Page 37 of Finding Jeremy
Jeremy could see the sincerity in Gray’s eyes when he spoke and reached for his hand, clinging to it.
“It will be weird not living with the old man anymore,” Jeremy admitted. “But maybe he’ll finally start dating again once I’m out of the house. I thought he would, if not when I was in junior high, then at least when I got to high school, but even after I graduated, he never brought anyone around.”
“Hate to tell you this, kid, but I’m pretty sure he’s a confirmed bachelor by now.”
“Don’t you think that’s kinda shitty?”
Gray shrugged.
“I dunno, who’s to say? Some people like having someone around all the time; others just wanna do their own thing. I always wanted the kind of love my grandparents had. I’d like to think my mom and dad were the same way, but I don’t really remember him, just the way my mom was after she lost him. She never married again either. Never really looked at another man,which was probably a good thing. I don’t know if I could have handled having a stepdad. I was a pissed-off kid by the time I got to high school and even angrier by the time I got out and went to work at the grain factory. Half the time I felt like I was just spinning my wheels on some bullshit, making peanuts while working myself to the bone, and the rest of the time I couldn’t figure out what the point was of dealing with the daily grind when it never felt like I was getting anywhere.”
“Where’d you wanna go?”
“That was the kicker,” Gray said. “I didn’t wanna leave Foggy, at least not for good. I always wanted to travel and see the rest of the country though, which is why I can’t wait for us to start going on road trips together. It’s just that I always felt like there was this itchy, prickly sensation beneath my skin that never fully went away. Made it hard to sleep and even harder to keep waking up in the morning and going in to work at that goddamn factory. If I hadn’t fallen in with the MC, I don’t know what I’d have gotten into. Probably something worse than the shit I wound up pulling to get locked up.”
“My grandfather used to tell a similar story, about how he met some older riders while he was wandering the country on his own, fell in with them, and started to figure out how to put the pieces of his life together so he could be a better father for my old man than his had been for him. It really taught me that the sideways looks people gave when they saw the kuttes and the tattoos were just judging what was on the surface. That no one could have a true understanding of what the club and brotherhood meant until they were a part of it and felt the strength of that unity and what could truly be accomplished when people worked together.”
“Exactly,” Gray said. “And now we get to be part of a similar construct at work. This is a new life for all of us. A chance to use our talents, grow our skills, and do work we can be proud of. Thepast, our old mistakes, it’s time we left them behind us. You’re my future, Jeremy. The future I always dreamed of, even when I couldn’t see clearly what it was that I longed for. It was you.”
Chapter 15
(Grayson)
There was something almost surreal about a sunset. Maybe it was just that the colors and patterns were never the same, or maybe it was just that everything got a bit soft and hazy around the edges, making reality feel like a dream. Beside him on the picnic table sat a small, orange, cube-shaped speaker covered in skate culture stickers, grungy alternative music rolling out.
Jeremy’s playlist was a beautifully balanced mix of rebellious anthems and angsty ballads filled with wishes and dreams. The songs were like a roadmap of the things his boy cared about, and each new day out there together revealed something new. He was so much more than just his artwork and the extreme sports he’d always participated in.
So much more.
Within the depths of his soul was a winding whirlwind of interconnected thoughts and possibilities. Playing with thethreads of how things went together was fun for him. He loved to draw inferences and follow paths back through time to how they’d become rooted in pop culture or faded into obscurity.
It made for some hella interesting conversations, which Gray positively loved, but the quiet times were wonderful too, when they sprawled out together, Jeremy’s head pillowed on his shoulder, while they stared up at the stars and searched for those illusive constellations.
The sound of the tent zipper unzipping drew Gray’s gaze to where Jeremy knelt, backlit by golden fairy lights and mason jar lanterns.
“You can come in now,” Jeremy called out.
Gray brought the smart speaker with him after making sure their campfire was out.
The whole tent emanated a soft, golden glow as he approached, with several stars showing through the material. Inside he discovered that it was because Jeremy had attached several shiny yellow cardboard stars to the inside of the tent.
“Wow,” Gray murmured as he took the time to look around at all that Jeremy had done.
The sides of each mason jar had different celestial scenes, comets, and planets; there was even one with the phases of the moon running around the inside of it.
“Was all of this in the tote you asked me not to open?” Gray asked as he turned so he could zip the tent flaps closed behind him to keep insects from being drawn to the light.
“Uh-huh.”
The tone in Jeremy’s voice was different tonight, softer, younger. They’d talked about him having a little side that only really came out when he got to go to Haven and Maddox’s house for playdates and sleepovers with him and River, who was a little too. Maddox, Haven’s daddy, and Lux, who was River’s, were the first daddies either had ever had, just as Gray was Jeremy’s first.
Because they were so new to the lifestyle and used to keeping that side of themselves buried, it was sometimes difficult for them to let their walls down enough to let their little peek through.
Gray had glimpsed Haven’s several times over the years that they’d shared a cell, and each had to be the one to make sure he didn’t regress fully and give in to the urge to fully unleash his little side.
Not there.
Not in a place where it would have left him vulnerable if anyone else had ever learned of it.
