Page 109 of Starstruck
Her warning gives me pause, but Isa knows Lennon better than anyone—if she has a plan to help me, I’m willing to try. At this point, I’ll do just about anything to talk to her.
“Let’s hear it.”
[49 ]
AIM SO HIGH
LENNON
“ALWAYS LOVE” BY NADA SURF
Baxter
I’m sorry.
I miss you.
I never meant to make you hate me.
I’ve read the texts on the screen in front of me no fewer than ten times since I woke up to them on my phone three hours ago. He’s sent a variation ofI’m sorryevery day over the past week and a half since I stormed out of his house and left my heart inside with him, but theI miss youandI never meant to make you hate meare a new development.
I haven’t replied to any of them. I hate myself so much for letting him get under my skin and giving him the power to hurt me. And I hate him even more for using it, even though I know it wasn’t on purpose.
Baxter may act tough, but even with what happened,I don’t believe for a second that he had ill intentions. I just think he doesn’t know how to communicate because he’s never had to before. I knew that going in. I knew he would never be able to open up fully, because that’s not who he is. It was silly of me to think I could be the one to change him.
I told myself from day one that I wouldn’t fall for him. I tried to avoid him. I set rules. I did everything in my power to keep my feelings separate, and I fell for him anyway. Which means it’s my own damn fault that I’m heartbroken now, because I knew better.
I can’t even really blame him for not telling me about Logan in the first place, because we vowed to keep emotions out of it from the start.
He kept that promise. It’s not his fault that I couldn’t.
My fingers hover over the screen where his latest text sits as I debate whether or not I should text him back. I’ve been good at keeping my distance this far…but this one has me tempted to reply.
Maybe it’s because for the past week and a half, my mind has been on a constant loop of wanting to talk to him and being so damn angry with him. I’ve been more distracted than ever before, because I simply can’t get over the fact that the man I’m in love with is the closest person to the reason my parents are dead.What are the fucking chances?
Maybe it’s because we’re four days out from the day I’ve spent the past eight months pouring my blood, sweat, and tears into, and I know I’ll have to see him again.
Maybe it’s because, despite how mad I’ve been, I do still love him.
Whatever the reason, I go against everything I’ve told myself and send him a text back.
I hit send just as Isa enters my office.
“How are you holding up?” she asks, pulling my attention from the text thread as she takes the seat opposite me.
She’s been here almost every day the past few weeks to helpget everything finalized for the show. Between her, Sadie—who I’ve grown close to—Paige, and Dylan, I’ve hardly had a moment to myself. I still haven’t decided if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
“About as well as you’d expect.” I sigh, clicking the power button on my phone and flipping it face down. “I miss him so damn much, Is. And I hate that I miss him.”
She reaches across the desk, placing her hand over mine. “I know, Lenny.” She smiles sadly at me. “If it’s any consolation, I saw them all a few days ago, and Baxter’s really beating himself up over what happened. Colt told me he hasn’t been sleeping.”
“Good. Neither have I,” I huff, crossing my arms over my chest. “Wait, you talked to Colt?” I narrow my eyes. “I thought you hated Colt.”
After that day we ran into him and Sadie at Underground Espresso, I questioned her about him. She just shrugged nonchalantly, giving me some made-up story about the two of them, told me she can’t stand him, and then asked me politely to drop it. I did, and it hasn’t been brought up since.
Until now.
She pulls her hand back, the slightest hint of redness rushing to her cheeks. Trying to play it cool, she scoffs. “I stillhate Colt. He’s just concerned for his friend, just like I am for you.”
