Page 56 of Surfaces
“Only Lizza. And my sister knows the first bit.” I glanced tentatively up at him only to see his jaw clenched, his hands shaking as he curled them into fists by his sides, and his eyes, those deep blue eyes that reminded me of the ocean on its calmest days—they blazed. His breathing was stilted, short, I could see the rise and fall of his armor.
For a moment, the current seemed to stop flowing between us, even the water droplets stilled in expectation.
Something built…and built…until we both trembled in place.
Come on Avia, just swim forward and kiss him,I told myself. But I couldn’t do it. Not when I wasn’t sure…not when I might be projecting. Not when he might not feel he had the authority to say no to me.
What we had was so precious that I couldn’t bear to shatter it.
We had trust.
I had just given him a gift greater than anything I’d given the others.
I’d given him my truth.
I tried to tell myself that honesty meant more than kisses…but my heart didn’t believe me.
Felipe’s dusky lashes fell to his cheeks and he hid his eyes from me for a long moment and I stared at his graying hairline before he gave a strained, “I’m honored, Majesty.” When his eyes reopened the blaze was gone and the wall of propriety was back in place.
My heart recoiled in disappointment because I’d somehow secretly wished that my confession would make him melt, make him rush forward and take me into his arms. Instead, my eyes filled with tears that I had to rapidly blink away so that he didn’t notice. I had to turn to the side and bring a hand to my flaming cheek to hide my humiliation. “I need you to keep it a secret…”
“You don’t even have to ask. I’m your guard. I’ll take it to the grave.”
I gave a stiff nod and glanced over at the disastrous mess that was my train—it was better to look at anything other than him. “Right. Well, um. I’d wanted you to tell me what rumors you’d heard about the rebels.”
“A few of the less reputable taverns had some chatter. There’s a local rebel leader and we’ll pay him a visit tomorrow. He’s sort of the local equivalent to Watkins.”
I nodded. “If you hear anything…”
“I’ll let you know.”
I nodded again, still staring at my train, unsure if I could even make any other gesture, because I felt broken.
Felipe swam to the door and I heard him lift the latch. There was a long, drawn-out pause and the back of my neck prickled, so I knew he was staring at me.
Did he know? Did he pity me? I could have sworn I’d seen something more. Once. Maybe twice.
But then the current wrapped around me as the door opened. The latch fell.
Felipe was gone.
I cried and stripped out of my dress myself, climbing into bed a naked and fragile wreck.
17
Raj
Julian’s headtwisted toward me, and I watched his glazed eyes, each stripe of his tan irises lit by the magical lantern I’d pilfered from the ballroom so that we could swim out into the town, out of the town, anywhere we wanted to go. The glowing orange glass ball was warm where it was tucked underneath my arm, even warmer than the rest of me, which had been heated up by wine and Julian’s presence all night.
I’d never appreciated before just how beautiful someone could be when they were in their element. I’d always been too busy in the middle of my own element—death and destruction.
But I’d watched Julian discuss the dissection of a deceased octopus shifter with a colleague, fascination imbuing every inch of his body, every gesture while the other man described the way the back of an octopus head contained the stomach and digestive tract of the animal.
Julian had been as thrilled as I had the first time my father allowed me to perform an execution. His smile had been contagious. Even now, hours later, he practically glowed with excitement as we swam through the sea, only broken streaks of moonlight mixing with my lantern to break up the vast expanse of blackness. It almost felt like flying through the sky above the clouds, like we were stars in the universe.
How his star shone.
“Thanks for agreeing to stay out with me. I’m just still too edgy to go in, even though I know we should be sleeping, resting for the big event tomorrow. Today? Ha! I don’t even know what time it is. Do you?”
