Page 178 of Gym Bros
“Is there anything else I need to know about him that you know, and I don’t?” I ask.
“Just that he’s leaving for London after Thanksgiving to work, but I think you know that. And I think Marcus is going with him.”
I let out a long, low, oooohhhh filled with a lot of things. Disappointment, hurt, betrayal. Loss. “Are you fucking with me right now?”
She shakes her head.
“Is he—are they?—?”
“No. Oh my God, no. It’s just work.”
“How do you know?”
“Because he would never do that.”
“He’salreadydone that.”
“Calyx doesn’t love Marcus, Samuel. He loves you.”
“But he’s going back to work with my dad,” I argue.
“This is where the whole grow up thing comes into play,” she says.
Ouch.I give her another glare for that.
“Look, he barely wants to model anymore. He’s certainly not about to go shopping for another manager to do something he doesn’t want to do in the first place.
I glare at her. “Are you sure they’re not fucking again?”
She nods, sincerely. “He would never do that.”
Honestly, I don’t think my dad would either. I don’t think much of him right now, but I do think he’s got this one boundary. Still—the idea of them together at all, even sitting next to each other on a plane, makes me want to hit something. Specifically, my dad.
“I did know he was going, but I thought after this he’d go alone.”
Rachel doesn’t say anything to that, and I’m secretly grateful. I need to let Calyx live his life, and I need to get on with my own. But then Rachel says, “Will you think about what I said?”
“Which part?” She said a lot worth thinking about. I also need to think about some of the things I said, too.
“Just that it’s going to be okay, and it’s not actually an impossible situation. Not if you go by the strict definition of impossible.”
I nod. “Okay.”
“Then I’ll leave you to it.”
I walk her down to the street, and she gives me a hug that I wish I were getting from someone else. Afterward, I sit on the front steps in the cold for a while. Thinking.
I guess Calyx and I broke up, which might sound stupid for that to be occurring to me ten days after the fact, but maybe I haven’t been thinking about it as a breakup. Maybe I thought I was taking some space to figure shit out. Impossible shit like Itold Rachel, but sometimes it takes a week or so of trying to solve the same puzzle to realize it’s a lost cause.
I’m incredibly disappointed about Calyx sticking it out with my father. It feels like another betrayal, despite how Rachel explained it. Like he still gets to have a relationship with my dad while I no longer can—because of him.
Which is pretty fucked up when you think about it, but I guess I do need to grow up and take this one on the chin. Calyx is an adult with a career that existed long before I came around, and as much as I don’t want him discouraging me from pursuing my dream, it’s not my place to stick my nose in his business. Dude’s gotta make a living.
It’s the message I want to send to my father that has me concerned for my own sanity.Keep your fucking hands off him.
Not exactly the way anex-boyfriend should be thinking. But also—are they exes too?ShouldI be concerned? Do I have any right to be?
I feel like I do, and that makes me think I’m not quite done yet. Do I want to see him, though? Talk to him? Rachel reminding me how beautiful he is was a double-edged sword. It’s easy to get distracted by what he looks like because he does shine. He glows. But he also listens and knows when to hug instead of kiss, when to tickle instead of talk.
