Page 40 of Because of You
“I know you’re right,” I whisper. “But this is hard for me.”
“I know it is, Hal, but that doesn’t mean it’s not the right choice.”
“So what do I do now?” I ask, like Ben has all the answers. Because honestly, sitting here late at night next to the lake and the dying fire, it feels like he just might.
“I have an idea if you’re open to it.”
“At this point, I’ll take whatever you’ve got.”
“I think you might feel better talking to Julie and the girls if you have a plan. Jules doesn’t do well with abstractions, so if yougo to her with all your feelings, we both know it won’t go well. More likely than not, she’ll just bully you into thinking her way.”
I snort out a laugh because doesn’t Ben just have everyone figured out tonight.
“So, I think in the morning, you should email Charlie Callahan and set up a meeting as soon as you’re back in Pittsburgh. He has been practicing family law for his entire career, so he’ll have a good perspective on this. Maybe he finally needs another lawyer at his firm, or he knows of another firm looking to hire. Or maybe he has some ideas on how to establish a family law practice under the umbrella of the firm you are already setting up. Whatever it is, he’ll be able to give you advice that I can’t. Once you schedule the meeting, set it aside for the rest of the time we’re here. Take the vacation, read all the books, sit in the sun, let our moms take care of you a little bit. And when we’re back in town, you’ll have the meeting, and we’ll do whatever comes next. But for what it’s worth, I think you already do incredible family law work, and if this is the direction you want to take your career, you should do it. I’ll be here to support you all the way.”
We’ll do whatever comes next.I’ll be here to support you. My relief at Ben’s words, at not being alone in this anymore, at having a plan and someone to shoulder some of my burden after all these months of floundering, is enormous. I wrap myself around Ben, squeezing him tight.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“I’ve got you, Hal. I’ll always be here for you. You don’t ever have to go it alone.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Ben
Hallie is pretty wrung out after our talk, so I pour water on the fire, and we gather up the rest of the blankets to carry up to the house. Hallie goes to throw them in the laundry room while I grab her big tumbler, filling it with ice and water. Her look of gratitude last night over me doing something as simple as filling her water cup the way she likes it makes me want to do as many things for her as I can. Hallie Evans has done too much on her own for far too long. She needs someone to take care of her, and I want that someone to be me.
She comes back in, and I hand her the cup. She sets it on the kitchen counter and then throws her arms around me. I wrap mine around her and hold on, resting my cheek on top of her head and breathing in the cherry vanilla smell of her shampoo mixed with a hint of bonfire smoke. She loosens her hold and steps back but doesn’t let go of me, and I don’t let go of her. We stand frozen, the air around us so charged that I feel my skin prickle with it. I see in her eyes the emotion that my entire body is humming with.Desire.
For a split second I think it’s going to happen right here in the kitchen of my parents’ lake house. That I am going to lean in and kiss her like I have been thinking about doing almost everyday for the last eleven years. But, at the last minute, it’s me who pulls away, dropping a kiss on Hallie’s head and pushing a lock of hair back behind her ear. My fingers graze her ear and then linger on her cheek for a second longer before I drop my hand, eyes never leaving hers.
“Goodnight, Hallie.”
“Goodnight, Ben,” she whispers.
And then she’s gone.
Behind my closed bedroom door, I pace my room. Through the entire shower I just took and now as I wear a path on my bedroom carpet, my only thought is what an idiot I am. The moment was right there, and I hesitated. I know what I saw in her eyes. On her face. I’ve been waiting eleven years for Hallie to look at me the way she was looking at me in the kitchen.
It’s after midnight, but there is no way I’m going to fall asleep tonight after that, knowing that Hallie is just downstairs. The past couple of days have required more restraint than I was aware I possessed. Tonight, down in the kitchen, I reached my limit. It’s probably a stupid idea to do this in the middle of the night, and it might end up backfiring spectacularly, but I can’t wait anymore. Decision made, I leave my room.
I pause for a second outside my door. This could all go terribly wrong. I could be about to make a mistake that will cost our families decades of easy, uncomplicated friendship. It could screw up my relationship with my sister when I make her feel like she has to choose, at least temporarily, between Hallie and me. But I have come this far, and after our talk by the fire and the moment in the kitchen, I am surer than ever that even if Halliedoesn’t feel exactly what I feel, she sure feels something. There’s no turning back now.
I take off barefoot down the stairs, avoiding the creaky second step, and walk to Hallie’s bedroom door. Praying that I don’t completely fuck up my life in the next ten minutes, I lift my hand and knock. A second later, Hallie opens the door, and her eyes go wide when she sees me. It’s only then that I realize I’m wearing low-slung sweatpants and an old t-shirt so worn it’s practically transparent, and my hair is a disaster from running my hands through it for twenty minutes straight while I paced my bedroom.
Hallie’s hair is piled up on top of her head, damp from the shower, and her face is a little pink with that just washed look. Jesus, she’s pretty. She is dressed in tiny sleep shorts and an oversized t-shirt. My traitorous eyes drop to her chest, and it’s clear that she isn’t wearing a bra. Fuck.
“Ben,” she stammers, crossing her arms over her chest when she realizes exactly what I’m looking at. “What are you doing here?”
“We need to talk, Hal.”
“About what?”
“I think you know what.”
That seems to get to her. She stiffens and steps back, letting me into her bedroom and closing the door behind me. She stands there for a second, her hand resting on the now closed door, before she turns back around to face me.
“About what happened in the kitchen…” I start.
