Page 40 of Chaining Daisy
Lily calls out, “Meet at Daisy’s at six.”
Violet turns to me and orders, “Do not order some health nut salad crap like last time.”
And Rose simply blows me a kiss before running back out of the building because her next class is in the building next door.
Fuck. I don’t like this. Neither will Gunnar. He’s going to be pissed.
* * *
“Damn, you look hot!”Lily leans back and admires her work after yanking on my shirt to get it to show just the right amount of cleavage.
I don’t feel hot. I feel like a nervous wreck. Gunnar’s closed himself in his office since the girls showed up. His silent, livid fury from the moment I arrived home until now has my stomach writhing.
He’s mad at me.And it’s not in a fun way that will get me spanked later.
But what the hell am I supposed to do?
God, I wish Mom was here—though if she was, this never would have happened. Do I wish that?Ohhh, the fact that I’m not sure makes me feel sick to my stomach. Fuck. I shove away the thought of her roughly because if I think too much, I’ll just start crying.
Maybe we started this thing too soon. But it feels so right…somehow like it was inevitable. But then I cycle back to guilt. And the judgment I’m certain I’ll see on the faces of my friends.God, I don’t want to think. I just want Gunnar to come up with a solution. To fix it and make it all better, just like he always does. He always takes care of me.The truth of that realization settles in my bones, because it’s true. Before him, I was scrambling, barely keeping my head above water between school, homework, doctor appointments, burnt chicken nuggets, arguments with the insurance company… He took all that away. Because of him, I started to be able to breathe again. Because of him, I didn’t go through everything alone.
Why should I be ashamed to say it out loud? I shouldn't, right? I shouldn’t care about their judgment. I should just rip off the Bandaid ….
But I find my tongue stuck to the top of my mouth.
Because even though he healed me, their condemnation would damage that. Mom’s loss still aches. And honestly, I’m not ready to hurt again. I’m just not ready.
So I say nothing. I smile wanly into the mirror when Lily spins me around in my desk chair and leans over my shoulder expectantly.
Staring, I hardly recognize myself. I look like someone from social media, some makeup expert, not myself. The Wild Flowers all outdid themselves. My hair is glossy and straight, makeup subtle but sultry with the lashes that Lily applied.
A month or two ago, I might have truly appreciated all their efforts. But now? The eyelashes make me look like I’m trying too hard, it’s not the fresh-faced look I’m comfortable in that I know Gunnar likes. I’m also wearing another crop top, this time a peach one with white flowers—which I know he loathes, but all three of them insist this is the in style despite the fact that it’s fucking January.
Maybe I can stuff a sweater into my bag and wear it during this joke of a date.
Is Gunnar still going to go now that the girls are interfering? Is he still going to spy on me through the stacks and text me dirty things like he planned? He whispered so many naughty scenarios into my ear last night and I was eager for every damn one of them. Now?
Now, if he’s not going, I just kind of want tonight to be over.
I want my friends to go away.
I want the happy little bubble of yesterday back.
“This … is … I don’t even recognize myself, girls. You made me look like—”
“A super hot bitch!” Lily toasts herself with a sparkling water that I got delivered along with a huge salad and Dion’s delicious, mouthwatering pizza.
“I’m stitching all our clips together into a post,” Violet calls out. In the reflection from the mirror, I can see her sprawled on my bed, a folded slice of pepperoni pizza in one hand and her phone in the other. Since her family controls so much of her real life, social media has become her outlet and she’s actually pretty damned artistic with her posts.
“Don’t put me in any of the shots,” Lily quickly states, fear evident on her face.
“Don’t worry, nothing but your hands are on here.”
I’m about to reassure Lily that Gage isn’t going to look for her, but Rose speaks before I get a chance. “It’s okay to be nervous about tonight, Daise. It’s normal.”
Everyone immediately jumps on that reassurance train. “Yeah, getting a few bad dates out of the way is always a good way to get back in the grove,” Lily’s face smooths out as she stops thinking about Gage finding her and starts worrying about me instead. “Maybe next time, you will even say yes to going to a frat party with Rose and me.”
Rose chokes a bit on her pizza, coughing and flailing her hand for a second before saying, “No.Don’t.Those suck.”
