Page 66 of Starstruck
I tilt my head in response before turning back to the window.
Colt and I have always had the kind of relationship where we can talk to each other about anything. He and I have way more in common than Levi does with either of us—he’s a breed of his own—and as a result, Colt’s opened up to me more, just like I have him. But unlike me, it takes a lot to get Colt to talk.
I have my demons, but Colt’s on a whole other level. He keeps to himself and never lets anyone see past the walls he’s built. His whole life is practically a secret—and we’ve learned the hard way that the harder you push him, the more he shuts down.
He’s shared a lot with Levi and me over the years, I think mostly because he’s come to trust us and has no one else to share his feelings with. But there’s still a lot we don’t know about Colt, and I’m not expecting that to change anytime soon.
I’ll be damned if he ever finds someone to open up to the way I’ve begun to do with Lennon.
As if he can read my mind, the next words from Colt’s mouth are, “How are things with Groupie?”
I put out my cigarette in the ashtray as a chuckle falls past my lips. The funniest part about that nickname is that Lennon is thefurthest thing from a groupie anyone could be. In fact, if it were up to her, I think she’d rather never come to one of my shows. But as long as this is going on, I’ll make sure she does.
“Good. We’re good.”
He gives me a knowing look. “Mhm.”
I furrow my brows, a look of confusion passing over my face. “What?”
He shakes his head, shrugging. “Oh, nothing. Just never seen you like this over a woman before.”
“Like what?”
He quirks a brow. “You know. Friends with benefits. Actually letting her in…” He pauses, and when I don’t say anything, his shoulders drop. “Like you’re falling in love.”
My eyes widen.
As fucking if. Just because Lennon and I have an indescribable connection and I feel more like myself around her than I ever have around anyone doesn’t mean I’mfalling in lovewith her.
Loveis not a word in my vocabulary, unless it’s being used in a song.
I don’t do love.
Right?
“No way,” I scoff. “Just because we have good sex doesn’t mean I’m in love with her.”
A husky laugh falls from the back of the bus as Levi exits the bunk room. “Yeah fucking right,” he says over a yawn. “Next time I have sex so good it makes me lose interest in fucking or even talking to anyone else, hit me over the head with a brick or something. Dude, you’ve been obsessed since you met her.”
I roll my eyes. “Eavesdropping? Really, Tanner?”
He shrugs, falling onto the bench next to Colt and putting a cigarette to his lips.
Colt huffs a laugh, pulling my attention back to him. “Half your goddamn album is about her, and we wrote that back in February. If it wasn’t obvious then, it sure as hell is now. You’reteaching her how to play guitar. You can’t go a day without talking to her. Your eyes light up like a puppy when you see her. You smile more. Your songs are better. You’re less of a douche. You didn’t even want to go on this tour because of her, for fuck’s sake, even though performing is your favourite thing on the planet.”
I groan, letting his words sink in.
It’s not that I’m against falling in love, per se. Because if I were to fall for anyone, it would be Lennon.
The truth is I don’t really know whatlovelooks like. I had a horrible example of it growing up, with parents who fought all the time. Based on what’s displayed in the media, I know my parents didn’t write the rulebook for what people look like when they’re in love, but I also don’t know who did. I’ve never truly seen a healthy example of love with my own two eyes, aside from what was displayed of Brennan and Audrey’s relationship over the years, and even their family had demons, as I’ve come to learn.
So it’s hard for me to believe that’s what this is. Because if love is anything like my parents’ version, I want no part of it. And even if it’s not, I still don’t want any part of it, because even those in happy relationships have lives full of pain.
I don’t need any more pain, and I know Lennon doesn’t either. But that’s exactly what she’d get with me, considering she still has no idea how—or even that—I know the man who killed her parents.
“I still haven’t told her about Logan,” I say finally, reminding them of how messy this situation could get if she finds out about my connection to him.
Colt lets out a low whistle as Levi’s eyes widen.
