Page 89 of Heston
“You did lean pretty heavily on the Marine Corps.”
He shrugged, never going to admit anyone was better than a Devil Dog. At least, not out loud. But she was right. He had only hired Marines when he’d first hung out The TEAM shingle. But now, both TEAMs included sailors, soldiers, and airmen. He had yet to hire a Coastie, but that day wasn’t far off. Alex ran a thumb over his chin, wondering which of his senior agents would hire the first Coastie, Mark or Murphy?
“Sorry. You’re tired.” He could see it in her eyes.
“I am,” Kelsey agreed. But first…”
Alex leaned back to give her room. He was pretty sure he knew what was coming. A man in love didn’t miss the hidden clues and tiny nuances of the woman he loved. Not if he was smart, he didn’t.
“My nightmares are back.” There was a tremor behind those four words.
“Tell me about them?” he asked. The biggest thing he’d learned with this, his fourth marriage, was to use his ears more than his mouth. Talking was about him. Listening was about her.
“I’m drowning, Alex,” she whispered. “I’m somewhere dark and cold, and I can’t breathe, but I can’t stop myself from diving deeper, because I’m… I’m…” Her body shivered with the same fear that had driven her when she’d first lost Jackie and Tommy. For months Alex had listened to her scream as nightmares tore her heart apart. She’d been living with him, but locked behind his guest bedroom door back then. Only after he’d taken her to his bed after their first crazy night of lovemaking did those nightmares back off. Kelsey was the one who’d taken the step that turned their platonic relationship into heaven. Maybe it was time to lift his no-intimacy ban and join her in this oversized hospital bed like she wanted.
“I’m searching for my boys. For Jackie and Tommy. I hear them giggle. I’m so close my fingertips brush through their hair” —Kelsey’s body stiffened as she fought the upcoming meltdown“—but I can’t grab hold of them! My fingers never connect! I can’t reach them, but I can’t give up, and I keep going deeper and deeper and… Alex!”
If the unspoken‘save me!’in her tone wasn’t the last straw, nothing was. Alex jerked his tie off first, then his dress shirt and pants. Hurrying, he folded everything neatly over the free-standing valet chair by their shared walk-in closet—like a good Marine. Then, he climbed into bed behind Kelsey and pulled the blanket up to her chin—like a good husband. The kids were with Sasha and the most important job in his life began now.
“Sweetheart, I need you to know what happened to me on Mount Rainier.”
“Oh, no. What?”
And now he’d frightened her. Not his intention. Alex eased one arm under her neck and resting his other hand between her breasts, needing to feel her heartbeat. Poor thing was fluttering like a tiny bongo. His throat and mouth went dry. Alex coughed. Swallowed again. At least, tried to swallow. This was about her, not him. Kelsey’s tiny hand landed on top of his, and her touch was all he needed to continue.
“I dived into the White River after you fell, which was probably a dumb thing to do, but…” He shrugged both shoulders. “I am who I am, and I wasn’t letting you go without a fight.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” Kelsey breathed, her fingers now circling two of his between her breasts.
“Scared the hell out of me when you fell in and disappeared so fast. That river was wicked. Tried to drown me, and you’re so much smaller. I knew what you were going through, and I fought the son of a bitch the best I could, b-but I….” Damn it. He never stuttered. Not with anyone. He commanded, and he ordered, and he led!
But he’d also failed. Alex loved Kelsey enough to tell her that. “I failed, sweetheart,” he choked. “No matter how hard I stroked and kicked to get to you, the river beat me back. It was killing me. But for me to find you, I had to s-save myself first. I had to get to shore. I had to live. I am so gawddamned sorry.” The tears he’d denied for weeks, broke free. Alex buried his face in her hair and held onto his one true lifeline.
“You did save me,” she reminded him, her nightmare seemingly forgotten, which was not what he wanted. This was about her, not him.Get to the point, Stewart!
“A man saw me struggling. He came into the river far enough to grab hold and pull me out. He got me to shore. He gave me warm, dry clothes, a jacket and water and food, so I could keep looking for you—” This was harder than Alex expected. “He and his kid were already searching for you. He knew who I was.”
Kelsey’s slender fingers intertwined with his much thicker, callused fingers. “It’s okay, Alex. You can tell me anything.”
“I know, but—”Alex dragged a rough hand through his hair. This was not supposed to be about him. “His name’s Tom, and you’re not going to believe this, because I sure didn’t, but his little boy looks just like Lexie, and his name’s Jackie, and…” Alex had no idea why he’d started down this road, or why he’d thought Kelsey needed to know he totally believed the Lord had a hand in her rescue. A mighty big hand. Alex lifted his upper body enough to look over her shoulder and down at her. He needed eye contact.
Tears glistened in the corner of her pretty brown eyes. “Are you telling me that... Jackie and Tommy…?” She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, a sure sign she knew what he was going to say next.
A chill raced up the back of Alex’s neck. “Yes, sweetheart. God sent your boys to help me find you. I prayed—never prayed so hard in my life—and He sent…” Alex bowed his face into theside of Kelsey’s head. “He sent Jackie and Tommy. I’m sure of it. Only Tommy’s a grown man and Jackie’s his son.” Alex now realized why Tom’s password,JackieNTommy,had had such a profound effect on him that night. He’d been in shock, sure, but the Lord had obviously known he had a hard head and needed to hear those names more than once before they sank in.
“Wow,” Kelsey breathed, her fingers tight around his. She was trembling. Her poor heart was now a damned kettle drum.
“I’m sorry. I thought telling you would—”
Her fingers squeezed tighter, cutting off his apology. She was shaking so hard her teeth chattered. Alex pulled her against the entire length of his body. His leg lifted automatically over hers to protect her from the pain he’d caused.
“Wow,” she breathed again. “Thank you. I… I needed to know that. So, so much.” She was crying. Instead of being the domineering asshole he knew he was, Alex waited until she decided to roll over and face him. He tucked her under his chin when she did and he held on. “I believe you. Who else would God send in our time of greatest need?Ghostbusters?”
He pursed his lips and forced a breath. If she could poke fun at him, they were going to be okay. And just maybe, her knowing that her first two sons were still very much part of her life, was the weapon she needed to fight the nightmares. Nothing destroyed nightmares faster than truth. A little faith didn’t hurt, either.
“They both look like you. I want you to meet them. It might be hard, but—”
“But it’s the proof you wanted, isn’t it?”
