Page 84 of Knight's End
Chapter Twenty
"What the sarding hell happened?" I latched onto Blue’s arm and gripped it hard. I was demanding and begging for answers at the same moment. “We just left him in the courtyard? Where is he?”
I felt like pulling my hair out. I ran to the window and shoved aside the drape. My eyes flashed around different parts of the courtyard, searching for him. Was he an animal now? Did he have painful boils? I’d been so focused on Donaloo’s sacrifice. I was an awful wife. Not just an awful queen. Being an awful wife was worse. My heart shredded into tiny, inconsolable pieces.
What are you talking about?Blue thought. There was a bitter edge to his words.It doesn't even look like he's paying a damn price. I can hear him just fine.
“What do you mean you can hear him?" I asked aloud, whipping around.
He’s being a complete fop-doodle. Telling me I must have been wishing wrong all my life.Blue rolled his eyes and pointed.I mean, look at him waggling his tongue.
I glanced about wildly, pulse pounding. “He's not here!"
Declan walked over and I rushed toward him, nearly colliding with him as I grabbed his arms. The most serious of my knights, he’d give me a straight answer. "Dec, where's Quinn?"
"Right there," he arched his brow and cocked his head as he looked at me. His expression grew serious as he stared down at me. “I thought Donaloo might have said some final spell midair to protect him.” He ran a hand through his blond hair and glanced next to me. Then his eyes traveled back to mine. "Shite. I think his nightmare is that you won't see him anymore.”
All my knights’ eyes drifted to an empty space on the rug near me. I made my way over to it and tentatively reached out my hand. "Quinn?"
But my hand swiped through empty air. No matter how frantically I swung it, I didn’t feel a thing. Panic set in.
"Bloss! Stop hitting him!”
It felt like a throwing star was lodged inside my throat as I responded, "I can't feel him."
Horror swept over me at the realization. I couldn't see, feel, or hear Quinn. It took everything I had not to collapse on the ruined glass figurines that lay shattered on the floor. Because this wasn't just his nightmare, it was mine.
How could I cope without my jester? How could I manage without the gentle man who called me his dove?
Connor saw the look on my face, and Declan must've tasted my desolation. The two of them came to either side of me and gently escorted me to the settee.
Tears trickled down my face.
“It’s only temporary,” Declan said gently. “Just remember that.”
“Temporary?” I swallowed hard. “I’ve read about nightmares that last three years!” My face fell into my palms. How could I live without Quinn for that long?
My knights balanced and offset me, they helped make up for what I lacked. They made me stronger. I needed Quinn.
I choked on a sob. Connor’s arms wrapped around me. He held me and rocked me as I said, “It’s not fair.”
But magic wasn’t fair. I knew that. The price you paid for using magic as a part human overpowered any other kind of magic. And you couldn’t choose your price.
I squeezed Connor hard, some of my anger at the stupid sarding world leaking out into my hug. And then I pushed him away and stood, just as a frog hopped into the salon and let out a croak.
We all turned. The frog waved an arm at Ryan. Then its beady eyes looked down the hall and back at us.
Shite. That wasn’t a frog. It was one of Ryan’s soldiers. And my question about whether they kept their human consciousness was answered.
Poor man.
I swallowed hard. Quinn was invisible. He wasn’t lost. Not completely. And he wasn’t alone inside his own head like the last nightmare. He wasn’t a worm that could get stepped on at any moment. It could always be worse. My knights could see and hear him. I took a deep breath. I needed to keep my head on.
You’re being selfish, Bloss, I told myself. You’re being selfish when your soldiers have it much worse. Your people need a selfless queen.
I eyed the frog on the floor as I wiped my cheeks one last time.
Queens can’t have meltdowns, I recited one of my mother’s old lines from when I’d thrown tantrums.
