Page 2 of Defiant
Next to me, Jonah leans forward, his biceps bulging as he slides out of his slouch, a look of concern in his blue eyes. He pushes up the black beanie on his forehead and the worried crease that’s the trademark of all the men in his family makes its appearance. “Hey, Elena. You okay?”
I don’t look over at him because I’m too busy looking inward. Staring at my wolf. Dazed.
You don’t get to see other people’s wolves until you shift … until you swear allegiance to the pack. I’ve only ever seen Jonah’s wolf, and even then he only showed me after I promised him an epic blow job in exchange … and he swore me to eternal secrecy because I wasn’t “pack” yet.
Pack. I’m pack now. The word sinks into my soul and anchors me. I never realized how adrift I felt until now. Now that I know where I belong, relief lifts my heart.
I’m a Lobo. The Lobo pack is the largest in the United States. It covers Colorado and a few other states. But that’s about all I know. Because wolf shifters keep their information locked down more than the CIA.
I don’t know much of anything about shifter life, other than my mother regularly attends fights and howls—which are meetings, based on the snippets I’ve overheard. Oh, and ranks. Every wolf in the Lobos has a numerical rank that can change. I don’t know how many wolves there are in the pack, but I know mom’s number is constantly shifting. I know Jonah’s number is 1,078…so there are at least that many wolves.
I wonder what my wolf’s number will be as I watch her.
She’s so graceful, my wolf with her tail swishing as she stares expectantly at me and repeats her request.Run.
A thrilled tremor rushes down my spine and spreads out across my limbs and I stand, drawing a number of eyes, including the professor’s. “Sorry. I feel sick,” I lie, before darting toward the door, leaving all my worldly possessions behind—hoping that Jonah will take care of them for me.
“Elena, wait. I’ll come—”
I don’t listen to the rest of Jonah’s sentence.
I rush outside into the blazing heat of early summer, the bright afternoon light stunning my eyes for a moment before I turn and race across the campus, past the astronomy and biology buildings toward the forest that awaits at the edge of the Cygnus grounds.
The small liberal arts college embraces its hippie vibes by enticing students with idyllic pictures of communing with nature in outdoor classes, studying forest habitats … bullshit that doesn’t matter to most humans. But to a wolf shifter or a potential wolf shifter, proximity to the forest is essential. The ability to break loose of the human grind and run free, unshackled…
I’ve heard about it from Jonah and my mom, from other girls in the Lobos pack, but I’ve never experienced it before. This desperate need just to run. Not like when I run on a track, with a goal, a time, a competition in my head. The desire to just run as its own expression of joy—as if movement is a song and I have to sing it.
I know that Mom’s going to be over the moon. But I also know she’s immediately going to want me to train to fight for my pack rank. She’s borderline obsessive about her rank; she runs, conditions her body, even signs herself up for illegal human dog fights to be better, faster, stronger. “An alpha female never has it easy,” she always tells me.
I just want to enjoy this moment.
I just want to embrace the feel of my wolf—this wild, unfettered light that’s bouncing inside my chest like a dot in a sing-along video or a laser light in a concert. I’m so elated I can hardly feel my feet tap the earth as I sprint headlong past students who turn and stare.
Get to the trees,I tell myself,to the trees.
“Just be patient, Elena, your wolf will come,” Dad’s voice drifts unbidden to my mind and I wonder if he can see me right now. If he’s even looking.
Before melancholy can creep in and ruin my mood, my wolf gives me a playful little yip. Her butt wiggles and her tail moves side to side before she bounds playfully around in my head. I nearly slam into a tree, I’m so distracted by her inside my head.
“Calm down,” I mutter, “or I’ll kill us both before I can shift.”
She whines but trots out of my vision so that her presence is more of an energy, a feeling, and she’s not in my line of sight. I hurry forward through the forest, crashing around bushes with absolutely no subtlety. If any wolf decides to follow, I’ve left an easy trail. But I don’t care. As soon as I’m deep enough in the foliage that I can’t be seen, I strip down to nothing, shoving my clothes under a bush so no college student wandering around off-campus gets any stupid ideas.
Then I close my eyes and call her. “Come on, little friend. Your turn.”
My wolf yips with excitement and I see her bound in front of my eyes once more before she skids to a halt and backtracks. Then there’s a strange tingling sensation, and my entire body grows hotter than a campfire and melts like a marshmallow in the blaze. My thoughts whirl and my senses can’t keep up with the way that sensations change and mutate around me—colors dull, but scents explode, and the noise of campus (that I’d thought was distant) suddenly becomes sharp.
I hear a woman say, “Danny, you’re a fucking bastard,” and her voice is so clear I swear she’s standing next to me.
My head turns but no one’s there.
A guy’s voice responds, “Genna, you have no idea, I didn’t mean to—” and I realize that the couple is sitting on a bench nearly a mile away.
At least, I guess it’s them because the girl throws her arms up in the air, just as I hear, “Don’t! Your pants don’t unzip themselves you dumb fuck. I’m done.” The stomp of her feet on the pavement as she stalks away sounds like applause, like her feet are happy she’s leaving the bastard.
Fucking unreal.
I feel myself shrinking and changing. I glance down and realize that my hands have turned into paws and my face is now level with a bush that used to reach just my waist. At this height, I realize that it’s a wild blueberry bush, though most of the berries have been pilfered by birds.
