Page 56 of Defiant
Elena furrows her brow but doesn't respond, just grips her phone so hard that her knuckles turn white.
What is she thinking right now? Is this as awful for her as it is for me? As painful? Or is she just embarrassed? Does she not want to deal with me?
"Here. I'll let Murky fill you in on classes while I go give the other betas a quick rundown." He plants a possessive kiss on her cheek. "Afterwards, I've got a surprise for you."
Black strides off with no clue that he's just ripped out my heart, stomped on it, and then left me in the middle of my worst nightmare.
19
Elena
I’ve falleninto a crevice between two glaciers, down into a freezing abyss between massive sheets of ice. There’s no hope of crawling out of the darkness and no way I’ll escape the bite of the cold. One of the glaciers moves behind my back, sliding away. The other’s blue eyes pierce me and the air inside my lungs frosts over.
I wish I was dead.
Last night comes at me in a rush that fills my cheeks with blood but does nothing to stave off the awful numbness spreading through my fingers.Oh god. I’m that girl. Black and I … we…
And now Jonah’s here.
I want to scream that I didn’t want to. I didn’t mean it. That I dreamed about him, not Black. Anything to erase that look in Jonah’s eyes, which whispers friends with benefits was a lie and shouts that I’m a soul-crushing monster. I feel like one.
I want to blame Black, call him a beast. He is one.
But I can’t. For some reason, I can’t.
Because I could have pushed him away. He might not have listened, I don’t know. But I didn’t push him. I was on the brink. And I let myself go over.
Jonah deserves better than me. I can see all the hurt swimming through his eyes, though he tries to hide it and it makes me hate myself.
An awkward silence wraps us in its embrace and we just stare at one another. His blond hair is dull in the basement light as he digs his hands into the pockets of his jeans, making his muscles bulge inadvertently. I study his face, realizing that I don’t have to crane my neck to look up at him like I do with Black. He’s still tall, at least five inches or so taller than me. But he’s not a giant. He’s just right.
I’ve never noticed that freckle just above his right eye before. Somehow, suddenly, all the things I’ve never noticed about Jonah seem important.
Is it the last chance I’ll ever get to see them? Is he going to turn around now and leave with Black and never come back?
My perusal continues until I hear the lock click on the basement door. We’re locked in together and suddenly the space feels stifling.
Jonah breaks eye contact and looks over at the stairs his brow curving.
“Why are you locked in?” He asks the easy question, not the hard ones. But that’s Jonah. A peacekeeper. The friendly guy. Thoughtful. Never one to push and shove—he’s the polar opposite of Black. He asks like he’s curious, without condemnation or judgment.
Even so, I have to swallow a lump in my throat before I can respond. “I’m locked in to keep other alphas out.” I gesture at the television and the ping pong table, at the carnage. “Apparently,that’swhat happens when another alpha scents an omega.”
“An omega?” Jonah’s jaw drops and he makes eye contact. All the tension in his body seems to fade away, as does the color on his face, his shock obvious.
I give a watery-eyed grin. “You didn’t expect me to become one either? That makes two of us.” My voice breaks and I clear my throat, looking down at my phone, playing with it, dragging my nail around the case. I don’t deserve the pitying look crossing Jonah’s face right now. Not after what I did.
His arm comes to nudge mine and I glance up.
Words flow out of me in a rush. “I didn’t want to. I didn’t mean to. If I’d have known shit was going to happen like this, I’d have taken you with me when I shifted. I was just uncertain what was happening. And then I was so excited.” I shake my head as my vision swims and my tongue flails, searching for something to keep me afloat in this tragic conversation. “Black found me in the woods. There were these other alphas. Dark Nights. And then he thought I was one and got pissed. And then—”
“Hey.” His voice comes out soft and warm, like butter melting on top of a roll.
I look up and my tears spill over. His expression is so understanding, so kind. And I can’t stand it. He should hate me, loathe me right now for what happened. He tries to tuck me into a hug but I pull away because I don’t deserve to sink into his warmth and comfort. I throw my phone onto a recliner and start pacing, hands coming up to my rat’s nest hair. As I walk, I begin to shake. Last night, the reality of being a shifter scared me. The possibility of other alphas scared me. But here and now, I’m literally staring in the face of what I’ve lost by becoming an omega.WhoI’ve lost. And that’s even scarier.
I can’t be around alphas. I rank lower than betas, so who knows which of them might try to flex and show their rank. Am I going to be alone now? Is getting locked in a basement going to be my new normal? My existence from now on?
Fuck, being a glimmer sounds better than being an omega. I’d rather not have a wolf. “Can I get rid of my wolf?” I spin around and look up at Jonah.
