Page 52 of Defiant
He turns and leads us away just as a couple new guys stumble in the front door behind us, looking as tired as I’d normally feel. I mean, it is only like five a.m. If it weren’t for this big bunch of dread sitting inside me, I’d be yawning too. But I’m not. I’m busy glancing every direction for a sign of Elena.
I haven’t caught her scent yet, but the reason becomes clear when I make it into the massive kitchen. There are at least fifteen other beta dudes here already. With the new arrivals and myself, there’s probably twenty. That’s a lot of male scent for my wolf’s nose to get past.
My wolf is curled up inside my head, napping. He blinks open one eye when I think about scents, decides it’s not important and settles his head back onto his paws.
Well, that’s fucking helpful, thanks,I tell him. He doesn’t seem to have any of the anxiety that’s flowing through my system like I just downed three espresso shots. He has no clue that we’re about to face rejection from Elena and therefore isn’t worried about it. He never worries that far in advance anyway. Unless a threat is in his face, he assumes an alpha will take care of it.
Fucking annoying sometimes.
There’s a huge spread of food laid out on the tables, eggs and toast piled up.
"Gentlemen, go ahead and eat. The Second will be here in a moment to provide you with more instructions."
The Second? My throat dries out, wondering what's going on. If Alpha Maddox is sending his right-hand man to give us instructions, then it must be coming right from him. I wonder what it is. I wonder if it has anything to do with Elena. It can’t be about her phone if there are all these guys here. But… it can't be a coincidence that I scented her on him last night and all of a sudden big things are happening, can it?
I join the line of guys near the white marble countertop. I grab a fancy plate that feels like I could snap it in two if I'm not careful. Then I scoop up some food, listening to the conversation around me until the sound of a woman’s heels echoes through the kitchen. All our heads immediately swivel. My heart beats faster, though I've never known Elena to wear heels. Not unless she was feeling naughty.
It's not her.
Relief and disappointment both sweep through me as some older woman in a deep blue power suit walks in. She’s got hair that looks like our local newscaster, sprayed so high it resembles a wig. She smells human, just like the butler.
"Matthew," The woman reveals a set of wrinkles that show she smiles a lot.
I turn away, more interested in food and coffee until I hear what she says next.
"It's been such a long time since I planned a wedding this size. I'm so excited!"
I almost drop my plate. I mean, I do drop it, but I catch and fumble around with it and my eggs slide up against my shirt as I make a clumsy save.
All of a sudden, my cheeks feel hot—but not from embarrassment. There's a huge fire inside my head and everything's going up in smoke. I cough, choking. Agonized.
My wolf does wake up at that, prowling back and forth, whining and worried.Mate?he asks, worried she's in danger, worried something's wrong with her, worried that this perfect woman is lost to us forever.
"It's not for her," I tell myself, moving to an unoccupied window seat. But I don't believe it. I've seen people get their wolves and decide their futures in a single day before. Decide the futures of everyone around them too.
Agony vibrates inside of me.
I've known people who wished they were human before. My aunt used to all the time after my uncle fucking abandoned her. But I've never actually wished it myself.
Not until now.
Now, I wish I was just a regular guy and Elena was just a regular girl.
Mathew and that woman trot off, discussing the size of the ballroom here and guest lists and shit.
I want to vomit. The smell of eggs suddenly makes me sick.
I sit down with my plate in my lap and stare at the jumbled yellow goo, eggs who've been beaten into a pulpy mess. I'm pretty sure that's what my heart looks like right now too. Fuck me.
I set the plate onto the striped cushion beside me because now I have no appetite. I stare outside at the perfectly manicured lawn. It even has a fountain. There’s a fence that looks like it might hide a pool in the distance. All these luxuries slap me in the face. They shout about the things Black Maddox can give Elena that I can't.
I’ve got a whopping two grand in my bank account right now. And I had to scrimp every penny of that.
I squeeze my eyes shut and tell myself that I just want what's best for her.
Not fucking true.
The selfish beast inside wants her for himself. I'm not the bigger person or the better person. I don't want to be—I want to beherperson.
