Page 64 of Depths
Ugo visibly ground his teeth together, not wanting to tell me no.
I sighed. “Fine. Well. Let’s go watch men try and plunge their fishies into one another, shall we?”
Ugo’s eyebrows shot up.
“It was a joke. You can laugh.” My tone was too harsh. He remained silent, and I mentally kicked myself.
“You don’t have to go back out there yet,” Felipe said softly, his hand touching my arm.
Ugo took the opportunity to escape. “I’ll … go check the door.” He swam down the length of the hall, disappearing into the darkness.
I turned to Felipe and shook my head as tears blurred my eyes. “Yes. I do have to go back out there.” I shook my head as I stared at him. “The people already think I’m weak. The attack on the road. Now this? They’re wondering what kind of queen they’ve gotten. How weak I am.”
Felipe’s hand tightened on my tricep. “You aren’t weak.”
I scoffed, trying not to let my voice break. “Oh no? It’s normal—”
“Many women swoon.”
“Many women don’t wear crowns. They don’t make life and death decisions. I need to be hard. I need to be strong.”
“You are strong.” Felipe’s gravely tone was certain. “But strong and hard are not the same. Many men and many queens make that mistake. Sometimes, strength comes from flexibility. From going into a new situation, assessing it, trying to get input from others, even those who despise you …”
I gave a bitter laugh. “That has not worked at all. Watkins … half those Reef City guilds, all those rebels still hate me.”
“It will. Give it time.” Felipe’s features softened.
But his words made me want to throw something. Scream. Stamp my foot. “I don’t have time!”
He looked at me oddly.
Shite. I shouldn’t have said that.
I wrapped my arms around my middle and pressed my lips into a tight line as everything inside me shattered. Felipe stared at me a long moment before he swam forward and enveloped me in a hug.
First, I was shocked. Felipe had never crossed that boundary. He’d carried me, but only for protection’s sake. He’d given me a pat on the shoulder … but this? Professionalism was gone. This … was the hug of a friend. Of comfort. His warm arms wrapped around me and melted that icy fear coursing through my veins. He rubbed my back as I trembled and as tears came to my eyes, and I allowed myself to be weak, truly weak, in front of someone else for the first time since I’d taken the crown.
I’d promised myself I wouldn’t do this; after Mayi’s darkness, I’d promised myself I’d be strong. But this hug, this comfort … it broke me.
I sobbed in the dark corridor until my throat was raw and scratchy. When I pulled away and swiped at my eyes, Felipe gave me a soft, sad smile. “They’ll come around. I swear they will.”
For half a second, I wondered if I could give my heart to him. I wondered if I could selfishly bind him to me forever so that he could never leave. This perfect, sweet man who saw me. He was the only reason Mateo was in this tournament. He was the only reason I hadn’t been crushed in that attack on the way here.
I stared up at him as my mind laid out each reason he was perfect for an existence full of miserable attachment to me. Dread and self-loathing started to swirl in the pit of my stomach when I didn’t immediately dismiss those notions. But desperation was like stained glass, it colored my perception. I had to drag my eyes to the ocean floor before I called out Lizza’s name.
I couldn’t do that to him. I wouldn’t.
Even if it means this country dissolves into war without an heir?The belligerent voice in the back of my head asked in a saccharine tone that belied its intentions.
Felipe was worth a war.
No sooner had I made that decision and forced my wings apart so that I could flee any other monstrous thoughts than I heard a terrible racket erupt from the arena.
Screams and shouts sounded as a crumbling crash reverberated through the coral. Ugo shoved open the door at the end of the hall and wave after wave of water came barreling through the tunnel, knocking me backward, shoving me into the sharp spines of the coral wall.
I pushed off from it, making my wings flit back and forth twice as fast as I normally did. I had to use every ounce of magical strength Lizza had given me to fight my way to the door. “What is it?” I asked when I finally got to Ugo’s side.
He shook his head, shock written in the wrinkled lines of his forehead and the furrow of his brow. “It’s the arena, Majesty. It looks like part of it collapsed.”
