Page 129 of Ink and Ashes
I never expected to find love again after Ellie—I never wanted to, because Ellie was it for me. At least, that’s what I thought at the time. I’m not so sure about that anymore.
I wish I could bring Ellie back. I wish every day that she didn’t have to die.
But everything that’s happened over the past few months has taught me that maybe Ellie was justaone along the way who was sent to teach me how to love; my for-now, for the time we’d been together. Who knows what would’ve happened with us had she survived.
I’ve spent years blaming myself for Ellie’s death, building my walls so high that it would take only the strongest person to break them down.
A person like Holland—and that’s exactly what she did.
Maybe Ellie was the one who sent her to me for that very reason.
I’ll always cherish the time that Ellie and I spent together. If it hadn’t been for how well she loved me, I wouldn’t have half a clue about how to love someone else. I wouldn’t have a clue how to love Holland. But I do, and I have Ellie to thank for that.
I don’t think I’ll ever get over how she died. Part of me will always wonder, if I’d been just a little bit faster, would she still be alive? But the other part of me, the one that came back to life under Holland’s touch, finally feels closure. Ellie wouldn’t have wanted me to live miserably or keep myself guarded, afraid to let love in. She would’ve wanted me to be happy. To allow someone to love me the way she once did.
So that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
Because Holland? She feels liketheone.
Like my forever.
I need her to make it out of this.
If she doesn’t, I’m not sure I will either.
I make it through the rest of the house with Holland in my arms. The team is on my heels every step of the way, using the hoses to clear a path in the flames for us.
The moment I make it past the front door threshold, I call out for Cassidy. She and Sam are already waiting with a stretcher, which I place Holland down on.
“We’ve got her,” Cass says as she places two fingers on Holland’s neck, feeling for a pulse. “She’s still alive, Colson. We’ll get her back.”
I jerk my head, stepping back to let them work. Holland has ligature marks on her wrists from where they were shackled to the pipe, but the rest of her looks okay.
I just pray she’s okay internally too.
“Col, you coming with us?” Cass asks as they begin to roll the stretcher to the ambulance.
I don’t hesitate for a second.
Minutes turninto hours in the hospital waiting room while I wait for news about Holland. Cass and Sam have been here with me since we arrived, and my mom and dad are now too. Once the team finishes putting out the fires at the house and does another sweep, they’ll also come.
“Baby, come sit down,” my mom says, but I can’t. I’ve been pacing the waiting room nearly the whole time I’ve been here, unable to relax. The doctor came out once to give us an update, but I haven’t been able to see her yet. I don’t know what’s taking so long, but every minute that passes that I don’t get to see her causes another ounce of worry to race through me.
According to the doctors, Holland has minor burns from the heat of the metal pipe she was tied to, and due to the amount of smoke she took in, they suspect she may have carbon monoxide poisoning. They have her on high-flow oxygen, but she has yet to wake up. The doctors haven’t said it outright, but knowing what I do about fire injuries, I can tell they aren’t sure if she’ll wake up at all.
“What the hell is taking so long?” I mutter under my breath.
My dad comes to stand beside me. “Colson, you need to calm down. You’re going to walk a hole in the floor. I’m sure the doctors will be out any minute.”
I shake my head, unable to take a full breath. I won’t be calm until I know Holland is okay.
I keep my eyes trained through the window leading back to the ICU rooms, willing the doctor to walk through them. Instead, the rest of the crew walks through the waiting room doors.
“How is she?” Dom is the first to ask. I tune them out as my parents fill everyone in. Once they have, Beau and Dom move toward me while the rest of the team takes a seat.
“Colson,” Beau says as he approaches, and I already know what he’s going to say. That they found Welland’s body in their sweep, even though I’d told them the house was clear.
I wish I could find it in me to feel bad about that.
