Page 63 of Gamble
She moved faster than his drug-addled reflexes could counter, snatching the phone from his loose grip before he could stop her. His attempt to reach for it sent pain shooting through his back, and he collapsed against the couch cushions with a grunt of agony.
“Give that back, Nalani.”
But she was already scrolling through his messages, her expression shifting from concern to confusion to something that looked almost like hurt.
“Who the hell is Reagan?” she demanded, looking up from the screen. “And why is she... oh my God, Elijah. She’s in love with you.”
His chest felt like it was caving in. “Those are private messages. Give me the phone.”
“Not until you explain this. Who is Reagan Murphy and why have I never heard of her?” Nalani’s voice carried the sharp edge of someone who’d been excluded from something important.“She’s been texting you for a week, begging you to talk to her. What did you do?”
“Nothing. It’s complicated.”
“Try me.” She scrolled back through the messages, and Elijah could see her reading Reagan’s increasingly desperate attempts to reach him. “Jesus, Elijah. She’s destroyed. What happened between you two?”
The combination of pain medication and emotional exhaustion broke through his defenses. Maybe it was the disappointment in Nalani’s voice, or maybe it was just the relief of having someone to talk to, but the entire story came tumbling out. Vegas, Reagan, their perfect weekend, the daily texts and phone calls, his growing feelings, the accident, the cowardly text message that had ended everything.
Nalani listened in silence, her expression shifting through a dozen emotions as he spoke. When he finished, she was quiet for a long moment, staring down at the phone in her hands.
“You met this woman three weeks ago and fell in love with her,” she said. It wasn’t a question.
“I didn’t say I was in love with her.”
“You didn’t have to. I can see it in your face.” Nalani looked up at him, and there was something in her eyes he couldn’t quite read. “Why didn’t you tell me about her? About any of this?”
The question hit harder than he’d expected. “Because it doesn’t matter now.”
“It matters to me. You’ve been there for every important moment in my life since I came to Los Angeles. You helped me figure out my feelings for Shane, trying to protect me from his—“ Nalani paused, smiling before adding “—his unique proclivities. You stood by me after the whole Henry Ainsworth nightmare.” She hesitated then, visibly shivering at the mere mention of her rapist’s name. “You didn’t think I’d want to know that you’d found someone who made you happy?”
The reproach in her voice made him feel small. “It was just a weekend. It wasn’t supposed to turn into anything.”
“But it turned into something,” she answered, her voice rising. “And instead of fighting for it, you sabotaged it.” Nalani scrolled through more of Reagan’s messages, shaking her head. “She’s twenty-nine, Elijah. She’s not a child. For God’s sake, she is a surgical nurse. Don’t you think she’s capable of making her own decisions about what she wants?”
“She doesn’t know what she wants. She doesn’t understand what being with someone like me would mean,” he argued back.
“Someone like you? What does that mean?”
Elijah gestured helplessly at himself. “Look at me, Nalani. I’m fifty years old, I can barely walk, and I’m about to have my hip replaced. Not to mention, I’m into BDSM in ways she could never understand. She’s vanilla, she’s young, she has her whole life ahead of her. What kind of selfish bastard would I be to drag her into my world?”
“The kind who loves her enough to let her choose,” Nalani shot back, her voice raising another notch. “You’re not protecting her, Elijah. You’re protecting yourself from the possibility of rejection.”
“That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it? Because from where I’m sitting, it looks like you’re so terrified she might realize you’re not perfect that you decided to hurt her first.” Nalani’s voice softened. “What about what’s best for you? Don’t you deserve to be happy?”
The question hit him like a physical blow. “Sure, but not at the expense of someone I care about.”
“And what if she feels the same way? What if she’s willing to take the risk, to figure out together whether you’re compatible? Shouldn’t she get a say in that decision?”
Elijah closed his eyes, feeling more tired than he could ever remember. “You don’t understand. If I let her in, if I show herwho I am... when she realizes what she’s gotten herself into, it’ll hurt even worse.”
“So instead, you’re going to leave her hanging with no closure? With no explanation beyond ‘you’re too young for me’?” Nalani waved the phone at him. “This woman is in agony, Elijah. She trusted you, opened her heart to you, and you responded by disappearing. At the very least, don’t you owe her an honest conversation?”
“I care about Reagan too much to ruin her life.”
“And what about your life? What about the fact that you’ve been miserable for the past week, not just because of your hip but because you miss her?” Nalani leaned forward, her expression intense. “I’ve known you for five years, and I’ve never seen you light up the way you did when you were talking about Vegas. Don’t you think that’s worth fighting for?”
Before Elijah could answer, his phone buzzed with another incoming message. Nalani glanced down at the screen, and her expression crumpled.
