Page 20 of Wolf Unleashed
He chuckled and pulled their clasped hands to his lips, where he kissed the back of her hand. “You are very much a toy, my Alyssa, but you are also my heart. And Rafe’s conscience, I believe.”
“I think there was a compliment in there somewhere. Explain why you’ve been quiet and out of sorts since we left Rafe’s pack.”
“I heard what Rafe said to you last night. He’s right. There’s no bond between us. I’ve been denying it until now, telling myself that the bond was slow to form because you’re human or it’s there and just too weak to feel, that it would get stronger with time as we get to know each other better. It’s getting harder and harder to hold on to that belief.”
“Because you’re letting Rafe make you doubt yourself. I know what it feels like. He doesn’t believe I’m half-shifter, and sometimes I think he’s right.”
“Mates should believe in one another.”
“You said it yesterday. The shifter needs facts. Proof. I can’t really blame him, Tiernan. I’m not sure I have a wolf inside me, but something has always felt off with me, since I was a kid, until I met the three of you. Whatever was beneath the surface calmed down because of you, all of you. Maybe it’s wishful thinking that I’m half-shifter, so I’ll have something in common with all of you and not be an outsider.”
“You said you felt its presence more after blood-bonding Maddox.Red hot rage, I believe, is how you phrased it.”
“Yes, and no. The restlessness in me calmed when I met all of you. I could finally breathe again. I mean really breathe without fearing something was wrong with me. But when I’m not with any of you, the sense that I have something inside me returns, stronger than ever. Closer to the surface, and so very angry. I thought I was imagining it again, until I blood-bonded Maddox. That’s when it felt as if I’d opened some door to the beast inside of me. Not fully, just a crack. Enough for me to gain a sense that I don’t have to fear it any longer. At least not with the blood-bond there. The beast felt familiar, almost.”
His thumb caressed her jaw as his hand rested at the back of her neck. “You don’t sound happy about the prospect of having a wolf. Do you fear the possibility but think it’s the only way to not be an outsider with us? Because I for one couldn’t love you any more even if you were shifter.”
“I know you don’t care if I’m human or shifter, though there are times I wonder if that’s a problem for Rafe. I’m tired of being scared, Tiernan, of having this thing, this wolf inside of me that I can’t confront. But I no longer fear her. After getting to know all of you and meeting your wolves, I understand she’s a part of me. This is who I am, even if no one believes me. But I’m not whole like you. I want to be able to meet my wolf. And—” She stopped talking and looked past him as she thought back to her childhood.
“And?”
“She’s the only connection I have left to my mom,” she whispered.
“We’ll find a way to help your wolf, Alyssa. As for your mom… You may never have the answers you need. Sometimes life just hands you a bucket of crap and you learn to bury it or you end up carrying it around on your shoulders until the weight breaks you. Either way, you need to find a way to deal with it. I lost my mom when I was fifteen. Hunters. She, my uncle, and cousin were all killed. Shot in the head with long distance rifles. We never caught the bastards, even though we found their trail. They escaped via the highway that runs alongside our territory.”
“That’s awful. All of it. How do you survive something like that?”
“I dumped the bucket. Buried the bad and kept the good. The memories of how she always picked me back up after a fight, brushed the dirt off me, and pushed me back to whichever bully had been picking on me. Always with a smile, a kiss, and the words that didn’t let me lose confidence. Life goes on, Alyssa. Bury the crap and keep the good memories close to your heart.”
As she placed her lips against his, he released a breath. His hands glided over her back before moving under her shirt. Bare fingertips brushed her skin, tantalizing, tempting her, reminding her of how easily he made her entire body come alive. This wasn’t the place to start anything, not with Rafe nearby, at least not until she could figure out how to make Tiernan feel like an equal to Rafe.
“Rafe,” she called behind her. “Can Tiernan and I have some privacy for a bit?”
Rafe lifted a brow, then stripped, leaving his clothing where they fell. Seconds later, he shifted and ran off without a word.
“He’s angry with me,” she said.
“I think it’s the situation more than you. He’s frustrated. We all are. Don’t worry about Rafe. He’ll run it off. He’s a fair alpha, Alyssa. I’m proud to serve him, but it’s hard knowing how to balance this relationship and pack hierarchy when it comes to you.”
“If we’re to be a pack, then fine, but when it comes to this relationship, you three have to understand I love you all, and no one is in charge. I don’t care if the blood-bond took with Maddox and not you, or that Rafe won’t even attempt to blood-bond me. I love you all equally.”
“You say that now, but the bond will continue to pull you toward Maddox, haunt you until you are with him. Don’t you see, Alyssa? Maddox has an influence on you and he’s not even here. You were having a nightmare in Rafe’s cabin, sleeping right next to me, and I didn’t even wake. It’s further proof that there’s no bond between us. My wolf would have woken if he’d sensed you in distress, but he didn’t.”
“You’re discounting me. I tell you I love you and you ignore it as if this bond is everything and what I feel means nothing.”
“Of course it means something. It means everything, but you will have no choice, eventually. The bond is not something we control. You’ll be with Maddox and leave me. . . us. Rafe knows it too. But he’s not a realist like me. Beneath all that scowling, the male has an optimism that keeps him moving forward no matter what.”
“You sound like you’re going to give up on me. On us.
“I won’t leave you. But you will push me away one day soon, and I’m not sure I can survive that.”
* * *
The second Rafereturned from his run, Tiernan stripped and tied his clothing in a bundle, then shifted. “Take Alyssa to the interstate as we discussed,” he said to Rafe’s wolf, which circled the area, keeping fifteen feet between him and Alyssa. “I’ll meet you there.”
Tiernan’s blue-gray eyes landed on her, but he said nothing to her, not even a goodbye as bones and muscles moved, limbs shortened, and fur sprouted, forming a beautiful silver wolf. Tiernan’s wolf threw his snout into the air and howled, sending a shiver through her.
Then, with great stealth, he disappeared into the woods. The gentlest and quietest of her three loves was gone, without even granting her one of his smiles she loved.
