Page 92 of Hayden's Haven
Hayden pressed the heel of his hand against her clit, drawing a gasp. Her eyes flashed open. She stifled the urge to shout out Hayden’s name. To demand he fuck her with his cock, to take her hard, make her his again and not walk away this time, but Callen was in the other room.
Hayden was grinning, enjoying her predicament. “Should I invite him to watch?” He was fucking her with his fingers faster now, making it impossible to think.
“Yes. No. Don’t stop.” She didn’t know what she was saying. She’d say or do anything he wanted, as long as he didn’t stop, didn’t leave her. “Just don’t leave me.”
“You’re mine, Mila. Mine alone,” he said as he pulled his hand out, shoved her panties to the side and thrust into her with such suddenness she dug her nails into his shoulders.
“That’s it, baby,” he said as he lifted her ass until he supported her weight and she locked her legs around his waist. “Mark me. Show Callen, Drake, the whole fucking world that I belong to you.”
He gave a particularly hard thrust that pinned her tight against the wall. She couldn’t move her hips, only take his thrusts. Her wolf didn’t want to challenge him or push him away, but to hold onto him tighter so he could never leave her again.
The moment he teased her back hole, the orgasm struck her hard. She clamped down around his cock, even as he thrusted into her one more time before holding still and emptying his semen into her. The warmth of his essence coating her channel as he held her ass spread wide and vulnerable felt primal and so very right. She was his.
His head fell forward against hers as he caught his breath. He hadn’t moved. His cock was still inside of her, and she wished he would stay there forever. Except she was living in a fantasy. She knew it the second he tapped her leg, asking her to unlock her ankles.
“Why don’t you see it, Mila?” he asked, his voice as soft as his fingertips on her arm.
He pulled out, and already she felt alone. Yet when she looked into his eyes, she saw something she had never seen before. Vulnerability.
“See what?” she asked, amazed, honored, that Hayden was finally opening himself to her in a way she thought he never would. Why hadn’t she just trusted him with the truth from the start?
“You said I’m not like them. No one else sees it, not like you do.”
Her heart sank. Her shifter really didn’t understand how he could be so loved. Even if he needed to hear it from her every day for the rest of her life, she’d tell him, over and over until he believed.
“You’re the only one who doesn’t see it, Hayden. Damien sees it. Callen, Frank, even Blade when he’s not busy worrying about Anna, sees it.”
Hayden chuckled though he shook his head. Black eyes looked up at the bowing ceiling, but he wasn’t looking at the ceiling. “I understand Blade now more than I ever did. I’m not sure we’ll be friends like before, but I respect that. He needs to protect Anna.”
“Not from you.” Mila pulled away, a stark truth hitting her. “You blame yourself for what happened to her? For what your brother did?”
“I delayed sending Blade to rescue Anna. This was before we knew Anna, not that that should have mattered, but perhaps it was a part of my decision. Tess had begged me to send in a team, and I hesitated. Damien had gone feral and I was having trouble controlling the pack. I was afraid to let Blade go, as I had so few shifters who supported me. I let fear of the situation, of what Drake would do if I sent a shifter into his territory, rule me.
“Talk about being a weak shifter, Mila. I was a weak shifter. I didn’t have the confidence or faith in my pack or myself. I wish you could see how very strong you are compared to me, compared to most, but you only see the one that makes shifting hard, slows your healing. That’s a matter of genes you can’t control and never had a say in. It is a part of you just like having beautiful green eyes, silky dark hair, and a smile that captivates anyone lucky enough to meet you. But it is not because of who you are, or anything you’ve done.
“You’re strong, Mila. Always have been, even if you don’t see it. You left your pack to get an education, which isn’t easy for any shifter in this country, and you did it without the support of family and pack.” He held up a hand when she opened her mouth to speak. “And before you say you were weak and let Vance walk all over you, just don’t. You got trapped, but you never gave up. You escaped him. Callen and I didn’t do that. We only escorted you and Kate the rest of the way to Damien’s pack. You escaped all on your own. Then, in the course of a few weeks, you endeared yourself to a new pack, something I haven’t been able to do in the eight years I’ve been there. You have a strength I lack, Mila, one that any shifter would envy.”
Mila stood there stunned. For despite how angry those scars down his chest and left arm appeared in the soft light from the fire, it was the scars on Hayden’s soul that kept him from moving forward. And yet it seemed there was nothing she could do to heal him. Black eyes swirled with the need for approval and forgiveness, and he was seeking it from her. She could not absolve him from what haunted him, she could only love and support him. She knew it wasn’t going to be enough. Sometimes a shifter had to find his own way through the darkness.
“Hayden. . .”
“Blood-bond me, Mila.”
The request stunned her. Her eyes left him, traveled the room before returning to his face. Her brave shifter who didn’t see his own worth waited quietly, patiently, but not calmly. An acerbic smell struck her nostrils, making her wolf howl at the foul smell. Fear. . . Hayden’s fear. She had never smelled fear from him before. He was no longer hiding behind that mask of his, and she wasn’t prepared for that, for any of this, let alone an offer of blood-bonding.
“I lied to you,” she said.
“You protected yourself.”
As if that made it okay. It didn’t. But he was right. She had done it to protect herself, to keep from losing him. What type of person was she if she had seen lying as her only option?
She wanted him, desperately, but this wasn’t about what she wanted, or even what Hayden thought he wanted. If she loved him, she’d give him what he needed, which was the truth.
It helped to know he loved her, but it didn’t solve the issue of what a blood-bond would do to him. It would weaken him, severely, and she wasn’t convinced he could live with that. Few strong shifters could.
“I’m sorry, Hayden. I can’t.”
His face fell, but he nodded, as if he understood. She wasn’t sure how whenshedidn’t even understand. Right or wrong though, it was the only answer. Too much had been taken from Hayden over the years. His birthright, his pack, his family, his reputation, and some of his friends, all through no actions of his own. She wouldn’t take his strength from him too, not when he had a long hard journey ahead of him.
