shrug.
