Page 79 of Kissed By the Alien
“Always.”
“And will you tell me about Narzan?”
She’s sneaky, my female.
Myfemale.
Is she mine? Can I be with her? Could she forgive me for what I did to Narzan and not look at me with disgust?
I’m not prepared to see the loss of respect in her eyes. Or accept what I’ve done. “What happened with Narzan does not involve you.”
“You’re creating a double standard. You want to help me, you feel it’s your duty to watch over me?—”
“It’s my honor and pleasure.” How do I make it clear that it is more than duty or even the bond the gods created for us that draws me to her? She is exceptional in every way, and I canbreathewhen I’m with her.
“You’re shutting me out, Lutan.”
“If I tell you, you will only detest me.”
“I could never detest you!”
“And if you do?”
“Do you think so little of me? Even if you were goofing off with a loaded gun and it accidentally went off and shot your brother, I’d know it was unintentional. I don’t need the details to know this was a tragic accident. You loved him.”
“Which is why he died!” I shout then storm off. I stop twenty feet away, my back to her. “He died because of me. Because I loved him. Because I was too weak to stop him from following me. Because I thought I could protect him and let him experience a warrior’s life just the one time.”
She twines her fingers with mine. “He meant everything to you. I’m sure he knew that.”
I do not turn to her as I fear what I’ll see when I tell her everything.
CHAPTERTWENTY-NINE
LEXI
Iwish I knew how to help Lutan talk about his brother’s death. Nothing will change what happened, but accepting is the first step to healing.
“I lost my mother during the occupation,” I begin, looking into his eyes.
Even now, it’s hard talking about her without crying, but I’m determined, for Lutan’s sake. He needs to know he can heal.
“She went to visit her sister who’d been ill for a few weeks, despite the medicine and doctor that Dad located for her. My aunt Viv didn’t have any other family, but still, she refused to move in with us. She refused to give up her independence, despite the change in the law. My father bought her apartment building so no one could force her out. I think she hated that, mostly because it meant she was relying on him.”
“This sounds like you.”
“Maybe. Anyway, the local resistance chose that day to fight back against a contingent of grud the Coalition assigned to keep order in the area. My mom got killed in the cross fire.” I stop talking, as thinking about it becomes too hard.
Lutan takes my hand and presses it to his lips. “I’m sorry for your loss. My mother had been ill and passed quietly in her sleep.”
“Then you understand what it means to lose someone.”
“This is different, Lexi. Narzan was eeshone, ignored by most of society. Scorned by many, including our father. I accepted responsibility for him and I did the best I could, but when I left to train as a warrior at Izoran, I failed to check in on him as often as I should. Our father had left us by then, done with both of us. Narzan for being eeshone, and me for defying him.
“My first few missions kept me away from Zyan for a long time. When I returned home, he was gone. The farm animals all sold off to a neighbor. I tracked Narzan to Avan, Zyan’s capital. I didn’t think much about him moving to the city. The need to explore, to find his own path, is everyone’s right. What I didn’t realize was that he’d fallen in with the Brotherhood.”
“Is the Brotherhood on Zyan like the one here?”
“Yes. Though worse in some ways. They made him believe he was one of them. I had no idea he’d become involved with them. I thought he was happy working the family farm.”
