Page 56 of Stream Heat
"He said I’m fucked." The laugh that came out was too sharp, brittle enough to shatter. "Not his exact words, but close enough."
Reid sat down across from me. Didn’t blink, didn’t look away. "Be specific."
I had to suck in a breath before I could answer. Then I pulled the data stick from my pocket and slid it across the counter, because I physically couldn’t get the words out another way. "Eight years at three times the max dose. Military suppressants. My endocrine system is pretty much wrecked. My liver's barelyholding on. Hormones, too. The doctor doesn’t think they’ll ever normalize."
He picked up the drive, jaw tight. "And if you tried going back on them?"
"Organ failure. Neurological shit. Death, probably." I stared at my coffee, wishing I could climb into the mug and disappear.
The silence was bottomless. When I finally looked up, what I saw in Reid’s eyes nearly knocked the air out of me. Not pity. Something more primal. Fear, I realized. Real, gut-deep fear.
"So what’s the next move?" His voice was so measured it almost sounded like nothing mattered. Almost.
"Withdrawal. The legal suppressants, but for way longer than we’d thought, than Dr. Patel thought. Maybe a year or more." Another laugh, all edges, no softness to it at all. "Even then, everything might stay out of whack. Heats, senses, hormones...I could be permanently scrambled."
He absorbed all that. Nothing showing on his face. Professional, if you didn’t know him. Cold, if you weren’t paying attention. "What else?"
It caught me off guard. "What do you mean, what else?"
He was relentless. "You’re holding something back. What else did he say?"
Damn him for being right. I looked away, barely above a whisper. "He said pack bonding could help."
The air changed. I couldn’t describe it. It was like static, but sharper, more like the high pitched whine of a mosquito being too close to my ear. Reid went perfectly still, the way predators do before they move.
"Pack bonding," he echoed, voice gone low and dark, the Alpha side showing in a way that made my skin warm. "Explain."
Heat, which I was sure translated as redness, crept over my cheeks. "He said Alphas, being around them, especially in apack, can help stabilize things. Something about pheromones, balancing biochemistry during withdrawal."
"And?"
"And I told him that wasn’t an option." I forced myself to look up. "This is a business deal. Not a real pack."
Something flickered in Reid’s eyes. Annoyance, maybe? Or something that read dangerously close to regret. "After everything you still think that’s all this is?"
"What am I supposed to think, Reid?" The defensiveness flared fast and sharp. Anger was a shield, always had been. "That five Alphas I barely know are suddenly supposed to be my saviors? That I should just fold up my pride and give up my independence because my body is a train wreck?"
He shook his head, voice even but the heat never left his eyes. "No one’s asking you to surrender anything. But pretending this isn’t happening won’t fix it."
"But the only options suck! Either I live with being a mess for the rest of my life, or I start depending on Alphas for…basic functioning. After poisoning myself for years just to be taken seriously in a job that never really wanted me anyway? This is supposed to be a win?"
My voice went up, all the panic and fury I’d been choking down since the clinic finally spilling out. Reid just watched, steady and solid, refusing to let me spiral into self-destruction.
He let it hang for a second, then said, "The reality is you’re not alone in this. Whether you want to see it or not."
Before I could rip into that, footsteps in the hall signaled we weren’t alone anymore. Malik leaned in the doorway, concern written all over him.
"Everything all right? I heard some shouting."
Reid kept his focus on me. "Quinn had her appointment. She’s filling me in."
Malik’s gaze shifted to the data stick, then back to my face. "Do you want to tell everyone, or keep it private?"
That tripped me up. I’d expected someone to just drag it out of me, not ask, not give me choices.
"I…" I almost said no. Instinct. Hide everything. But the truth was, I didn’t want to haul this mountain by myself. "You should get the others. It affects the schedule."
Malik nodded, not making it a thing. "I’ll bring them in."
