Page 33 of Love Letters from a Libra
I forced a smile. “Something like that. The company has grown. We have a government contract now. What about you? Are you still with the environmental law firm?” I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, hyper-aware of how casual I needed to appear.
“We made partners last month, actually.” Candace’s words came out loud and slightly too enthusiastic.
“That’s great. Congratulations. You always deserved it.”
Her smile softened to something genuine. “Thank you, Jules. That means a lot.”
We stood there, trapped in the awkward purgatory of exes who once knew every inch of each other’s bodies and souls, now reduced to small talk in a doorway. Behind her, Jasmine checked her watch discreetly, and behind me, a couple tried to exit, forcing me to take a step further into Candace’s space to allow them to pass.
“How’s your sister? Still at MIT?” Candace asked.
“Yeah, graduating next year with an engineering and philosophy double major. She’s in town. We just ate lunch together. I’m surprised you didn’t see her outside. She left a couple of minutes before me.”
“No, I didn’t see Amir.” She laughed, and the sound triggered a cascade of memories.
“What about your parents? Is your mom still giving you a hard time about law school?” I asked, knowing it was dangerous territory but unable to stop myself.
Something flickered in her eyes. “Actually, we’re in a much better place now. Therapy, lots of it.”
Her words hit me with unexpected force. Therapy. I’d suggested it countless times, but she always rejected the help.I tried to substitute myself for believing my love and steady presence could heal what a professional should’ve handled.
“I’m glad. You deserve peace,” I told her meaning it.
My chest tightened further as memories surfaced, despite my efforts to keep them submerged.Candace at two a.m., grasping and clawing at her chest during a panic attack that came out of nowhere, and me talking her through breathing exercises I’d researched specifically for her. Meanwhile, my own energy was draining away with each minute, her nails digging into my forearms as she held onto me like I was the only thing keeping her from drowning.
“You were too good for me. I don’t know why you stayed?” she’d whisper afterward, curling up against my chest as she broke down.
I had no answer; that didn’t sound like a savior complex, so I just held her tight, ignoring my own exhaustion.
“How’s Aunt Nubi? Is she still making the banana pudding that changed my life?” Candace asked, pulling me back into the present.
I smiled automatically at the mention of my aunt. “She still won’t give up that banana pudding recipe, though, not even to Amir.”
“Some secrets need to stay secret,” she agreed. Her eyes met mine with the flash of something deeper.
“We should probably grab our table,” Jasmine interjected gently.
Candace nodded. “Right, yes. It was really good seeing you, Jules. You look well. Happy even.”
The observation took me by surprise. Did I look happy? Is that what Zanaa had already done to me, visible even to someone who once knew me better than anyone?
“You too. The partner promotion is huge. You worked for it,” I complimented, forcing myself to maintain eye contact.
She reached out her hand, touching my forearm briefly, the exact spot where her nails had once left crescent-shaped marks during her worst panic attack. “Take care of yourself, okay? You were always better at taking care of everyone else.”
The touch was innocent and meaningless. A casual gesture between two people who once shared a life, but it sent something through me. Not desire but alarm. My body remembered what my mind tried to forget, and how it always started this way—soft, gentle, needing just a little support, just a little small piece of me—until it wasn’t small anymore. Until I gave parts of myself, I couldn’t afford to lose.
We said our goodbyes, and I stepped onto the sidewalk, gulping in fresh air like I’d been underwater. My phone buzzed in my pocket, yet I couldn’t bring myself to check it, not while Candace’s voice still echoed in my head, not while I was still reeling from the memory her touch had just triggered.
I remembered something Aunt Nubi said to me.“You take care of people the way you wish someone had taken care of you and your sister after your mother died.”I never considered that before. My hypervigilance about others’ needs wasn’t a strength but maybe unprocessed grief. Zanaa couldn’t fix what wasn’t broken.Don’t confuse holding with healing. Zanaa didn’t need saving. She stood complete in her own power. She offered connection, not dependency. What if partnership, rather than rescue, was what I’d been searching for all along?
Libra Daily Horoscope– Mercury is in retrograde, and so is your patience. Let people show up the way they know how, and decide from there what you need. You don’t owe anyone your peace.
I staredat my phone screen, scrolling through the history between Jules and me. Almost another week had gone by. That day when he left, all I got was a ‘got home safe,’ no affection, no follow-up, nothing to suggest that he was thinking about me at all. The shift wasn’t dramatic enough to call him out withoutsounding needy, but it was obvious enough that the knot in my stomach had been tightening with each notification that wasn’t him.
“This is stupid,” I muttered to myself. I could text him something casual and ask about his day or share a random thought to keep the connection alive, but pride was a stubborn bitch, and mine was currently standing with her arms crossed, eyebrows raised silently, judging me for even considering being the one to reach out again.
I caught myself biting my thumbnail, a habit I broke years ago and only resurfaced when anxiety took hold. The realization made me drop my hand into my lap like I’d been burned. This wasn’t me. I didn’t sit around waiting for men to text or call. I had a life, a business, a whole damn cosmic perspective that should have put one man’s communication patterns into proper proportion.
