Page 97 of Call Sign: King
“At least he’ll know. Maybe that could help him get some closure.”
“Or maybe it will end his hope.”
Ryder lived a high-risk life. The last month of his life had proven that in spades. This would be an added risk he’d have to live with.
“Email me all of the info you have. I’ll take care of getting everyone up to speed here at this end. We’ll be ready to host our guests on Wednesday.”
“Good enough for me. I’ll make the transfer this afternoon. Have a good Sunday.”
The secure call with Santa Clause dropped. Ryder sat at his desk for long minutes, thinking through every angle of what he was about to do.
Am I making a mistake?
Trying to learn to trust his gut again, the answer was no.
Ryder reached down to lift his briefcase onto the desk. He hadn’t even opened it since returning to The Ranch with Khloe after leaving Toronto. Reaching to grab his iPad so he could get it charged, his hand brushed against something else at the bottom of the case. Something he’d forgotten he still had.
His heart lurched as he pulled the positive pregnancy test out of his bag. And just like that, the damn lump was back in his throat, a regular fixture these days as he let the confusing emotions he’d been wrestling with crash over him yet again.
He had so much to be thankful for. He didn’t doubt that. But in the quiet moments since returning to The Ranch, he’d thought a lot about the son or daughter Vladimir’s revenge had cost him. It was an odd feeling to mourn the loss of someone he hadn’t had the joy of even meeting.
They would have more kids. At least he hoped so, and he would love them very much, but he knew he’d always hold a special place in his heart for the baby that paid the price for Ryder’s decision not to kill the Volkov brothers before leaving Purgatory that night four years before.
He was about to drop the spent test into the trash can under his desk when a fresh pang of guilt had him yanking his hand back. He wasn’t ready to let the tenuous thread to his lost child go. Not yet.
Pushing to his feet, he went to the large painting on the wall above his credenza. Swinging the canvas away from the wall, he took a minute to open the fortified safe hidden in the wall.
He had many treasures in the small safe — money, jewelry, gems, and deeds. Today, a cheap piece of plastic that held a sliver of his heart took its place of honor as one of his most treasured possessions.
“Was that what I think it was?”
Axel’s voice from the doorway startled him. He’d been so absorbed in his own thoughts, he’d missed his friend’s arrival.
Closing and locking the safe first, he turned before answering.
“Khloe doesn’t know. Vlad stole her away before she could see the result.”
“And?”
Ryder just shook his head, unable to say the words out loud.
“I’m sorry man,” Axel said, looking even more sad than normal.
“Me too. How crazy is it that she doesn’t even know the truth? I want to keep it that way.”
“You sure about that? Doesn’t she deserve to know?”
“She’s dealing with enough fallout from the kidnapping. It won’t change anything if I tell her. And who knows… maybe this is for the best. Men like me don’t deserve to have families.”
“The hell you don’t,” Axel’s sadness turned to anger in a hot second. “Being a father is one of the biggest joys of my life.”
Axel’s words shocked him. “Even now? Knowing what you’re going through?” Ryder stopped short of calling him a liar.
“Especially now. Those memories — bringing her home from the hospital, watching her growing and playing, teaching her to ride a bike, opening Christmas presents — those memories are the only thing that keep me going most days.”
He hadn’t planned to talk to Axel until after lunch but perhaps it had been fate that his best friend had come in when he did.
“I have something to tell you,” Ryder started, hoping he’d made the right decision.
