Page 89 of Ink and Ashes
I need to stay strong. Put my head down and solve this case. Keep my walls high so when she inevitably walks away, it doesn’t hurt.
Though something tells me it’s still going to.
“Morning.”
“How’d you sleep?”
“Good,” I say with a nod. “You?”
She smiles. “Also good. Thanks for staying last night.” I jerk my head, then she adds, “You don’t have to come, but I’m going to check out the church today.”
I swallow roughly. I don’t want to go back there, but I know we need to search the scene, and I’d rather not send her out there alone.
“I’ll come.”
“You sure?”
No.
“Yeah.” I stand from the bed and move toward the door. “Just let me get ready, then we can go.”
I leave without another word and head across the hall to my room. After showering and getting dressed, we get into my truck and head in the direction of the church.
When we pull up in front of it a little while later, my mind immediately flashes with memories from yesterday. Nausea builds in my stomach remembering that not even twenty-four hours have passed since Finn died here.
But we need to do this now. The longer we wait to investigate, the more time the arsonist has to clean up after themselves. I refuse to let that happen.
Holland must notice the tension in my shoulders as I stare at the burnt building, because she places her hand over mine andasks, “You okay?”
I shift my gaze to her. “No,” I rasp. “Let’s just get this over with.”
With that, we both exit the vehicle and make our way to the front door. Thankfully, the fire didn’t take too long to put out once we got water on it, so most of the building is still standing. It’s burnt to a crisp, but structurally it’s stable enough for us to be here.
We enter the church through what’s left of the front doors, my breath catching at the sight in front of me. Light shines in through the holes in the roof, creating a spotlight on the exact spot where the beam that killed Finn lies.
Holland moves deeper into the church, leaving me to wrestle with my emotions alone. She heads toward the front, searching for any clue about what started it. We both know it was a candle, and I just hope we can find something to prove it.
Once I’ve had a chance to catch my breath, I make my way over to the pew that I found the dummy under. I kneel down to tug what’s left of it out from under the bench, and tears start welling in my eyes as I stare down at it.
If not for this stupid piece of heavy plastic, I never would’ve separated from Ollie and Finn. I wouldn’t have let them continue on their own, and we would’ve finished venting faster. We would’ve gotten out before the beam fell, and Ollie wouldn’t be in the hospital right now.
Finn would still be alive.
Guilt eats away at me as I glance up at the ceiling, then at the fallen beam a foot away from me. My brows furrow as I look back down at the dummy, and I realize then that it was specifically placed under this pew in hopes the beam would fall on the person who came to rescue it.
Which wasme.
“Fuck,” I breathe as the weight of that realization settles over me. At the same time, my fist connects with the wooden floor, and the first tear since Finn’s death escapes. A sob racks my body, and the next thing I know, Holland’s arms are wrapped tight aroundmy neck.
I hadn’t heard her come over to me, but the moment I feel her, I release all control. She leans back against the pew, and I fall against her, finally letting myself cry.
Cry for Ollie. Cry for Finn. Cry forme.
“Shh, Colson,” Holland mutters, my head resting against her chest. Her nails scrape against my scalp as she keeps her arms wrapped tight around my neck, holding me up while I fall down. Giving me strength so I can feel weak.
She’s a beacon of light, shining through the walls I’ve put up. She gives me a safe space to fall apart, letting me know without words that I’m not alone.
I’ve never been more grateful for her than I am right now.
