Page 100 of Ink and Ashes
The Colson I met when I first arrived in Ember Grove is long gone. Over the past month since my car caught fire, he’s been nothing but good to me. From moving in across the hall at The Scarlet to letting me move inhere, he’s gone out of his way to make sure I know that he’s not the man he first showed me. He’s sweet, gentle, caring, and above all else, protective. I’ve never felt safer than I do around him, and it makes it really hard to think about what will happen once this is allsaid and done.
After the funeral, I expected him to shut himself off from me again, to make it easier to live together. But he hasn’t. In fact, he’s done quite the opposite, opening up to me even more and taking it upon himself to start those cooking lessons he promised me.
I’m still not sure how to feel about living here, though. Part of me feels grateful for Colson for letting me stay here, but the other part of me wishes I’d said no. With the weight of the kiss we’re still pretending didn’t happen hanging over us, I worry that the urge to do it again will only get stronger.
It was different staying at the inn, because we rarely spent time alone in one of our rooms—it was always at the dining table, and Mary and Emmett were often around. But here, it’s just us. There’s no one standing in the way of something happening except for us. And I’m not sure how much longer I can hold myself back.
I’ve been careful so far, knowing neither of us are in a position for that right now. A relationship is the last thing I need, especially given what happened with Gabriel just a few months ago. And knowing what I do about Colson’s past, I know he’s not someone who jumps into things lightly. He’s been hurtbad, and I don’t want to add to his pain. Which is what would happen if I let myself act on my feelings for him.
But every day that I stand over that stove with my back pressed to his front, feeling his breath on my neck and his hand guiding mine, is another day I get closer to closing that gap between us. I stop myself every time though, knowing that if we go there, it won’t just be for fun. Feelings are involved for both of us and it’s going to make walking away that much harder when the time comes.
Because I will walk away.
Ember Grove has always been temporary. My goal is still to redeem my image and go crawling back to Toronto with my tail pulled from between my legs, ready to remind people who I truly am. One protective, alluring man isn’t going to change that for me. Especially when getting into another relationship is practically last on the list of priorities for both of us.
So we suffer in silence, stealing longing glances at each otherwhen we think the other isn’t looking and letting our touches linger a little longer than we should. And it’s working for now. But I fear that if we let it go on much longer, we’ll be skating across a line that neither of us is ready to cross.
Which is where we stand now, one of his hands resting on the counter millimetres from my hip, the other caressing mine as I pour a dash of seasoning into the sauce. He got home from work twenty minutes ago with ingredients to make his mom’s famous spaghetti.
“Just like that,” he mutters, his voice low and raspy. The sound alone sends a shiver racing up my spine, and I have to stop myself from letting out a gasp.
“Thanks,” I say, lust clear in my voice too. “For doing this.”
He takes a step back and puts the Italian seasoning down, and I turn around. I’m wedged between him and the kitchen island, the small space between us the only thing keeping me from pressing my lips to his.
“Happy to, Red.” His gaze trails down to my lips, and I know he’s thinking of doing the same.
But that can’t happen.
“Colson—” I start, but he quickly cuts me off.
“I know, Rhodes,” he tells me. He swallows roughly, then with one last glance at my mouth, he breaks our stare.
I let out a breath as I shift away from him and change the subject. “How was work today?”
Colson tosses a tea towel over his shoulder, then grabs the bag of pasta off the counter and adds a handful to the pot of boiling water. “It was fine. Strange without Finn there. I’m not sure we’ll ever get used to his absence.”
My heart breaks. “I’m so sorry,” I tell him softly, because it’s all I know how to say. I’ve been lucky enough to have never lost anyone through death. All my grandparents died before I was born, and all my friends and family back in Toronto are still alive and well. Brian Finnegan is the first person I’ve ever known personally who died.
Colson sends me a sad smile. “Thanks, Holland.”
I jerk my head, and we continue cooking. We move in complete synchrony with each other, as if doing this together is what we were always meant to do. I still wouldn’t consider myself a good cook, but I’ve definitely improved with Colson’s help, and I’ve gotten good at predicting what he wants me to do before he asks.
Thirty minutes later, we’re sitting side-by-side at the island with a bowl of pasta topped with parmesan cheese and garlic bread in front of each of us. A comfortable silence fills the room as we eat, both of us appreciating the company of the other.
It saddens me to think about eating meals alone again once I leave.
We finish the meal and clean up together, then take a seat on the couch, Colson on one end and me on the other.
“How was your day today?” Colson asks as he flicks through the TV channels for something to watch.
“It was okay. I’ve been focusing the investigation more on trying to figure out what it is about this year that’s important to the arsonist.”
Colson’s brows raise. “Did you find anything?”
“Not yet. Are there any other fires of significance that have happened over the years? I haven’t found anything in my research, but something about this year and this town are clearly important to this guy. There has to be something that fueled this guy’s obsession with fire, and I’m guessing it began here.”
Colson ponders for a moment, then shakes his head. “Not that I know of. Aside from the Welland fire and…” Colson pauses, swallowing roughly. “And the apartment fire five years ago, we haven’t had any that have resulted in deaths in that timeframe.”
