Page 38 of Waves
Was I destined to be as evil as him? As my mother?
As if she was able to see inside my head, Lizza had rattled off my worst fear like it was nothing. My bones ached with the knowledge that Avia the princess and Avia the queen were two utterly different people—and I was on a path that led from one to another.
The future stretched out grim and dark, self-loathing swirling up my throat.
The immature desire to snatch up that grimoire and launch it at Lizza’s skull was hard to resist. Luckily, Sahar sensed that I was close to the breaking point and appeared beside me. She slid two of her hands to encase mine in an expression of condolence. Comfort. Reassurance.
“Royals make hard choices. Those in charge always must. It is impossible to take on the mantle of leadership and not make decisions some will hate. But royals with conscience understand that they will balance any harm they do with good. They hold onto their vision and know that they are using their power to sculpt a better future. That’s you, Queen Avia. You will bring Okeanos from this isolated darkness and reunite her with the rest of Kenmare. You will remind the world that there are not seven kingdoms, but eight.”
The fervor of her tone would have inspired anyone, and it certainly did me. A shiver of nearly religious intensity traced its way up my spine along with an iron-hard belief that she was right. With her by my side, helping me, I would ensure I made the good outweigh the bad, victory overcome regret, hope overshadow despair. Her strength and calm leached into me, and I absorbed them, a certainty and sense of purpose solidifying within me. Before, they’d felt like a girl’s dreams.Now they were more solid. More real. Perhaps because I was acknowledging that I couldn’t be pure light. That every step I took toward the sun would cast a shadow.
Our gazes locked together; Sahar’s eyes reflected back my own certainty. My own sure sense of purpose. And they showed me hers—how committed she was to the ocean kingdom and this constant striving and stumbling to make it better.
Silently, in the middle of this chaotic moment, we both inhaled, drawing water into our lungs. And in that gesture, our souls bound together. United.
Lizza, unaware or uncaring of the monumental internal change I was undergoing, turned her back on us and made her way over to an armchair, knee creaking with each step. She sank into it with a sigh before massaging one of her legs. “You also seem to be forgetting that this djinni, if he’s Raj…”
“I can have soldiers look to see if anyone saw him,” Sahar interjected. “He went to the palace often enough that I’m sure a few of the older guards probably even saw him in person.”
Lizza gave Sahar an annoyed glare before continuing, “As I was saying, this djinni could have killed you yesterday. You were right there. Easy pickings. But he didn’t. Why?”
All that calm evaporated in an instant as if the mage had snapped her fingers. Withdrawing my palms from Sahar, I took to pacing as I tried to ponder why in the world an unhinged djinni would let me live. My instinct was to throw out sarcasm at Lizza, but she was right to ask that question. It was important.
Reaching a chair and stopping behind it, my fingertips dug into the seat back, carving tiny scars into the stretched whale skin because I didn’t have an answer.
If Raj was here in my kingdom, and he hadn’t tried to kill me…then what was his goal? Goose bumps crept over my arms, made the scales on my cheekbones flutter because I couldn’timagine the sultan was up to anything good. Couldn’t imagine he’d merely come down here to escape humiliation and ruin.
“It’s a good question,” my adviser intoned. “Why is Raj here?”
“A man who’d defied the laws of nature and female rule and reigned ruthlessly over his own kingdom for nearly a thousand years doesn’t seem likely to sink into peaceful obscurity.” I couldn’t rein in my own panicked sarcasm after all, and the words spilled bitterly from my mouth.
“No,” Sahar agreed.
A thousand tiny knives seemed to pierce my throat. Blasting heat erupted from nothing and charred every inch of my insides. For a moment, I thought I was under a magical attack. But, blinking, I saw Lizza and Sahar standing still and calm. Unaffected. I realized I was panicking.
No.
I couldn’t panic.
Whatever Raj wanted; I couldn’t let him win.
Closing my eyes, I brought my hands to my stomach and took several slow deep breaths. Each time my mind started to fill with terrifying images I pretended they shredded. I focused only on the oxygen flowing through my veins until I was able to rein in my churning pulse. When I reopened my eyes, I immediately focused my gaze on my hands, centered determination coming over me.
There was only one thing to be done.
To stop whatever Raj was planning, I had to embrace my power. It was time to stop fearing it.
“I need to practice my magic.”
A wicked grin erupted on my mage’s face; a deadly expression that let me envision just why she’d joined the undead army in the first place. “Finally.”
Her hand gestured toward the door, and I spun, ignoring Sahar’s pleas to strategize a bit more first.
Lizza’s rotten hand came up and clapped me on the shoulder. “Maybe this is just what you needed all along—a challenge to spark your fury.”
Chapter 16
Raj
