Page 176 of Gym Bros
“Did you ever really want it to?” she asks.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Well, I mean were you actually serious about him, or were you just one of those guys who saw him as a novelty item?”
“That’s an extremely uncool thing to say when you’re sitting on my couch.”
“You’re planning to go pro, right? Like fight in the UFC?”
“Yeah.”
“And you know there are no openly queer pro male fighters. Zero.”
I shrug. “I train with two men who are in a serious relationship with each other. One of them will go pro eventually.”
“Why haven’t they yet?”
“I don’t know,” I say.
“Is it maybe because no one wants to fight them?” she asks.
“Idon’t know.”
“Is that one of the reasons you broke up with Calyx?”
“It has fucking nothing to do with it.” Despite my raised voice, she doesn’t flinch.
“Is it one of the reasons you wouldn’t consider getting back together with him?”
“Were you here while I was talking about Thanksgiving? My dadfuckedhim. Hisclient. And fuck knows how many others there were. And you know what? If the UFC doesn’t want me because I happen to be able to find a man attractive or know how to suck a dick, then fuck them. They’re the pussies if they can’t wrap their stupid mouths around a cock. They should be so lucky.”
She snorts. “Well said, Sam.”
“I wasn’t saying?—”
“No.” She holds up a hand. “I totally get what you were saying.”
“None of that’s the point, Rachel,” I remind her.
“I guess I’m trying to figure out if you’re mad at him or your dad.”
“Both,” I say.
“I talked to him the night of the birthday party when you were dancing with Pri. I wanted him to tell you about it.”
“You fuckingknew?” I ask because that’s news.
“Yeah,” she says, like she doesn’t give a shit what I think about the fact that she’s also complicit in this. “But when he explained why he didn’t want to tell you, I saw where he was coming from. He knew it would hurt youandyour family. And you know what? I ended up agreeing with him. I mean—I’m all for honesty and openness in a relationship, but when it’s a secret that has a blast zone as big as this one, I also get that sometimes ignorance is bliss.”
The circle we’re talking in is fucking dizzying. It’s getting me nowhere fast.
“But,” she adds, “If you were looking for a way out, you certainly found it.”
“A way out?” I ask, incredulous.
“Well, for someone who calls himself a fighter, you tapped out pretty quick. Begs the question whether you were actually interested in him or you were just having fun.”
I press my lips together and try not to lose my shit. I may need a moment alone in my closet. My fist is already clenching. My voice comes out low and deadly. “Is that what you think I was doing?”
