Page 124 of Starstruck
“SUGAR, WE’RE GOIN DOWN” BY FALL OUT BOY
Iswear time stops as I watch her from across the room. Her mouth snaps shut, the words she was about to scream at me dying on her lips. She stares at me in disbelief as I take quick strides toward her, and though she’s only steps away, it feels like it takes years to get to her.
Standing directly in front of her, I hesitantly bring up my hand to tilt her chin so she’s looking at me.
“I’m so fucking in love with you, Lennon Amelia Thorne,” I say, watching her throat work as she swallows. Tears begin to well in her eyes as I add, “I didn’t tell you about Logan, because before his hearing a few weeks ago, I hadn’t spoken to him in eleven years.”
She inhales sharply at my words. Given everything that’s happened, I’m not sure what she was expecting from my explanation.
But I’m almost certain nothing could’ve prepared her for what she’s going to get.
I take her hand in mine, sighing as I continue. “My history with Logan is painful, and I didn’t see the point in reliving it when all it would do is hurt you, too. It’s a part of my life I don’t care to think about. Butfuck, I amsogoddamn sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner. I’d like to try to explain it all now, if that’s okay.”
Her mouth parts as she nods, so I lean against the back of my couch and pull her between my legs, the same spot we were in all those months ago when this thing first started between us.
I never expected that being there then would lead me here now.
I take a deep breath, needing a moment to find my words. Then with a sigh, I meet her eyes and begin to share the part of my life I’ve ignored for so long.
“I was nineteen and Logan was almost seventeen when our mom died. He’d just started his senior year high school, and suddenly his entire life changed because our dad, the drunk that he was, killed the only real parent we had.”
A gasp leaves her lips at that information. She knew my mom had been killed by a drunk driver, but I had conveniently left out the part about my father being the one who drove drunk.
“I had just been signed to my old label and was about to head out on my first big tour when it happened, which ended up having to be put on pause so I could stay back and take care of Logan. I didn’t even think twice about it. Our mom was dead, our dad was in jail—I was all he had left.”
I pause, giving myself a moment to regain my composure before continuing. This history is never easy for me to recall.
“I did my best, but I was still just a kid myself. I was also grieving the loss of my mom. So when Logan started partying and drinking more, I let him, because I was doing the same—I guess it was our way of coping with the shitshow our lives had become, even though we both knew better.
“It wasn’t until after he graduated high school that he really started going off the rails. I stopped buying him alcohol once I sawwhat it was doing to him, but that didn’t stop him from finding it. He was nearly eighteen by this point, and I’d told him from the beginning that once he was, I’d be leaving. Which I don’t think helped the situation at all, but I was selfish. I still am.”
I swallow roughly, watching the tears stream down Lennon’s face as she listens intently.
“There were more than a few occasions when I had to bail him out for drinking and driving or public intoxication. None of those charges stayed on his record, because I was always able to sweet-talk or buy his way out of them. I’m shocked I never got into trouble for letting my underage brother, who I was responsible for, drive drunk, but I was getting pretty big by this point, and I used my newfound fame to my advantage. It wasn’t until our father’s trial that I realized just how far gone Logan really was.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, exhaling deeply to fight the tears that threaten to approach. This is always the worst part of it.
Lennon gently places her hand on my face, and my eyes snap open, connecting with hers. The feel of her hand is enough to ground me, keeping me focused. She doesn’t say anything—just a slight nod to encourage me to continue.
I know I need to. If I want a chance to get her back, I need to tell her everything.
So I do. Even though this part might kill her, too.
Eleven Years Earlier
September
The courtroom gallery is empty, save for my younger brother Logan and me. I’m not surprised by that fact—with our mom gone, we only have each other.
People may know me now as Baxter James, the newest up-and-coming rock star, but deep down, I’m still Baxter Jameson, the twenty-year-old kid from Regent Park. No one really knowswho I am yet, so no one knows my family either.
Which is probably for the best, considering where I’m currently sitting.
I’ve done my best to keep this part of my life hidden from my fans. When most people learn about the poor boy from one of the sketchiest parts of the city, who grew up with a mom who worked three jobs and a dad who drank away every penny she brought in, they tend to pity me.
I don’t want to be pitied. I want to be adored.
Music has always been my greatest passion. All I’ve ever wanted to be is a rock star. I’ve always looked up to those who have come before me—Thorned Roses, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, and so many others have paved the way for people like me. And now that I finally have it, I’m not going to let anyone or anything take it away from me.
