Page 7 of Surfaces
It was one thing to have one man reject you. Or for a couple to simply decide they were incompatible. But to have four men shove me aside at once … even if it was because of an attack, it was going to be a painful experience, because even if I didn’t feel anything for them, all of them had decided that I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t worth it—and that stung because it hit on every insecurity I had.
But Felipe shook his head and relief flooded my veins as he said, “I had them move down the hall to a small meeting room.”
“Good. Good.” I nodded and paced, the cloak rubbing my betta fish fins uncomfortably. I second-guessed my decision to invite Felipe in but I had no one else to ask.
“Is … is everything alright?” Felipe asked softly, tilting his head, his blue eyes studying me, or what little he could see. He floated gently just above the ground, tail fin swishing lightly. Normally, he took a potion that gave him legs so he could walk beside me and make me more comfortable, but his potion had long ago worn off in the aftermath of the attack. The dark blue scales of his tail glinted in the lantern light as my eyes focused on them and I tried to find the words I needed.
“Majesty?” he asked again, dragging my gaze up his torso, over his leather and tortoise shell armor, which had been dented and damaged. There was even a bit of coral stuck on one side that I had the urge to grab and remove. But I didn’t.
I looked up at his face again and I was glad for the cloak, so he couldn’t see the nervousness that stopped my question in my throat and drove me to pace.
Much of the time, Felipe faded into the background, fulfilling his role as my bodyguard perfectly. But sometimes, he was as perceptively sharp as a spear, usually when he worried about me. My problem was that his concern always felt like something more than a simple desire to keep me alive. Or perhaps I justwishedit did because I’d been smitten from the moment he was assigned to me. The surly merman with the heart of gold—the romantic, girlish side of me just couldn’t resist those traits. The soft look he’d just given me made me blush and derailed my thoughts with desperate imaginings.
He didn’t feel the same. There’d been one moment … but it was probably all projection on my part. Felipe was quite a bit older than me—in his mid-thirties. He was already graying at his temples, his dark blue hair fading slowly.
I took a second to study the lines on his face, the few crevices in his forehead that I thought made him look distinguished. The crow’s feet around his eyes were hardly there though as if he didn’t quite laugh enough, which was a shame. He was an extraordinarily handsome merman. And he was thoughtful. He deserved to smile more. I tried to hope one day he’d find a woman who made him smile, but I was actually too selfish to hope for that.
I swallowed hard to force my mind to the topic I wanted to address and shoved aside the tender hope that his softer looks brought out because they were foolishness, plain and simple.
“I need to know what to say to those men who want to withdraw,” I told him, hoping my tone didn’t come across as too brisk because I was overcompensating. “I don’t know enough of Okeanos’s customs. Sahar’s gone right now. I just … how should I address it?”
His grip on his spear grew tighter and his reply was quick. “You’ll ask them what size shackle they prefer.”
His response startled me. It couldn’t have been further from what I was thinking than the sun was from the moon. I froze and stared at him. “What?”
“Those sea scum deserve to be locked up. They signed up to risk life and limb for tournament competitions but they’re going to turn tail at the first sign of true danger? Sarding fools don’t deserve your hand or to be anywhere near the throne.”
A delighted, almost giddy sense of satisfaction rose up inside of me at his brutal defense and his scorn for the men outside. I absolutely adored his indignation on my behalf. It showcased his loyalty, which was something I had in short supply as a foreign queen. I refused to let myself hold on to the wistful thought that his anger signified anything more. Or, I tried to. “Well, I agree about the cowardice. But taking them prisoner—”
“You don’t have a choice.”
“No?” My eyebrows shot up nearly to my hair.
“The stability of Okeanos depends on people having faith in the strength of the crown. Letting those dimwits swim off would admit you have no belief in your own magic. It would say you don’t think you’ll be able to end these attacks. That’s not true. Is it?”
A long moment passed where Felipe and I stared at one another, tension mounting, at least on my end. My secrets sat on the edge of my lips and the urge to trust him welled up, his warm gaze as intoxicating as whiskey—and twice as likely to loosen my tongue. I craved that look he gave me, that intense stare. His brow was straight, and his features were relaxed and anyone else might not have noticed. But his eyes burned. They were a deep blue fire; I could feel their heat from across the room and it stoked something low inside my belly.
I took a step toward him.
My lips opened.
But I forced myself to glance away.
Queen Gela, Bloss, and Lizza would all skin me alive if I spoke.
Magical secrets were a queen’s undoing.
“Queen Avia…” His tone was soft, nearly breathless, as if he might be just as affected as me.
No. It couldn’t be, could it?
Not when I looked like this … I glanced over at the mirror and saw that my cheeks and forehead had nearly returned to normal. But a glance down at my hands told me to keep my fingers covered. The transparency spell was fading but not gone. Which meant his look … might have been …
I glanced back.
Shite.
He was even closer than before, having swum up further into the space between us.
